Engagement Party ? If I am planning it, paying for it, do i have to invite the WHOLE Shibang??

untamed13

So my family is huge! My fiances family consists of 3. only bc he is not that close to most of the rest.
We are considering having the engagement party at a resturant bc we do not have a large house to have a party. Now the question is :
If we are paying, is it ok to invite just the immediate family? (mom/dad/grandparents) because I have a delimma that I have three sets of grandparents, two sets of parents, and three siblings, one with a husband. So, thats already 19.
Then, if the answer is no you need to invite close friends also, then it goes up to 30.
And if the extended family should be invited then, crap that takes us up to 50! Which would make me consider another venue. 
I just dont want to spend to much money on the before wedding parties nor do I want someone to feel left out.
Thanks for helping out a newly engaged girl.

ootmother2

It's poor etiquette to host your own engagement party or any other party in your honor

coolwhipz1

agree w/ ootmother

emeejeeayen

Maybe just get the two immediate families together to celebrate. People are going to say "don't call it an engagement party," but I'm not a fan of arguing semantics. The primary issue is that the focus should be on uniting two families rather than celebrating/honoring the two of you.

tiny speck

I'd have to agree that you really shouldn't be throwing an engagement party for yourself. If someone else (a friend, family member, whoever) offers to throw one for you, that's great, but don't do it yourself. If on the other hand you just want to hang out with your closest friends and family one day or evening for a casual get together like a bbq in your own backyard or a nearby park (with no mention of engagement/wedding or formal invitations), I would say that's fine to initiate yourself.

RamonaFlowers

Another vote for "Don't throw your own engagement party". It's rude.

If somebody offers to throw one for you, worry about the guest list then.

GoodLuckBear14

Another vote for if you are hosting this yourself, do not call it an engagement party.  Invite your immediate families for a dinner or lunch but don't say anything more than we wanted to spend some time with the families and let them get to know eachother better.

arendiva

I think it's perfectly fine to gather the two immediate families together to meet each other. I probably would call it an engagement party. I think calling it a family dinner would be nice and totally appropriate. If your families have never met each other before you could call it an introduction dinner. Make the focus on uniting the families rather than on the bride and groom and I think you will be in safe ettiquette waters. I'm sure this goes without saying but if you are throwing the party don't expect or even desire gifts. If anyone asks you about a registry just mention that this is really just a dinner to join the families.

untamed13

Thank you for your insite. It helps ease some questions. In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-party-if-i-am-planning-it-paying-for-it-do-i-have-to-invite-the-whole-shibang?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:871172fc-586f-4ac0-b74b-aad36aa6eba6Post:1cdc972c-d2e1-40e8-9b1a-01cb30703c07">Re: Engagement Party ? If I am planning it, paying for it, do i have to invite the WHOLE Shibang??</a>:
[QUOTE]It's poor etiquette to host your own engagement party or any other party in your honor
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]