Just Engaged and Proposals

My FH and My Parents

My FH and I have been together on and off for seven years and my parents have made their distaste of him known. I love him and he is amazing and takes good care of me. He proposed to me a few weeks ago and I havent told my parents yet because they keep saying how much they hate him. They havent given him a chance since they first met him and wrote him off then. I am very close to my parents and feel like im torn between my mom and dad and my FH. What are some things I can do to make this better? Please Help! 

Re: My FH and My Parents

  • Congrats!

    And ditto Lucy on why your parents don't like him?

    I will tell you that my H and my parents (my Mom especially) had a rocky start when we first started dating. But things have since gotten better now that she knows he is here to stay. And she sees how much he cares about me and supports me, etc.
  • My mom hated my FI too. My FI was just not going to tell her until she noticed my ring. I felt really guilty though, (and kind of like a child for feeling the need to hide--I'm an adult, for pete's sake!), and decided to tell her anyway.
    We told my FILs first to gather some acceptance and support before telling my parents. Then we told my grandparents, who also accept my FI, just in case my mom was really, really mad about it; they're her parents, I figured they'd talk to her about it if it all went wrong.
    I felt pretty confident at that point.
    Then we told my parents. I believe I started out with "Mom-don't-be-mad-but... I'm engaged."
    Funny thing is, that while she was unhappy that I was engaged at first because I'm still in university, her whole attitude flip flopped after we talked about it and I explained that, yes, we actually have plans for the future that are not unrealistic.
     Now, she hugs him at family gatherings, and calls him 'future son'.

    So you could try a) gaining confidence through telling some important others and then telling her followed by b) trying to assuage her misunderstandings about him by conversing with her about the reality of the situation. Knowing why she has an issue might help you to understand her point of view so that you can show her your own.
    One way or the other, you'll have to talk to her eventually.
    Though, I agree with LucyHC: recognizing why she doesn't like him is important.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • She says that he used and took me back when we first started dating and i dont understand where she gets this from. We have had a long distance relationship for quite a long time I was living at home with my parents working my way through college and he was at school in Minnesota. Im from the chicagoland area. I moved up to Minneapolis in November with my job that transfered me and its been a pretty strained relationship since. This is the first time my FH and I have lived int he same area for a long time and things are great between us. I just dont know what to do about my mom and dad I got a really nice text from my mom last night saying happy easter and how shell miss me on easter sunday at home for the annual egg hunt but she doesnt ever mention him. We are not speaking right now and dont get me wrong I love my parents and think they are fantastic parents I just dont know what to do. and dont know where they ever got these off the wall ideas. 
  • I would talk to her about it. Be open and honest without your fiance there.

    Sometimes parents think they know everything and know what's best for you but they might not know him as the person you know. They don't get a chance to see him do nice and caring things for you when they aren't around.

    Remind her, in a nice way, that she doesn't see those things and that he is a good person. Hopefully if you open lines of communication with her, she'll explain her fears and you can reassure her. It's a parents job to worry. Maybe if you talk, she'll be more open.
  • My mom hated my husband. When we got engaged we didnt tell her for 2-3 months. I was livin with him and only saw my mom every so oftern. She never noticed the ring & after a few months I felt guilty and finally told her. She yelled at us and all the usual parent stuff. After awhile, she started getting used to the idea of gaining a son, not losing a daughter. My mom also hated my SIL until my brother told her to basicaly shut up, he loves her, he has to deal with her on a day to day basis, not my mom. I ended up telling her the same thing.

    We eloped about a year later, after a break up, getting back together, and a miscarriage. After everything that happened that year, I knew he was the one whether mom liked it or not. We told our families 2 weeks afterwards that we got married. My in-laws were thrilled. My mom then yelled at us for not considering her feelings throughout the whole situation. My husband finally stood up to her and told her what he thought. After that, my mom has a wonderful relationship with him.

    My moms feelings of my husband go back 20 years (we met when we were really young kids). She always believed he was a bad influence on my older brother (they were best friends), and then on me when we started dating. We at least waited to date until I was 20 and not living in my moms house because we knew how she felt about it

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