How to ask the parents (about money)...?

KMan12

I'm planning a wedding on a tight budget that my fiancee and I will likely pay for entirely. I'm 100% fine with paying for it ourselves, but I feel like I should ask my parents (who I assume will contribute zero) just to be sure...I think DF's parents will contribute to some things, but I don't know how to ask that either...I want to know EXACTLY how much $ I'm working with so we can change our tastes accordingly and still have a beautiful, meaningful wedding. WDYT?

HobokensFury

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ask-parents-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:cac2af8a-89e4-454e-a413-0653db218387Post:40b955a1-3f42-461b-a5c5-dd2315796472">How to ask the parents (about money)...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm planning a wedding on a tight budget that my fiancee and I will likely pay for entirely. I'm 100% fine with paying for it ourselves, but I feel like I should ask my parents (who I assume will contribute zero) just to be sure...I think DF's parents will contribute to some things, but I don't know how to ask that either...I want to know EXACTLY how much $ I'm working with so we can change our tastes accordingly and still have a beautiful, meaningful wedding. WDYT?
Posted by KMan12[/QUOTE]

Don't ask for money. It's rude and unproper.

kmmssg

Don't ask, but what you can do is share your plans according to your budget with them.  If they want to contribute, this is a good time for them to bring it up.  If they don't, you haven't gone into bad territory by asking them.

Have they ever mentioned that they would help you with a wedding?

jagore08

If they want to contribute they will offer.  You should ask them for money.  Plan the wedding you and your FI can afford and then if either set of parents want to contribute you can upgrade things.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ask-parents-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:cac2af8a-89e4-454e-a413-0653db218387Post:ecb70c55-06ca-44f3-8cc0-9a35a76e8344">Re: How to ask the parents (about money)...?</a>:
[QUOTE]If they want to contribute they will offer.  You <strong>should </strong>ask them for money.  Plan the wedding you and your FI can afford and then if either set of parents want to contribute you can upgrade things.
Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]

<div>I think you meant 'shouldn't', right? You're doing the right thing by planning a wedding that you and your FI can afford. If later on in the planning either your parents or his parents offer money, then you can either make changes to your plans or save the money for a HM, car, house, etc.</div>

nvelez28

I think you should avoid this.  If they can and want to, they will bring it up.  As soon as you start talking about concrete ideas like venues and going dress shopping, a willing parent would chime in about his/her contribution.

If they can't or won't, it could open a proverbial can of worms--hurt feelings, shame, etc.

cebrady89

I'm a firm believer that it's okay to discuss money with your parents, as long as you don't expect money from them, or sound like a whiny child.

I agree that asking for money is rude, but you seem to know that. You said you are planning the wedding you and your fiance can afford, and that's smart!

I know my parents had set up an account for the purpose of saving for my wedding, so perhaps your parents have done something similar. I don't think it would hurt to casually say "Were you planning on hosting the wedding? We're prepared to host it ourselves, but wondered if you had other ideas." I think this way you're not asking them to pay, but asking what their stance on it was.

However, you already said you don't think they'll contribute - think about if you really want to ask, then. Might not be worth it.

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ask-parents-money?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:cac2af8a-89e4-454e-a413-0653db218387Post:5d02576e-7837-463b-9eaf-fff644720f38">Re: How to ask the parents (about money)...?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask the parents (about money)...? : I think you meant 'shouldn't', right? You're doing the right thing by planning a wedding that you and your FI can afford. If later on in the planning either your parents or his parents offer money, then you can either make changes to your plans or save the money for a HM, car, house, etc.
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]
Oops, yes.  I meant shouldn't ask them for money.  Thanks.

KatePlusNate04

I wouldn't bring it up with them. If they want to offer to pay for parts of it, they will.

ehenry010

If they want to help you out financially, they will offer.

mercy4

I understand not asking for money, but they are your (or FI's) parents.  Just talk to them about how you're trying to pay for your own wedding and just wondering if they are going to be able to help and how much they are thinking.  If you can't be honest with your parents, who can you be honest with?

freebread03

I just can't get down with previous posters who think you should ask your parents if they're planning to contribute.  They'll either offer or they won't.  They've either mentioned it in the past, which opens up the door to bring it up again, or they haven't, in which case you don't bring it up.  It's not "being honest" with your parents by asking them--I think it's putting them in a weird position where it sounds like you expect it.

I know my parents are not planning to contribute--not because they have said ANYTHING about it, but because I'm an adult who can pay for her own wedding (or celebration, or whatever), and I can't imagine asking if my parents were going to pay for something.  

Zimsgirl

Don't ask for money it's rude. If they want to offer they will.