date dilemma

dancinfishy05

getting engaged was a dream come true that i knew would be happening soon. so i am already prepared to start planning and intended the engagement to be less than a year. after my FI popped the question he informed me that his best friend is about to be deployed overseas so the wedding date would have to depend on when he would be home. today he told me the wedding could be sometime around march 15, 2011. 1) that is a longer engagement than i'd wanted- we got engaged on march 11, 2010. 2) i am a teacher and therefore cannot just take time off in the middle of march! i'd have to get married on saturday and go back to work monday- not my ideal situation. also, my FI's best friend has been a bit of a flake in the past, so it makes me uncomfortable to plan my whole schedule around him. i KNOW that my FI will agree to whatever i want, he is such an amazing man. but i don't want to take advantage of his loving heart just to get my way. what are y'all's thoughts? 

blackfire5th

My first advice would be to not dwell on the engagement length.  I would pick a date that works for you and your FI.  I agree with you that I preferred a shorter engagement, however I was in school and doing research, so I only had a few months were a wedding would work.   DH proposed in Aug. so it worked out that our engagement was just under a year.  However, if he had proposed in March or 2008 instead, we would have still had a July wedding so our engagement would have longer than a year.  Do you see where I'm going with this?

I'm also curious as to when you were planning to have the wedding anyways since you are a teacher.  Having it this summer would give you a max of 5 months to plan (while do-able, it could be very stressful and a lot of vendors are book a year in advance) and then school starts.  I guess you could have gone with winter break in Dec.

Why not look into spring break?  Could you get married that Sat. and have that week off for a honeymoon?

If this friend is important to your FI, then I would make sure that the wedding would be able to include him.

P.S. I would remove the arrival date of the friend.  Announcing dates is the fastest way to delay them.  Remember, loose lips sink ships.  

nhelene

The thing about military dates is you can't trust them.  Your FI's friend could come home early and be deployed again.  You could set your date for when he gets home and then he gets delayed.

It sucks, since it's a close friend of your FI, but I'm going through a similar thing with a Marine friend.  Right now he should be able to make our wedding but a lot can happen in 6 months.  He was supposed to make it when our best man was married last year, but he ended up being deployed. 

I'm not saying these things happen to everyone, or that they will happen to you, but you have to be prepared for them.

blackfire5th

I understand that his dates could change, but if this guy is important to your FI, wouldn't you at least try to have the wedding when he could come?

dancinfishy05

we set a date today thanks for y'alls opinions. sometimes it takes someone else's point of view to open your eyes!