No Idea

AcousticMD

Hello!

So I'm thinking about proposing to my girlfriend on Christmas Eve, and have many questions.  First - I have no idea what to do about the ring.  I'm a medical student, so I don't have very much of a budget but do have plenty of debt already.  I think I could probably swing around $1500 - I have no idea if that's even a good amount or not.

About the ring - my girlfriend has next to no jewelry, and only wears pearl earrings I bought her.  I've never seen her wear a ring in the 4 years we've been dating!  The only things she's said is that she once made fun of a ring where the central diamond was popping out, saying that it looked funny that it was just on this huge pedastal.  Almost mocking the "hey look at me, I'm a huge diamond" aspect of some rings.  Her overall style is consistent with that.  I wouldn't say she's plain, but I would say that she is a fan of jeans.  We're also both "country folk", in that we live simple and non-extravagent lives.  Although, she does love nice, expensive, and top of the line things, but just things like electronics and cooking materials (i.e. won't settle for anything less than the absolute highest end pots and pans, All Clad copper core).  She's never shown an interest in jewelry besides pearl and diamond earrings, and has openly talked about her dislike of cheap jewelry that she may get from some random person for Christmas (i.e. grandma rings/bracelets/necklaces).

Based on that, I was thinking of getting a lower profile kind of ring, like the 3 stone or "side stone" rings I've been seeing, but I just don't know.  Does anyone have any advice or experience with a similar situation?  I don't want to get something and have her secretly hate it, but I equally don't like the idea of having her pick the ring out herself (we're probably a little too traditional for that).

Is my budget sufficient, or should I try to wait and save more?  What should I shoot for?

Can you tell I'm lost?  

Thanks in advance!

audrewuh

Check out Robbins Brother's UTwo collection as well as Moissanite rings (moissaniteco.com). <-- We're going with Moissanite

Good luck!! $1500 is do able.  

Just an idea, my BFF's husband proposed with just the diamond (yes, it was just the loose diamond!) in a box and he took her to pick out a setting later. Not sure if that saved him any kind of money, but it's an idea.

AcousticMD

Thanks for the tips.  Here are a few responses:

We're both pretty traditional, and I have a strong feeling that going shopping with her for a ring before, and even after, a proposal would go a long ways towards making it less of a special event for her.  So I don't know what to do.

One thing I do know, she's not going to be at all interested in non-diamond rings.  Size probably won't be super important, as much as quality, but she wouldn't want something dinky small either.  Is this an option with this budget?  Again, I don't have any experience with this.

Oh and she 100% does not have a jewelry allergy.  She just doesn't like to wear the jewelry that she does have.

jagore08

Is there a friend of hers you could trust with asking their opinion?  I've helped pick out some of my friends rings because they've talked about the style jewelry they like with me.  Maybe she's discussed it with her mom?

I do think that your budget is completely do-able.  Make sure you shop around to get the best price.  Here are a couple that I found from Robbin Brothers:

http://www.robbinsbrothers.com/Engagement-Rings/Classic-Solitaires/Robbins-Brothers-i25320.ring

http://www.robbinsbrothers.com/Engagement-Rings/Classic-Solitaires/Robbins-Brothers-i45516.ring

AcousticMD

A few quick replies:

Just knowing her, she will want it to be a surprise and will not be happy if it isn't one.

We just moved across the country so I could start school, so no, there isn't a friend I can consult to ask questions about it or anything.  Also, her mom passed away several years ago, and she doesn't have those kinds of conversations with her dad, I don't think.

I was thinking about something like this, espeically with the stone quality, but I don't know if it's too small or anything...  Ahh this is stressful!

http://www.bluenile.com/build-your-own-diamond-ring?action=add&pid=LD02168630&forceStep=STYLE_STEP

audrewuh

Yaga FTW!! 

AcousticMD

Sorry - it's finals week, so I don't have a lot of time to devote to this right now.  Which actually makes both situations more stressful haha.

I really appreciate all your patience and help!

AcousticMD

About round cut - I've never considered anything else for her really, but that doesn't mean I'm against it.  My perception is that there are two "traditional" shapes, meaning the ones that are the most common or what have you.  Those being round and princess.

I believe I remember hearing her make fun of princess cut before, but it could've just been a reference to the name.

Again, for her I find myself gravitating towards a classic, simple (I think she's more opposed to the second type of ring that you showed, the solitaire, because it's very prominent and not at all understated), and with an emphasis on quality over quantity.  I think she would be embarrassed if the ring brought a lot of attention or was too flashy, if that makes sense.

mymissingpuzzlepiece

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:86c2b6f0-e975-4584-b955-383d58b4857aPost:7d412221-5c0c-4692-8c4c-0a0aae065f71">Re: No Idea</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not a fan of the princess cut, either.   I think that the emerald cut is a really classic looking shape, as well.  I love the way it looks set in between two baguettes: <a href="http://www.bluenile.com/built_ring_details.jsp?built_ring_id=AF9A87C68C638F84E04010ACA020345E" rel='nofollow'>http://www.bluenile.com/built_ring_details.jsp?built_ring_id=AF9A87C68C638F84E04010ACA020345E</a>
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]


I really love this last one you posted. Looks very similar to my mom's engagement ring. Beautiful and classic. If she is classic and simple, but doesn't liked solitaire rings, I'd go with the three stone ring.

meltanne

She sounds just like me! lol.

My boyfriend and I went shopping together beforehand, and this is what we picked out. Granted, it looks funny in the picture but on a finger it is gorgeous, and we are getting it with a round stone.  I didn't want the focus to be a diamond, I wanted the actual ring to be unique/special.
Definately check out Helzberg if you have one in your area!

http://www.helzberg.com/product/1-7ct+tw+diamond+semi-mount+engagement+ring1774254.do?sortby=ourPicks

AcousticMD

I think I've heard somewhere that some people buy a lesser version as a placeholder, and then say after the proposal that they can customize it further or something.  Is that a way to tackle the "still want a surprise" but know that I probably won't be able to pick exactly what she wants problem?  How does that work?

jagore08

Some people purcahse a CZ as a place holder until they have more money to replace the center stone but you can't really change the setting.  If you're worried that what you pick won't be what she likes then look for stores that allow returns or exchanges and make sure they have a wide selection in your price range.  When you go back (if you have to go back) for reselection, ask them to pull only the rings that fit within your price range.  This way she won't fall in love with a $$$$ ring.

FWIW, DH went against what I thought I wanted but it turned out he picked out exactly what I loved.  I wouldn't change anything about my ring.  

mymissingpuzzlepiece

Personally, I think that the replacement ring idea is kind of lame. If I were you, I would just buy a ring that is your price range and that's it. The point of all of this is to promise forever... the ring is just a symbol. If it's true love, the size or setting of a ring shouldn't matter.

By the way you described her, I'm sure she'll love your idea of the perfect ring for her.

christmasprincess44

I disagree completely with the idea that a placeholder ring is not a good idea. My father proposed to my mother with a cracker jack box ring because he had no idea what she wanted, very similar to your situation, as they had not discussed it prior to getting engaged. After the surprise engagement, they went together and picked out a diamond and a setting that was within his budget but that she was happy with. It was the best of both world's and they are still together, 30 years later! As someone who was very particular about what kind of ring I will wear for the rest of my life, I would have been disappointed if I was not able to have some say in the design. But then again, I love wearing any and all jewelry! Good luck with your search and congrats!!

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:86c2b6f0-e975-4584-b955-383d58b4857aPost:687cc005-782d-4b77-84a2-74df8377dcef">Re: No Idea</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Idea : I kind of agree with that.  If you are willing to do that, I would think you'd be better off asking for her input before buying it.  Plus, I was super excited to show off my ring when I was telling people we were engaged - all the ideas I listed would be great, but I'd be tortured with having to wait to get my "real" ring.  
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]
I also agree. My FI is in a very tight financial situation, but he was set on us waiting until he could afford a ring he considered good enough, rather than a temporary ring. <div>
</div><div>OP, I also wanted to be surprised with the ring, so I'm with your GF on that. But it is really difficult to predict what she may want without some type of discussion. </div><div>
</div><div>You can either go the full on ring shopping together (obviously not purchasing right there). </div><div>
</div><div>You can ring shop online by looking at various pictures</div><div>
</div><div>Or you can go more round about by mentioning different rings of people you know and seeing what her reaction to them is. For instance, Sally has a 3-stone setting similar to what you're looking for, so you say to her, 'You know, I just realized Sally has a really nice engagement ring. What do you think?' Then repeat with another style (perhaps the princess you believe she doesn't like). Just an idea!</div>

AcousticMD

Ya, I don't really like that idea either, but what's probably most important to us is the actual relationship, not so much even the ring itself.  That's why it wouldn't really bother me if she wanted a different one, because it's not like I'm attached to it or anything.  But I guess she will be, even if it's a style she doesn't like most.

There are so many variables at play - like whether it would be better to get more carats or higher quality, knowing that in the future they could be upgraded (am I correct in that that wouldn't be a break against the symbolism and all that?).  And even when considering quality, which of the 3 is most important (i.e. does color not matter as much as cut but clarity is the biggest etc.).

The whole paradigm is weird, because we both come from modest families.  My brother got married a few years ago with what I'm sure was a less than $500 ring, probably the same for both our parents.  Yet our future together will be vastly different financially.  So it's weird that this life long thing she'll have will reflect our past more often than our future.  Maybe I'm looking into the quality/cost too much...

squishy17

We went with moissanite. It is beautiful and people dont even realize its not a diamond. But I tell everyone it not and they looked shocked They have many different styles to choose from at moissaniteco.com.

 My FI went with this

http://www.moissaniteco.com/round-brilliant-moissanite-wedding-set-setting-225ct-p-10593.html

maybe have her take a look and see what she says about it. Its nothing like CZ. its a real stone that is durable.

Just another good option! Good luck!!!

tking1286

I would suggest bring a friend of hers or one of her parents, close relative, something along those lines to help pick out a ring. You could start up a conversation asking her opinion, but try not to let on. Or, have one of her friends browse a store, one that you might buy the ring from, and see what she might like. If you are worried about budget, you could ask your parents or hers if they have a grandparents engagement ring that could be reset. That is what we did and it saved a lot of money. Good luck!

[Deleted User]

Ok - I never post on here (i just lurk...) but diamonds are a passion of mine and I felt like I needed to chime in and help you out. You MUST MUST MUST check out pricescope.com - its a diamond site with forums and tons of knowledgeable people who will help you find a gorgeous ring on your budget. Just because you don't have a ton of money doesn't mean you need to compromise on getting a quality diamond for your gf. You've got tons of options, from getting a pre-loved ring on ebay to scoring a great deal from some of the more reputable and quality online dealers.

AcousticMD

What about something like this?  I think it strikes a balance between low profile without all the super bling of the other side stone ones, and I think it would match her personality.  It's a little over budget, but life is over budget.

It'd be great if someone knew of benchmarks I should shoot for - like "don't get below color x because it'll be really noticeable" or "if you have smaller than x carats in that ring it'll look awkard" or "higher than this clarity and you really can't tell that much of a difference" etc.

Thanks as always.

http://www.bluenile.com/build-your-own-diamond-ring?action=add&forceStep=STYLE_STEP&pid=LD02200263

AcousticMD

Can you tell I'm all about the nit-picky details?  Occupational hazard I guess

Thanks for your patience!

mymissingpuzzlepiece

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:86c2b6f0-e975-4584-b955-383d58b4857aPost:a7cb610d-90f6-426d-a4ec-b3db2638a547">Re: No Idea</a>:
[QUOTE]Ya, I don't really like that idea either, but what's probably most important to us is the actual relationship, not so much even the ring itself.  That's why it wouldn't really bother me if she wanted a different one, because it's not like I'm attached to it or anything.  But I guess she will be, even if it's a style she doesn't like most. There are so many variables at play - like whether it would be better to get more carats or higher quality, knowing that in the future they could be upgraded (am I correct in that that wouldn't be a break against the symbolism and all that?).  And even when considering quality, which of the 3 is most important (i.e. does color not matter as much as cut but clarity is the biggest etc.). The whole paradigm is weird, because we both come from modest families.  My brother got married a few years ago with what I'm sure was a less than $500 ring, probably the same for both our parents.  Yet our future together will be vastly different financially.  So it's weird that this life long thing she'll have will reflect our past more often than our future.  Maybe I'm looking into the quality/cost too much...
Posted by AcousticMD[/QUOTE]

To me, quality is what is important. The color and cut are what make a diamond, sapphire or whatever gemstone beautiful...not the carat.

That is what my FI did for me. He got me the most beautiful and highest quality violet sapphire he could find. I am so happy with it.

mymissingpuzzlepiece

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:86c2b6f0-e975-4584-b955-383d58b4857aPost:f21591a7-f0a0-4b74-a94d-73b150412ecd">Re: No Idea</a>:
[QUOTE]What about something like this?  I think it strikes a balance between low profile without all the super bling of the other side stone ones, and I think it would match her personality.  It's a little over budget, but life is over budget. It'd be great if someone knew of benchmarks I should shoot for - like "don't get below color x because it'll be really noticeable" or "if you have smaller than x carats in that ring it'll look awkard" or "higher than this clarity and you really can't tell that much of a difference" etc. Thanks as always. <a href="http://www.bluenile.com/build-your-own-diamond-ring?action=add&forceStep=STYLE_STEP&pid=LD02200263" rel='nofollow'>http://www.bluenile.com/build-your-own-diamond-ring?action=add&forceStep=STYLE_STEP&pid=LD02200263</a>
Posted by AcousticMD[/QUOTE]

<div>Which one?</div>

AcousticMD

Sorry, I think BlueNile has weird issues with linking - cookie related shopping or something.  I think this link might work:

http://www.bluenile.com/build-your-own-diamond-ring?offer_id=8566&style=8566&pid=LD02132370&override=1&ring_size=&tempcurr=USD&forceStep=BASKET_STEP&rf=pd

If that didn't work, it's with setting 8566 and diamond LD02132370

It's basically that emerald cut one that was posted a while back, but with a round central and two pear shaped for the sides.

Is there a big difference between 14k and 18k white gold?  Would $200 there be better spent on $200 in the diamond?

200 extra on the diamond could go to .4c, ideal, f, vs1 from .4c, ideal, h, vs2  (of course there are differences in combination of characteristics, still not sure which is most important i.e. cut vs. clarity).

Thanks!

AcousticMD

Quickly reading some things over I learned that 14K is a lot sturdier than 18K, but they look very similar (unless maybe compared side by side).  That probably means I'll go with 14K, because she is... ahem... slightly clumsy haha.  Thanks for the breakdown of ranking what is probably more important.  I figured cut was probably important - how much it shined and all, and was also thinking that clarity was probably mostly a nit-picky thing (i.e. a layperson won't be able to tell much of a difference for the money that goes into them).

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:86c2b6f0-e975-4584-b955-383d58b4857aPost:e53655b5-2bd9-4a50-a486-39aec89e3837">Re: No Idea</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Idea : I didn't care AT ALL about clarity.  I cared about size.  (I'm a brat, what can I say?)  No one notices the inclusion except me and FI, and I don't think he saw it until I pointed it out.   Okay, I guess I did care somewhat about the clarity.  But I knew that by getting a brilliant cut diamond, they wouldn't be as noticeable.  
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]
I cared more about the size too, which is why my FI originally bought me a stone 2x as large as I wanted. Problem is, those stinkin lights at the jewelry store make everything look fabulous! When he got home, he said it looked like 'white kryptonite.' I never saw it. The next day he went back & exchanged it for a diamond slightly smaller, but much better clarity. <div>
</div><div>In his words, 'what's the point in getting a big diamond if it doesn't sparkle from across the room?' Romantic, huh?</div>

AcousticMD

So I can swing any of the three (probably a stretch for the last one though):

.45 carats, ideal, H, vs2

or

.42 carats, ideal, D, vs2

or

.40 carats, ideal, D vs1  (most expensive)

Thoughts?

MrsDrobie

I don't know if I am to late here, but I had a thought of how you could bring it up without it being about her...

You could say that a friend of yours is going to propose and asked for advise on a ring he picked because he has no idea. Show her a picture of what your friend has in mind (but really what you have in mind) and see her reaction. Basically make it seem that you have a friend going through what you are and say they asked for a wonmen's opinion. If you think you could pull it off it's a sneeky way to bring up the topic. And it may give you some insite.

AcousticMD

One of our old friends actually just got engaged and posted pictures of her ring on Facebook. I plan on using that to talk crap about the ring or praise it, kind of thing. This old friend is no longer a friend for a reason haha

MrsDrobie

Oh ok, well there you go. At least it's a way to touch on the subject and see if you can get any new information or ideas. Maybe you can get a "oh I really like this about it" or  "Oh i really don't that style I would rather have...."

Good Luck!

AcousticMD

I have a question for the ladies that are engaged or beyond: would planning or sharing details about the proposal with my/her family to test the waters of if it was a good idea ruin her excitement in sharing the story herself?  My girlfriend is definitely the type of person to want to "open the present herself", if that makes sense.