We can't decide on a wedding date!--Advice please (especially from students).

Peach3155

Hello everyone,
This is my first post on The Knot's discussion board, and I hope I can get some good feedback! My fiance and I got engaged on April 29, 2012, but we haven't set a wedding date yet. We are torn on when to have the wedding. We are paying for the majority of it ourselves, and would like to have around 150 guests. I know eighteen months is about average, which would take us to about August 2013. However, we would like to pay all of our credit cards and medical bills off before the wedding. The other wrench in the plan is that I am in law school. August 2013 that will be right when I'm beginning my third year, and I'm worried it would be very rushed and chaotic. If we push the date until after school, May, June, and all of July 2014 would be out because I will take the bar exam in July. I'm not opposed to August 2014, but it seems so far away, and we get alot of raised eyebrows when we say it, (I  know, I need to learn to forget about everyone else because its our day). Does anyone have any advice or experience with setting a date around graduate school? We're open to all ideas, and any feedback is appreciated! Thank you. 

tkddddddddd

This is actually your second post since you moved this from the other board. I still stand by the advice myself and others presented there. 

AmJam04

Why not July 2013?

If you know you have a lot of debt you're going to have to pay off first and 17 months is not enough time to pay debts/save for the wedding, then it seems as though you'll have to plan for 2014.

Do you get winter breaks? You could potentially have your wedding during that time, too.

shawnandlauren

Screw the haters and forget the raised eyebrows.

As someone who has been in your situation, I'd advise you to wait until after the bar. Trust me.  Wedding planning (and budgeting for said wedding planning) will (and should) be the absolute last thing on your mind during 3L/bar exam shenanigans.  And if you don't already have a job locked down, the stress will be even worse.

Just don't put yourself through that kind of financial and emotional strain.  I was so happy that we waited until both of us had time to get settled and find work, because planning a wedding can be pretty stressful in and of itself.

chelsandmont35

It seems to me that you have two options 1) wait or 2)Elope, if you really can't wait to be married and can't really afford the stress or financial cost of a wedding it's the only way to go.  Sorry I am thinking this is not what you want to hear.

GoodLuckBear14

Okay.  Actual attorney here.  Wait to start planning until after you sit for the bar.

I got married six weeks after sitting for the Pennsylvania bar exam.  However, I was already a licensed attorney and had passed Ohio's exam years before.  Because I knew exactly what I was in for (and only had a PT job to deal with), I was able to get almost everything booked and finished before the end of May which is when bar review starts.  I still wasn't recovered from the Bar on my wedding day.  I was emotionally, mentally and still physically exhausted even though I'd been through this before and didn't have 3L stress in the leadup to the bar.

HTR10

I'm in graduate school and already have a Master's degree and am working on my PhD. I am in a sort of similiar situation. We are thinking we'll push it back until 2014 just because I will be done taking all my comprehensive exams (not quite as formal or comparable to the bar), and because we won't be rushed. I'm also a graduate assistant and am under contract until May 31 so unfortunately my dream of a Spring wedding (April or May) is out because of this. Go with LESS stress. Seriously. We haven't set the date yet but I have finally come to terms with the fact that I'll be less worried if I'm not under contract and done with my comps. 

Speaking of which does your fiance have a preference? Mine prefers the later date and at this point I think that's what we are leaning towards. 

Good luck!

SamTim24

<div>That is too funny... That is exactly what we are worried about. I just graduated with my Bachelors degree, but I am starting graduate school.  We have been engaged since December 2010, and we are looking at an April 2015 wedding as of right now.  Don't worry about what anyone else thinks.  It is all about you two.  My fiance was in the Army and has been gone for over half of our relationship (we are celebrating our 3 year anniversary in July)  We are taking the next couple years to finish school, figure out what we want to do, and buy a house.  He just got out of the Army in April, so we are enjoying the time together.  We already live together and everything, so not much will change between where we are now and once we are married.  We just want to take our time and enjoy each other rather than rushing to have a wedding.  Hope this has helped :)</div><div>
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</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_we-cant-decide-on-a-wedding-date-advice-please-especially-from-students?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:9ecc6601-de9e-402f-b390-4c1e5a303928Post:836d05a0-35e8-4628-913c-91c247420ac2">We can't decide on a wedding date!--Advice please (especially from students).</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello everyone, This is my first post on The Knot's discussion board, and I hope I can get some good feedback! My fiance and I got engaged on April 29, 2012, but we haven't set a wedding date yet. We are torn on when to have the wedding. We are paying for the majority of it ourselves, and would like to have around 150 guests. I know eighteen months is about average, which would take us to about August 2013. However, we would like to pay all of our credit cards and medical bills off before the wedding. The other wrench in the plan is that I am in law school. August 2013 that will be right when I'm beginning my third year, and I'm worried it would be very rushed and chaotic. If we push the date until after school, May, June, and all of July 2014 would be out because I will take the bar exam in July. I'm not opposed to August 2014, but it seems so far away, and we get alot of raised eyebrows when we say it, (I  know, I need to learn to forget about everyone else because its our day). Does anyone have any advice or experience with setting a date around graduate school? We're open to all ideas, and any feedback is appreciated! Thank you. 
Posted by Peach3155[/QUOTE]

nextrightthing

Congrats on your engagement! I second the pp's. I just graduated law school, got engaged in February of my 3L year, and I'm studying for the bar now. Due to all this nonsense, our engagement will be a full two years. I know a lot of people who got engaged during spring break 2L or 3L year, but that wasn't an option for us because we are paying for our own wedding. Good luck!

MrsBarber2B14

I think you guys should do what is best for y'all. I just graduated from a university this May and I am not getting married until I get my Masters, which is two years from now. I want to get everything out the way then get married. But people tell me the same thing because we're getting married in the summer of 2014, but I could careless because I am doing something with my life that will better me and my FI.

Goodluck girl. Do the best for you and him

Summer2011Bride

I planned our wedding while working full-time and going to grad school. Yes, it was busy but totally doable. So I vote for the 2013 date. It will be hectic, but you can make your wedding as simple as you want and don't need to overthink it. Meet with some vendors on the weekends, book the big things, and many of the details are unnecessary. Also ask FI to help; it's his wedding too. Find out the things he might be interested in doing (meeting with the DJ? Picking songs? Men's attire, etc) and don't take it all on yourself.

Having said that, you need to do what YOU feel comfortable with. So if you and FI feel better about waiting another year, then do that. Don't listen to what other people say when you tell them the date. It doesn't matter.

julib33

Wait!! My FI and I have been engaged since February and are waiting until July 2014 for similar reasons. I can't imagine rushing to do it sooner.

sagerobinson007

Wait. You're engaged so you obviously want to spend the rest of your life together. A year wait isn't going to matter much in the long run. You'll want to spend a ton of time on your wedding details without feeling guilty about not studying. Or vice versa. Wait. Where's the fire?

daffydillie

We are doing May 2013 and having about 250 we are paying for ourselves (plus reception and honeymoon), I will be in my last year of grad school. We sat down with our bank and made a debt plan to handle all of our debts, make our payments every month, and have been very good with our budget so it doesnt put us into anymore debt. We are doing payment plans with all our vendors and we both got second jobs to pay for the wedding, then to pay of his car, his student loans, then my car, and my student loans. I have less debt and own my house outright that we have been living in.

I would say do sooner, but I am an impatient person.

montanabounding

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_we-cant-decide-on-a-wedding-date-advice-please-especially-from-students?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:9ecc6601-de9e-402f-b390-4c1e5a303928Post:c96ebfa9-aff6-4dc8-893b-836b2d67b8f8">Re: We can't decide on a wedding date!--Advice please (especially from students).</a>:
[QUOTE]It seems to me that you have two options 1) wait or 2)Elope, if you really can't wait to be married and can't really afford the stress or financial cost of a wedding it's the only way to go.  Sorry I am thinking this is not what you want to hear.
Posted by chelsandmont35[/QUOTE]

FI and I are in a similar situation (only he's the one graduating) and we're doing something along these lines. We're planning on Door #2, but we can't quite figure out the timing because it'll involve a cross-country move and we want him to have a steady job and a place for the three of us to live (and insurance or a backup plan for healthcare, if the country hasn't completely gone to ruins by then).

While your timeline is good if you decide to wait, also remember that moneymaking and finances are contingent upon you (both?) finding steady employment. I don't want to be a killjoy, and I'm sure that you've thought of this, but it's not enough to just graduate and pass the bar (fingers crossed that you pass!). FI and I could get married within the next month if we wanted to, but he still has a year of school to finish, and we don't have the finances for myself and Tiny Montana to move out there with all of our stuff and get a 2+BR place and for FI to finish his year of school and for us to be financially steady - and that's with the quietest, cheapest wedding we could possibly afford. Finances are a Big Freaking Deal, and you can plan plan plan, but when school and jobs are in the mix and neither thing is guaranteed, you should probably give yourself the best chance at having what you want, or compromising in some way.

tl;dr If you reeeeeally want something more elaborate, wait and save, and hope that the law market picks up between now and your wedding. If you can handle trimming things down and you don't want to wait, then eloping or having something budgety might be your best bet.

I hope that helps. I'm in a similar boat, and I'm not trying to be a brat. I hope that it works out for you and that you have the marriage you want. In the grand scheme of things, that's what's important. The wedding is one day, but the marriage is the rest of your life (one hopes, anyway).

Psych819

Congrats!!

 I am having a almost 3 year engagement mainly for all the reasons you have raised. I will be graduating from grad school in January of 2014.Having my wedding in 2015 allows me the chance to find work and have a full year of planning without the added stress of school. It also gives us ample time to save. I would say do what works best for you. I know 2014 seems far now, but it will fly by before you know it. Good luck and all the best.

Peach3155

Thank you all for the wonderful advice! My fiance is excited to be a part of the planning and decision making (let's hope it stays that way), but he is a manager for a large FedEx ground shipping terminal so he works crazy long hours into the night. Winter break would be out because that's peak shipping season for the company. We're leaning towards the 2014 date. Even though we are both impatient and might like it sooner, I think we both know its smarter and less stressful to wait. We already live together, so not a ton will change there. And if we decide we can't wait any longer, we can always elope  

Thank you all for the comforting responses. I am slowly, but surely, learning to say its our day so we'll do it our way.