How long should an engagement be?

SCogs18

So, my boyfriend and I are not engaged at the moment.  However we have been living together for almost a year and are seriously talking about getting married.  He has said we are "basically engaged" and he is "waiting to propose until he can afford a ring."  I'm totally fine with this and he has strongly hinted for a while now that we will be engaged this fall or by the end of 2011 at the latest.  This being said, is a September 2012 wedding unrealistic (assuming he does propose)?  We both want to get married in the fall but I don't want to go crazy trying to get everything planned in time.  I want to enjoy our engagement.  Ideally I'd like a full year to plan, but I don't have any real control over when he proposes.

redheadfsu

Well, it depends if you have enough saved to pay for the wedding and what type of wedding you two decide on. Issues like how quickly venues in your area book might be an issue. But...you are not engaged yet, so don't rush it. Don't pick a date yet. All you are doing is rushing it. It might take him a year or even 2 or 3.

After you get engaged talk about what type of vision both of you have. Sit down with your FI & each of you need to talk about your three must haves & why (but after you get engaged). Then what you two can afford? Many couples pay for their own wedding now.

greeneke2

Yea I wouldn't start doing anything until he actually proposes.  My FI and I seriously talked about getting married for probably almost 2 years before he did it.  We've lived together for 3 years and everyone including us said we were basically already married, yet it took him 2 years after talking about it to propose.  

But back to the original question: We are taking a little over a year to plan (a year and a quarter) and it is perfect for us.  We got to book everyone that we wanted without problems

MissRutig

I would wait until your engaged to actually pick a timeline. Ive been with my FI since highschool, and we just got engaged 2 weeks ago.. So for 7 years weve been dating. Marriage wasnt even brought up until a year ago, and i just got the ring. I had originally thought (and secretly hoped and dreamed everynight) he would give me the ring , but it was still another 7 months after i thought he was going to finally ask that he did.

We are planing a March 2013 wedding, just because i cant imagine planning it all in a year.. and my heart is set on spring. LoL. But to each there own. If you know you have the funds(and you offically get the ring) and can plan it all by september 2012 than you will be fine. Just dont settle yourself on that timeline if you know it will be rushed and nowhere near the wedding you had hoped for. Good luck

mandi921vh

We will be engaged for about 22 months by the time we get married, it worked for us because we both wanted to be out of grad school before we get married. 

BreeBenson

I'm getting married June 25th 2011. Coy just recently proposed to me in March of THIS YEAR. Although he had p[roposed to me a few times before, without an actual ring, but we're having a nice short engagment. Your engagment should be as long as your comfortable with. We are kind of rushing ours, because i leave for Basic Training July 25th and we really want to be married before i go.

hbrockman01

We got engaged Christmas of 2009, knowing that I wanted an October wedding and knowing that I was getting married Catholic, we chose October of 2011. That way we can get everything we need to done without going crazy, plus my family is paying and I didn't think 10mths was a fair amount of time for them to come up with whatever they needed to come up with.

mary9449

We talked about marriage for nearly two years before we got engaged and our engagement was 18 months. Do not do anything until he actually proposes. Just wait and see what happens. We had to change our date right after we got engaged due to things booking quickly (that was in January of 2011 and we're getting married June of 2012). Do your research once you're engaged and base your decision off of what works for the two of you once he proposes.

bczican77

My FI proposed to me June 25th of last year. We are getting married June 24th of this year.  There are 2 reasons for the year delay.. 1. We wanted a summer wedding and June was the best month for us and 2. We are paying for it ourselves and didnt want the stress of financial issues.

Many people plan their wedding in very short amounts of time. It just all depends on your guest list and your finances. :-)

aprild86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_long-should-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:a980fac3-5dcb-4fb0-95c6-9285211c29f4Post:b166d3c4-bbab-45f7-8fea-8d94c795db9c">How long should an engagement be?</a>:
[QUOTE]So, my boyfriend and I are not engaged at the moment.  However we have been living together for almost a year and are seriously talking about getting married.  He has said we are "basically engaged" and he is "waiting to propose until he can afford a ring."  I'm totally fine with this and he has strongly hinted for a while now that we will be engaged this fall or by the end of 2011 at the latest.  This being said, is a September 2012 wedding unrealistic (assuming he does propose)?  We both want to get married in the fall but I don't want to go crazy trying to get everything planned in time.  I want to enjoy our engagement.  Ideally I'd like a full year to plan, but I don't have any real control over when he proposes.
Posted by SCogs18[/QUOTE]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 7 years. We have 2 kids together and have been living together for a year now. We planned on eloping last year, but due to financial circumstances we cannot get married until he can get the loan for our house. We even have wedding bands already, but no engagement ring (again financial thing, wedding bands were less than $100 for both). We are hoping to get everything with the house taken care of this fall and are already planning an informal at home wedding in June 2012.

HolyOne87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_long-should-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:a980fac3-5dcb-4fb0-95c6-9285211c29f4Post:a8842887-7b21-4244-9a8d-1fb4a0c76b35">Re: How long should an engagement be?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are planing a March 2013 wedding, just because i cant imagine planning it all in a year.. and my heart is set on spring. LoL. But to each there own. If you know you have the funds(and you offically get the ring) and can plan it all by september 2012 than you will be fine. Just dont settle yourself on that timeline if you know it will be rushed and nowhere near the wedding you had hoped for. Good luck :)
Posted by MissRutig[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><strong><em><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">I agree. Same here. My friend got engaged back in December and he is planning a wedding for this September. He said there is just so much to be done that you do not realize it until you are told, especially when it comes to the little things. So I definitely agree with you MissRutig about not settling on a timeline if you feel it will be rushed and not your ideal. My FI and I settled also for March 2013  because it gives us plenty of time to really take a hard look at venues and any other details for the wedding and gives us time to discuss and mull over things for the wedding. :-) But to me, everyone does things differently. I know I need a lot of time to decide on things (i'm a very indecisive individual!). But a year might be plenty of time for you, which is fine though. It is whatever you and your future FI decide is the best amount of time to get all the wedding planning done. </font></em></strong><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /></div><div>
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AlyinWonderland23

I know it's pretty much already been said by others, but my fiance and I are going to end up having about a 24month engagement. A long engagement in no way can be a bad thing. I've been starting to plan out wedding, and already I feel kinda overwhelmed, like, "I HAVE TO DO ALL THIS IN 2 YEARS?!" I guess the longer the better :] You're not alone.

[and our reason for our long engagement: my grandparents are going to end up paying for a lot of it, and they said they want me to graduate from college first. Which, is very understandable. I have roughly two more years to go.]

rich&skinny

My fiance didn't give me a ring until a few months ago, but we began planning last fall because we wanted to get married in fall 2011...but only you know what basically engaged really means....be careful not to pressure your BF/FI if he isn't on the same timeline as you. 

And as everyone else said...its pretty normal to have a long engagement. Even with a little less than a year we have gone a couple months at a time doing pretty much nothing wedding related and I think we're still on track!  

Jerusha19

Be careful with "basically engaged" my BF and I were together 11 years, living together for 6 years and were considered "basically engaged" for the last 5 years. He just proposed to me this last Feb (and it wasn't saving for a ring, he bought the ring that day at a grocery store for $10 - Sounds aweful to some but with us it was perfect). Even now, we've been engaged for 3 months but he is refusing to plan anything, he won't even set a date. I guess to answer your question, make the engagement as long as you are comfortable with. If you're saving money or want an in demand venue then go for a longer engagment. If you are doing a small, casual family thing in your backyard you might not need as long. Fingers crossed that the "basically" is removed ASAP!!

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_long-should-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:a980fac3-5dcb-4fb0-95c6-9285211c29f4Post:231f71ef-b3e2-4cdd-9dd1-05511b4de4e6">Re: How long should an engagement be?</a>:
[QUOTE]Be careful with "basically engaged" my BF and I were together 11 years, living together for 6 years and were considered "basically engaged" for the last 5 years. He just proposed to me this last Feb (and it wasn't saving for a ring, he bought the ring that day at a grocery store for $10 - Sounds aweful to some but with us it was perfect). <strong>Even now, we've been engaged for 3 months but he is refusing to plan anything, he won't even set a date</strong>. I guess to answer your question, make the engagement as long as you are comfortable with. If you're saving money or want an in demand venue then go for a longer engagment. If you are doing a small, casual family thing in your backyard you might not need as long. Fingers crossed that the "basically" is removed ASAP!!
Posted by Jerusha19[/QUOTE]

Red flag.

I would have a sit down talk with him asap/ counseling. Why will he not set a date? Sounds like he gave you a ring, but doesn't plan to marry you. I would walk away. You deserve someone that can't wait to marry you. I had a long engagement because of school but we were/are ok with it. Sounds like you resent him. Sorry. Good luck.

[Deleted User]

As long as you need it to be for $ and planning.  If you're doing a lot of DIY projects you probably want it longer than if you're going to pick a venue that does a lot for you.  Mine was going to be 11 months but the venue only had Labor Day weekend available and I knew I wanted it there, so we moved it to November and now it's 13 months.  If his proposal doesn't give you enough time, just push it back another year.

Temmith

I got engaged nearly 2 years ago, because FI said he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me then. But we knew we coudn't get married immediately. We are finishing college soon and we wanted to wait untl after we graduated to really start on planning. I also told him I wanted at least 2 years to plan, so that I could buy things on sale and do a lot of DIY projects along the way to save money. So, when all this is over, we will have been engaged for 4, nearly 5 years!

For a lot of people this is WAY too long an engagement, but for our situation, it works. I have to admit I have been occasionally jealous of some of my fellow brides, but I still think it is the perfect amount of time for us.

Really, it's all dependent on your own situation and what you are comfortable with.