Just got engaged a week ago and already there's a war! Fiance vs. Mother.

kmarker625

Help!  My mother passionately wants me to get married in our home state (VA) and my fiance passionately wants to get married in his home state (NC).  There's not really anywhere significant to wed in between the two home towns.  If I choose my state, more of my family will be able to come but if I choose his state, more of our mutual friends and his grandfather (who can't travel) will be able to come.  I'm totally torn and would be happy with either site - both places are very significant and I don't have a strong preference.  My parents are paying for it, so I believe that gives them a say.   Neither side is budging and both are trying to persuade me over to their side.  My mom is especially holding her ground.  How do I decide or is there another alternative that would make everyone happy?  

babybchbum

Go with a DW.

It will allow for a smaller more initmate wedding ( you can always have a reception back "Home") and you don't have to deal with this war.'m sorry you have to go through this

janedoe1113a

Well, if your parents are paying for it, it looks like you're having it in your hometown.  They pretty  much have the final say.

Sorry you're having to put up with this.

KentuckyKate

Your hometown.  The bride's parents are the hosts, therefore they choose the venue.

redheadfsu

I ditto pps

If your parents are paying they get the Final say. Not just a say, but the final one. Sorry. If you want to pay for it yourself, you could have a DW anywhere & have two home receptions to make everyone happy.

duckie1905

Your parents are paying so therefore, they get the final say on location.  If your FI doesn't like it (or you don't like it) then the two of you need to pay for it yourselves.  Then, you can call all the shots.

adamnkel

I had a very similar problem my parents/ sisters wanted the wedding to be in MA and we wanted it in NY which is where we live. We are paying for it so we had the final say.

Where do you live now? Planning a wedding out of state is a lot of work. However if your parents are paying for it they do get the final say. Do you guys have enough money to pay for most of it yourselves. Good luck I know what you are going through.

lyndausvi

If your parents are paying and hosting I think you should have it there.  If you really want it in NC then you pay for it.

mwhitson14

You've got a couple options:

Pay for it yourselves, and do what you want (in which case I'd do a DW so neither side "wins")

OR

Have it in your hometown. He who pays, says.

kmarker625

Thank you everyone - looks like the answer is pretty unanimous and consistent.