Lots of questions!

AlexaGrant

I just got engaged a week ago - due to timing and weather considerations, we are looking to get married May or June 2011.  That's a year and a half away but I am anxious and excited to start the planning!  What do I do and where do I start when it's this far out?

I'm going home for over a week for Christmas - should I start scouting locations?  There's one place in particular that I've always wanted to get married at - should I schedule a meeting or something to find out about details and packages they offer?

How do I approach my parents to discuss budgeting?  I'm not good at talking about money with them, but I need some kind of an idea as to how much they are willing to contribute so I know what's affordable and how much I need to be saving as I begin to plan.

What about an engagement party?  Do I just wait around to see if my parents offer to host one or do I talk to them about it?

How soon do I need to nail down my wedding party and when can I start asking the parents for guest wish lists?

Thanks!  Looking forward to joining the boards!

rainsfallsoftly

I'm getting married in August 2011, and we are taking my mom to see the venue on Dec. 30 and putting down a deposit if she likes it as well.  I wouldn't seek out many other vendors so early, because a lot of them will only book a year in advance, but many venues will allow you to secure a date a year and a half in advance.  Many will either let you lock in the current price or guarantee prices will increase no more than 5% for you. However, if you wait, you are subject to any larger increases they decide to impose.  Also, we asked our venue how 2011 has been booking up so far, and even though August for our wedding is pretty clear, she said most of October is already booked, and that's almost two years away!  Even if you don't decide to put down a deposit on a venue yet, it can't hurt to start seeing what is out there.

jagore08

I think that you should definitely start looking at venues.  If you're going to set up an appointment with the venue you like, you should think about setting up more.  I got married in FL and I live in CA.  When I went to FL to see venues I looked at about 8 in one week.  It's a really good idea if you're going to be there to look at as many as you can.  Make sure you bring your camera so you can take pics for your FI.

As for you budget talk, did your parents say that they were even going to contribute to your wedding?  These days a lot of couples are paying for their own wedding.  I think the best way is to just be straight with your parents. Say that you are planning on looking at venues while you're home and you're trying to figure out exactly how much you can afford.  That's usually when parents will let you know if they're helping or not and for how much.  If they don't say anything just ask straight (but be polite not needy) out but DON'T expect they are going to give you and your FI anything.

Your engagement party should be thrown for you and your FI (think of it like a birthday party, you would never ask someone to throw one for you, right?).  I think it's perfectly acceptable for you and your FI to host a little celebration party (no gifts!) if you just want to get your friends and family around to celebrate your engagement.  Again, no gifts if you're hosting it!

Your wedding party should not be chosen until your *at most* a year out. You should look over on the Wedding Party board and you'll know why I say this. 

Just remember you've only been engaged for a week.  This is the time where you should sit back and bask in the glow of being newly engaged. Trust me, when you start planning, the dreaminess of being newly engaged wears thin.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_lots-of-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:77d04f76-b255-48da-b473-fcf6b01deba9Post:b0fae04c-c26a-43ff-9b5f-56ae3410b408">Lots of questions!</a>:
[QUOTE]I just got engaged a week ago - due to timing and weather considerations, we are looking to get married May or June 2011.  That's a year and a half away but I am anxious and excited to start the planning!  What do I do and where do I start when it's this far out? [/QUOTE]

<strong>There's no hurry to get things rolling-- just enjoy it for a while.  </strong>


[QUOTE]II'm going home for over a week for Christmas - should I start scouting locations?  There's one place in particular that I've always wanted to get married at - should I schedule a meeting or something to find out about details and packages they offer?[/QUOTE]

<strong>It's okay to get ideas, but you will be SO bored of planning in a few monts.  I promise.</strong>

[QUOTE]IHow do I approach my parents to discuss budgeting?  I'm not good at talking about money with them, but I need some kind of an idea as to how much they are willing to contribute so I know what's affordable and how much I need to be saving as I begin to plan. [/QUOTE]

<strong>No. Bad.  You do not bring up money with them.  If they plan to contribute, they will tell you.  Otherwise, plan as though you are paying for everything yourself.</strong>


[QUOTE]IWhat about an engagement party?  Do I just wait around to see if my parents offer to host one or do I talk to them about it? [/QUOTE]

<strong>You do not throw your own parties.  Engagement parties are not required, they are not necessary, and if no one gives you one, don't pout about it.</strong>


[QUOTE]IHow soon do I need to nail down my wedding party and when can I start asking the parents for guest wish lists?
Posted by AlexaGrant[/QUOTE]

<strong>I can't tell you how many times people choose their BP too early, and then decide that one person isn't going to work out so well.  Also, remember that BP's have no obligations or "jobs" to fulfill.  They are there because you wish for them to be a part of your day and you love them-- not for them to be slaves. 

I would put together YOUR list, and then ask parents for theirs, especially if you are paying for it yourself.  Decide how much you are comfortable (and able) to save and what is most important to you and your FI for your wedding.

Seriously though, just relax and enjoy it.  Don't rush into anything because, guaranteed, in a year, you'll completely change your mind on... well, just about everything.
</strong>

redheadfsu

I ditto Amoro.

mocha beans

I'll triple Amoro also.

We're ending up with a 3 year engagment, and believe me, after the first 6 months, I was bored silly with wedding planning and moved on to other interests; the only thing that got me interested again was changing to a DW, and I got bored with that after a few months.  There's really only so much you can do between booking vendors and getting down to the nitty gritty details, especially when that time frame is a year or so.  If you book a venue, officiant, photog and caterer nowish, you won't have much to realistically do for another year.  You can book whatever other vendors you want to/can, but florists and bakers may only book out 12 months maximum.

Enjoy being engaged right now and being able to look at different things and change your mind easily.  Work out a best case scenario guest list with everyone you would ever want.  Then work out the budget, and decide if you can afford that best case scenario guest list.  If not, cut the list down or find other ways to cut the budget, such as a smaller flower budget or cheaper invitations.

Look at lots of dresses, but don't buy one, unless you are fully prepared to never look at another one before the wedding again.  So many girls get excited and buy the dress in the first few months, and then 6 months later are trying to sell that one because they found another one they love.  Great way to waste money, IMO.

Have fun, and get an idea of what you want, before setting things in stone/contracts.  Ideas change, budgets change, situations change.  I wouldn't wait until the last minute to book or decide things, but be prepared to lose deposit money if you have to change plans somewhere down the road.

mwhitson14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_lots-of-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:77d04f76-b255-48da-b473-fcf6b01deba9Post:b0fae04c-c26a-43ff-9b5f-56ae3410b408">Lots of questions!</a>:
[QUOTE]I just got engaged a week ago - due to timing and weather considerations, we are looking to get married May or June 2011.  That's a year and a half away but I am anxious and excited to start the planning!  What do I do and where do I start when it's this far out? <strong>Just enjoy being engaged for a while! Unless you live in an area where things get booked quickly and early, there's no rush at all at this point. </strong>I'm going home for over a week for Christmas - should I start scouting locations?  <strong>Sure, if you like, but some places won't let you book that far in advance, usually they make you wait until the year mark. Unless, like I said, it's a place that gets booked early. </strong>There's one place in particular that I've always wanted to get married at - should I schedule a meeting or something to find out about details and packages they offer? <strong>You can, it won't hurt. However, this early, prices could change and unless you're ready to sign a contract and put down a deposit now, things could change. </strong>How do I approach my parents to discuss budgeting?  I'm not good at talking about money with them, but I need some kind of an idea as to how much they are willing to contribute so I know what's affordable and how much I need to be saving as I begin to plan. <strong>You don't. You are an adult, you plan and pay for what you can afford. Even if your parents contribute, please don't count on that money til it's in your hand. There have been sooo many stories of brides counting on someone to pay, then the money doesn't come through and they're screwed. </strong>What about an engagement party?  Do I just wait around to see if my parents offer to host one or do I talk to them about it? <strong>Engagment parties are not requried, and if your parents offer, fine. If they don't, fine too. Do not approach someone about throwing a party in your honor. Also, do not throw one yourself. Andplusalso, only guests invited to the wedding should be invited to any pre-wedding parties, including the engagement party.</strong> How soon do I need to nail down my wedding party <strong>No sooner than 6-8 months out.</strong> and when can I start asking the parents for guest wish lists? <strong>Nail down a venue first, and then decide on a guest list. You don't want to end up with a 200 person guest list and a venue that only holds 100. It's also a good idea to decide how many guests each side gets, if you want to do it evenly (like we did, regardless of who contributed what money) or split it, whatever. That will make it easier for each side to make the guest list. </strong>Thanks!  Looking forward to joining the boards!
Posted by AlexaGrant[/QUOTE]

AlexaGrant

Thanks for all the help, ladies!  You guys are great!

pavingtheroad

Congrats on the engagement.

Being a year and a half out you still have a lot of time to plan but there are some things you can slowly start figuring out. My suggestion to you would be first decide on a budget and basic guest list. Then go from there. My engagement will be 1.5 years by the time I'm married and I enjoyed not having to rush the planning stage.

If you want to start looking at venues go ahead and get an idea of what you might like. But don't book anything until you know how many guests your inviting. You don't want to book a place that holds 50 if your looking at 200 coming or vice versa. I booked vendors that I knew I had to have early on that way then I got to luck in on the previous year rates (saving me lots) and have the photographer or baker that I knew I wouldn't be happy with anyone else. If vendors won't book this early out they will often times hold the date for you until you can book, or at least notify you when someone else is enquiring about the same date. Then I did research on other vendors to get an idea of pricings and what was offered in packages.

It never hurts to call, email or enquire about packages and details on different vendors or venues. I did that and right away it took out locations that were way to out of my price range and gave me options that were suprisingly in my price range. And like others said, check to see availability. I booked my baker 15 months out and already most of her summer dates had been booked. So some prime vendors do book up early. 

Have your parents talked about paying for your wedding? Mine didn't and we didnt approach them about it. We figured we would plan a wedding for what we could afford and if fiance's or my parents offered to help then great and if not the we were just fine paying for it ourself. So far we are glad we decided to pay for it ourself. We don't have to check in on decisions with the parents because they are paying for that specific area and don't have the same view as we do, etc.

With the engagement party, someone should come to you about an engagement party. Don't go asking others about hosting one. 

As far as wedding party, if you know 110% who you want, I.e. a sister to be included then you can ask, but otherwise I'd wait until maybe 10 months out. I asked my girls early on but only because they all have to fly in and I wanted to give them enough time to be able to save money to fly in and buy the dress. I've heard some horrible stories of brides asking their bridesmaids and moh's to early on and then they regret doing so.

cellarius

I just got engaged a week ago - due to timing and weather considerations, we are looking to get married May or June 2011.  That's a year and a half away but I am anxious and excited to start the planning!  What do I do and where do I start when it's this far out? i'm a little longer than that far out & haven't spent any money yet. i have a good idea of what i want & i'm looking at anything & everything but personally it's too early to get things & make many permanent decisions. when we decide locaitons for sure we'll probably put a deposit down right away but that's all we'll actually pay for a while.

I'm going home for over a week for Christmas - should I start scouting locations?  There's one place in particular that I've always wanted to get married at - should I schedule a meeting or something to find out about details and packages they offer?

i mean it can't hurt to look and at least know if there's anything you really like. i would search online first though that's how i found my location & it might just tell you basic prices there.

How do I approach my parents to discuss budgeting?  I'm not good at talking about money with them, but I need some kind of an idea as to how much they are willing to contribute so I know what's affordable and how much I need to be saving as I begin to plan. i think it kinda depends on your relationship. we've always just known that our parents would be paying so it wasn't weird to bring up. since you just got engaged a week ago i wouldn't mention $ yet. if they do great but i'd wait till nxt time you see/talk to them. then i think just saying oh i wanted to talk to you & see if you were planning or willing to contribute 'cause i've been looking at everything & really wanting to know if i have a budget or what/if we have to start saving. 

What about an engagement party?  Do I just wait around to see if my parents offer to host one or do I talk to them about it? i hink it's fine to ask but you should wait a little first & see if someone wants to host you one. if not just throw a little e-celebration yourselves. a lot of people do that. obviously don't expect gifts but i wouldn't directly say anything about not doing them.

How soon do I need to nail down my wedding party and when can I start asking the parents for guest wish lists? you don't have to decide your wp for quite a while. like pp's have said in that much time it can definitely & easily change making things awkward or difficult if you pick too soon. i think you can ask them for lists anytime. i would invite relatives of course but as for inviting ppl they want over ppl you want i disagree. it's your wedding so it's your final say on who's going not theirs.

ocprincess

I say go for it and start looking at venues. Start getting an idea for what you want the entire feel of the wedding to be.  Enjoy it...you're excited right now, and so use it to see all the venues that you want to, especially since it sounds like your wedding is far (or at least far-ish) away from where you spend most of your time.

akasper16

I'm in a similar situation. Our wedding is in June 2011.  The first thing we did was make a guest list.  Some venues were automatically out because of the number of people we're inviting.  We looked at about 4 different places and ended up booking one of them.  To my suprise, people had already booked for 2011.  We were also limited to the number of places that would accomodate our guests in one room.  So I guess it depends how fast places book up in your area. 
  I also just booked the chapel we're getting married at because it's at the college we met at and that  books up very fast as well.
  We're starting to go listen to bands, but I want to spread things out so I don't get bored.  At the same time, everyone is telling me to book things fast because things around here book quick. I would try and talk to other brides in your area about how far in advance to book things.

Shaunalee44

congrats!! i am in the same boat u are in!!   the money issue is hard.. the way i approached it was i asked my dad if he wanted to check out a bunch of places with me so we can get an idea of how much he wants to spend ...
we just got engaged right before thanksgiving our day is may 14th 2011... the sooner the better start planning... always better to be safe then sorry....
as for wedding party i have my side locked down but my fiancee is taking a little bit longer to decide .lol

good luck and congrats again..its so exciting!!!

shauna ,CA

spoiled1819

My fiance and I are about 18 months away from our wedding date.  We've been engaged for almost 5 months and I am soooo tired of planning; I just want to be married now.  I've already picked my BP, asked them and they all accepted.  Just enjoy being engaged right now and congrats!

kmurr010

I am a strong believer that it is never too soon to start planning! I became engaged in September of 2008 and we are getting married in June 2010. We started our planning in October of 2008 and things have gone so smoothly! We booked our reception location in October 2008 and because we booked so early, they gave us the 2008 prices, which has saved us about 5 dollars a person...and believe me, that adds up when you have a big wedding! There has been absolutely no stress when planning and I've really enjoyed the process.

As far as budgeting, I was lucky and my parent instantly took things over. I mentioned to my parents that I would like to have an engagement party and they took care of that as well. Just be open with your parents about your concerns and things will work out.

The best advice I can give is that if you start planning now, things go much smoother, and the financial burden seems less. If you pay for things as they come up, it doesn't hurt the wallet as bad when spread out over a year and a half. The time will fly!

jessica.0723

i booked my wedding about 3 months after we got engaged, we arent getting married until 2011 as well, my venue let us lock in the price when we signed the contract, so that even in the event that the prices change, we still have the same price. you might want to ask them if they will do it...

MyNameIsNot

Everything Amoro said. 

You need to figure out budget, a rough number of guests, and the type of wedding you want to have before you start venue shopping. 

If your parents (or anyone else) wishes to contribute, they will approach you about it.  It is not ok for you to ask anyone for money.  Until someone says anything, assume you are paying yourselves, and budget accordingly.

For the e-party, you don't throw it yourself, and you don't ask for one.  If someone wants to host one for you, they will bring it up.  

On your WP, wait until about 9 months out to ask them.  Relationships change, and asking too early will just burn them out. 

For now, have a conversation with your FI about what sort of wedding you'd like to have, where you'd like to have it, roughly how many people you'd like, and start collecting ideas.  Use the timeline her on the knot to walk you through what you should be doing.  Set a goal to book a venue at 12 months out.  That should give you plenty of time to get your ducks in a row.

kennyandanita

Hi, I disagree a little with some others re: the engagement party and the parents' budget.  Do you have a very close friend or sibling you could talk to about an engagement party?  I mentioned to my sister that it would be fun to have one and she arranged-- with the help of one of my bridesmaids who lives in town, because my sister lives far away-- a kick-a** "surprise" engagement party for us, it was great!  Also I thought my dad was going to contribute *something* -- because he had mentioned it in the past, most recently when my brother got married last summer -- but he wasn't saying anything about money and we wanted to know how much we were looking to pay for ourselves.  I read in a wedding book that it's best to politely approach the parents and talk to them about a wedding budget so that everyone's on the same page and knows who is paying for what.  So we did that and found out what my parents were paying for... and before that his parents had offered to pay for some things... and we came up with a budget and agreed to pay for the rest ourselves. 

I would come up with a guest list first so then you know what size of a venue to book.  Of course you have to have your budget first so you know how many guests you can afford (guests really decide the budget!).  If there are people you've always known would be in your bridal party, like your siblings or close friends, go ahead and ask them so they can share in the fun.  If you're unsure then wait and decide later.  Congratulations on your new engagement and good luck with the wedding planning.