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Just Engaged and Proposals

He won't set a date!!

Okay, so Iknow posts have been made about this subject already but I cannot find one that fits my situation. :( My fiancee' and I have been together for 5 years. Right before I deployed to Afghanistan , he proposed THAT WAS ALMOST 3 YEARS AGO! We recently decided to move into seperate places (in hopes to get him to commit). Everytime I bring up the subject of marriage he acts like I am pressuring him! I have talked to family and friend and thayre no help due to bias. He is a good man and I want to marry him but I am not sure if he proposed because I was leaving or because he loves me.  Should I drop the subject and continue to wait or what?! I'm truly desperate for an answer here.

Re: He won't set a date!!

  • Honestly?  This probably isn't the whole story, but in my opinion, if you are taking steps backwards in the relationship (moving out), it might be time to consider going your separate ways.  I think if he wants to marry you, you would've set a date by now.  Unless you were 18 years old when he proposed....that might change things a bit. 
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  • I really hate to say this, because I don't think it's what you want to hear, but him not marrying you is a pretty huge sign that he...doesn't want to marry you.  Unless you are 100% okay with him never marrying you and want to stay with him anyway, it's probably time to move on.

    Just...that ball-and-chain, you have to hassle men into getting married myth is just that...a myth.  A grown man who loves you and who is emotionally capable of a healthy marriage will want to marry you just as much as you want to marry him.
  • I give OP props for having the self-respect to not continue living with a guy who dodges the whole marriage issue.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_he-wont-set-a-date-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:bb0a52eb-24ed-49fa-b17e-d6c4a7ab4420Post:abb1e214-34a4-44aa-acb4-0e5597377603">He won't set a date!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, so Iknow posts have been made about this subject already but I cannot find one that fits my situation. :( My fiancee' and I have been together for 5 years. Right before I deployed to Afghanistan , he proposed THAT WAS ALMOST 3 YEARS AGO! <strong>We recently decided to move into seperate places (in hopes to get him to commit).</strong> Everytime I bring up the subject of marriage he acts like I am pressuring him! I have talked to family and friend and thayre no help due to bias. He is a good man and I want to marry him but I am not sure if he proposed because I was leaving or because he loves me.  Should I drop the subject and continue to wait or what?! I'm truly desperate for an answer here.
    Posted by vegak[/QUOTE]

    This is worrisome and not indicative of a healthy relationship. Usually when people do things to try to get the other to commit, it's going to do the opposite. Honestly, it sounds like he has changed his mind on marriage. I'm really sorry; that must be awful. But I don't think you're going to be happy staying with him and marrying him.


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  • This really is horrible! I'm sorry!
  • The previous posters have given you good advice. It doesn't seem healthy or a good sign that you are moving apart like this. Especially after having been apart while you were deployed? I know you say you love him, but it really seems time to cut your losses and move on. You deserve to marry someone who loves you too and who wants to marry you.

    I wish you the best of luck and I'm sorry you're going through this!
  • I agree with PPs on this. It does not sound like he is ready to get married, or has even changed his mind altogether. How old are you, by the way?

     Regardless, just sit down and have a brutally honest conversation with him about your relationship.
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  • It sounds like he's not serious about your relatinoship. If you two are moving out and separating then the chances are you are on the way out the door. I think you are better off cutting your losses now, than waiting another 3 years to find out this isn't what he wants.

    Also, I wouldn't go to his friends or family about this, it's between the two of you. Ultimately you both have to make the decisions to make this work or move on.
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  • Does he feel like there isn't any stability because of your job? To me there are two sides. He asked because he was worried about you cheating. Or he feels like things should settle down with your job before you guys set a date. If you bring up these teo things and he still cannot give a clear straight answer then maybe it's best to call itoff. No matter how much you love him.
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  • In all honesty, and this may sound harsh, but if youre asking on here then you probably already have answer. Sounds to me that if he wanted to marry you, he would have done so by now. A man that loves you doesnt wait and IS involved in the process...plus, he wouldnt have let you move out. Move on and find a man who doesnt waste your time.
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  • Lyds85Lyds85 member
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    i have to agree with the others on here, probably not a good sign if you are getting seperate places :/ You should sit him down and tell him to be honest with you, because after all you deserve honesty! Have a serious talk with him and get to the bottom of this!
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