Long story: I will start from the beginning but if you are reading this only for the topic then please skip to:
HERE'S THE ISSUE:
How it happened:
I am "secretly" engaged to my boyfriend of 2.5 years. We had been tossing the idea of getting married since pretty much, our first date! We had an awesome time just hanging out and laughing with each other and when we skipped through the parking lot toward his car after seeing a movie together he opened the door for me, we laughed some more and then he plopped into the driver seat and just sat there smiling at me like a little kid. Jokingly I said. "We're gunna get married" and he laughed but before we made it out of the parking lot he was smiling and said "I actually like that idea" Neither one of us really took it seriously then. Small wedding planning ideas have come up from time to time about themes, decorations, but we never considered ourselves actually engaged until a few months ago. We were in the car again, (I was driving) and I turned to him and said "what do you think of X day for a wedding" He looked at me with a look of someone who had just been told a really really cheesy joke and said "Really.. are you serious" with a bored tone of voice. So I started to back track: "Well, I guess not. I just thought...." and he loudly interrupted me looking all excited and saying "THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN AWESOME IDEA!"
HERE'S THE ISSUE
We haven't told our families we are engaged because he wants to formally propose and give me something to show to people and have the blushing bride "omgomgomg" stories for my friends. His parents and I get along REALLY well. They treat me like part of the family already. My family has completely accepted him and even invite him over to dinner when I travel for work. Both families know marriage is in the future... they just hope it's in the FAR future. I am well into my late 20s and he is 3 years younger than I am. I have a very professional, respected job earning enough right now to cover my rent/bills/groceries/gas/etc but for now, that's about all I can afford. 5 days after our wedding I will receive a $9 raise and it only escalates from there. Not to mention the company benefits. My FI has 3 part time jobs while attempting to finish school part time and become a published writer. He can not support himself because all of his money goes into his college funds. We are pretty much living together (though his family does not know it) and are very much in a spouse-like environment.
I think my mom can sense that the news is coming soon. She keeps finding little moments to tell me how much she thinks of him but has said "before you make any major commitments, let him finish school" When I try to explain to her that he is only taking 3 classes at a time because that's all he can afford and he has about 6 years remaining of school because of this, she tries to change tactics and advise that we should wait until I get hired at a major company that will start me close to 6 digits a year. (that will be 5 - 8 years)
As for my FI's family, they don't think he is financially mature enough to take on the responsibility of a husband. His mom has asked him if he will be able to accept the fact and I will provide most of the household income. They are more concerned that he is still only 16 at heart. When he asked his family if they would approve of him asking me, a majority of their reaction was whether or not he was mature enough.
We are both geeks at heart. We love comic books, star wars, and all things related to Mickey Mouse! We play video games together and go to midnight premiers of books and movies that most fans dress up to attend. I know how that makes us look to our families but when it comes down to it we are actually really responsible people. We won't have any debt other than his student loans and his car (who doesn't have student loans though?!) We understand and have seriously discussed finances and raising children, religion, and other things that should be agreed upon. We love each other and know this is right. The marriage would also be extremely beneficial. My company assists with education, he would be able to finish school sooner and get a job teaching while he continues to work on his books.
I guess what I am looking for from the responses of this post is advise on how to tell my mom that we are getting married and that we will be ok. Sure it will be hard in the beginning but that's part of the adventure! In the end it's not about how well we can support each other (even though that wont be an issue for us)