Super Long Engagement...

MaggieEngaged

So my boyfriend and I have something of a unique situation. We met, were in a long distance relationship (as in three-thousand miles) for three years, and I moved to go to college with him just under a year ago. Four years in all. He proposed last week, which is a combination of wonderful and terrifying.

Our situation is this. We have two years left of college, and feel it would be more responsible to have the wedding after we graduate. In addition, everyone on my side still lives three thousand miles away, so a lot of the planning will be done long-distance, and will include a lot of flying back and forth, which means more money, which means we need longer to save up... which has led us to a three and a half year engagement.

We know the date we want 100%, since it's a sentimental date for us and seems perfect to have the wedding on, but we have to wait another two years (maybe one and a half) before we can start making solid reservations. (We live in Puerto Rico, a popular place for destination weddings, so you have to start making reservations about two years in adavance if you want the types of venues we're looking at).

I've got things to keep me busy for a while- my fiance and I are traveling back to my home to make a formal announcement with my family and friends, plus we are helping to plan his parent's vow renewal this August. And, of course, college will keep my busy too.

I'm just worried about the idea of a "too-long engagement". This plan seems to work for us, but I'm really nervous that as time passes, it could complicate things. Has anyone else been in a similar situation that can give advice?

beimaged

There is nothing wrong with waiting, especially since it seems like it will work out perfectly for everyone to wait. Besides, an engagement doesn't have to be all about planning your wedding, it can be enjoyed because it is also a new chapter of your lives. Give yourselves the time to finish school and bask in the glory of being engaged for the next couple of years. 

I like the idea of a long engagement! It doesn't need to have negative connotation. Enjoy it! 

Best of Luck, 

Melissa

beIMAGED

pavingtheroad

If you have a specific date in mind and you want to finish school first combined with the distance thing I say go for it. No matter what you do someone will say your engagement is to long/short. Do what makes you happy and its a relief to see you arent trying to rush things like so many brides do

cyndon

Nothing wrong with wanting to finish school first. That is very smart.  Especially with pharmacy and medical school.  We will be engaged 3.5 years by the time we get married.  You all do what is right for you two.

krmabojo

Finish school first. This is the priority.

A long engagement is not unheard of, but mine in 1 1/2 year and already I wish it was sooner.

sgervais88

Finishing school first is definitely the smartest choice. That is what FI and I are doing. Our engagement is going to be 2 1/2 years total (we have been engaged since December 2009). You definitely get that planning crave every now and then where all you want to do is look at flowers and colors, but then it passes and you do your homework

Good luck! 3 1/2 years is long, but if it's the best situation for the two of you, then I say go for it! Our's is the best situation for us; some people don't agree with it or think we are waiting too long. But it's right for us, and that's all that matters.

cellarius

aw congrats! but no i really wouldn't be worried about it being too long. ours was 2 years and it's actually flying by! we're going to put the deposit down on our venue this coming week & i'm even getting a bit nervous now that it's 1.5yrs out that maybe we should consider even waiting longer lol we wanted to wait so our daughter who'd just been born could easily get what to do as a flower girl, so i could lose the baby weight [injury is making that take much longer than expected], we want to save for a longer honeymoon, plus i love DIY & want to as much as possible and that will definitely take up time as well. 

i mean if you know you're going to be together forever anyway it should be okay waiting & if you two are really supposed to be together that time will only make you closer. it's also probably good to finish school, gives you time to have fun with the engagement & plan without rushing, & it might actually make things even better & prepare you more since you guys really haven't lived close to each other for long.

MaggieEngaged

In Response to Re: Super Long Engagement...:
[QUOTE but we're ALSO planning a smaller, more intimate "wedding" in Puerto Rico for FI's family since they won't be able to come to Mass. GL with planning!! (o:
Posted by jenandcris[/QUOTE]

Fun!! I actually live and study in Puerto Rico with my FI; I love it here, it's a beautiful island, PERFECT for weddings. You'll love it! Just make sure to make any reservations early-ish (one and a half to two years in advance), especially for popular wedding times (summer and winter), cause the island is extremely popular for destination weddings, and openings fill up fast.

Thank you all so much for your encouragement; I'm glad I'm not the only one faced with a long engagement, and it's nice to hear some people tell me I'm doing the right thing- even if we know what's right for us, it's nice to have unbiased verification from others. I was especially happy to hear from those doing DIY weddings- I'm planning on doing that as well, and I'm hoping the long engagement will help with that. Thanks again, this actually made me feel a lot better.

Festiva

Congratulations!!!
And ... "meh" on the timeline issue  
That is b/c we'll have been engaged for over 3 years when we tie the knot and have been together for 5 1/2 years! 

It worked out that way for us for several good reasons, and I don't regret it nor am I embarressed by it.  It's great to be with someone long enough to totally understand the meaning of the day and commitment...good luck, God bless and relax honey b/c you're doing it right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
cheers

susieq87

I agree. I need to finish school first too in order to have enough money to pay for the wedding we want. We haven't decided exactly how long our engagement will be, but I know we are thinking around 3 years. I know I will want it to be sooner, but I do know that finishing school will be better for our future than having a wedding a year earlier

luckyme502

If you have a ring and a date, you are engaged.  If you have a ring with no date, not so much.  IMO, anything over 2 years, why even get engaged?  Just wait.  But to each their own. 

swinfany

First of all congrats on your engagement! I completely understand how you feel. Me and my FI by the time we get married (June 2012) we will have been engaged for 3 years. We did not intend for it to be this way but it is what worked for us. I'll admit we both struggle with it at times when people ask why get engaged then but you know it will all be worth it in the end. We prayed about it and this is what God's plan for our lives is. And you know this gives you time to not only save up and plan the wedding but also plan for more important things like spending the rest of your lives together. The thing I've found to be the hardest is having friends of mine getting engaged after me and getting married within a few months. I've been to more weddings this year than I ever have and let me say its tough! Sometimes I feel the excitement of being engaged is fading away but the most important is that our day will come and even though the wait seems to be tough now it will all be worth it on the wedding day. Just hang in there and there is nothing wrong with starting to plan now so you don't have everything needing to be done at one time. Good Luck!

LadySupernova

My engagement is about 3.6 years away from now (10.27.2013) so I'm with you on the same "Long engagement" boat. I think that school should be finished before any wedding should happen. The long engagement is also a good way to get every single detail out, so you can't say you didn't have time or the resources to get things together.

chosen175

We've already been engaged for a year and a half and our wedding is at least 2 years away.  You are making a VERY wise choice to put your schooling first, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!

I would also try to combine some of those trips to save on airfare.  Do you REALLY need to fly back and forth?  I'm planning a destination wedding and was able to take care of everything via internet & email and then we made 1 whirlwind Weddingpalooza trip down to our location for 4 days to meet with our top vendor contendors and sign contracts.  We won't be going back until a few days before the wedding.  IMO there's really no NEED to fly down there more than once to plan your wedding.  Save that $$, girl!