Just Engaged and Proposals

Name change?

Hi, all!  Brand new bride-to-be here!  We've been engaged about six weeks, and he recently asked what I wanted to do about names, whether I wanted to take his name, etc.  And to be honest, I'd never once considered doing so.  He has a small preference for my doing so, but isn't pushing - yet.  His argument is that having one name represents to the world that the couple is a united family, rather than two random people.  However, I don't think that the same name is what makes a family.  What are the prevailing thoughts among some of you?

Re: Name change?

  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited June 2010
    Not changing mine, but i have professional reasons for not changing. But i will have no problem if people call me his last name socially. I would only correct anyone that turns the taking-his-last-name into a big deal. (there are a few of those jerks left) Plus, i see first hand how annoying it is if you get divorced.

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    Married 9/15/11

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  • I can kinda see where he's coming from on the whole united family thing. But you two can still have the same name without you necessarily just taking his. You could both hyphenate, he could take your name, or you could come up with some amalgam of both your names that you both would take. (I personally am taking my fiancé's last name)
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm taking his. I have no attachment to mine, my name doesn't define me as a person. It will make it easy when we have kids and people won't be constantly calling me by the wrong name. Unless professionally you have established a name for yourself I don't really see the point in not taking his name.

    Also, his family might be offended by your choice to not take his name. I've heard several brides on these boards have a problem with that. I think you really just need to weigh both sides. Is it really that big of a deal to you? If it is then keep your name. If not then just change it.

    I can kind of see where he is coming from with the united family thing but then why couldn't he take your name? That is always an option as well. I think you have to figure out what is best for both of you. Marriage is all about communication and compromise. You are going to have to figure out how to compromise with each other because you will disagree a lot.


  • I'm not taking my fiance's last name legally.  It just doesn't sit well with me to change the name that my parents gave me when I was born.  I will definitely socially be referred to as Mrs. HisLastName.

    Recently, my fiance explained to someone why I wasn't taking his name and he said "she's already been published under her name so she can't change it."  While true, now I'm concerned that he tells people that so he doesn't have to say "she doesn't want my name."  That makes me feel a little guilty.
  • We got engaged about 3 weeks ago.  We actually talked about this yesterday.  I've decided to take his last name, and keep mine original one as a second middle name.  (I'm not a fan of hypenated last names)  I do want to have the same last name as my children.  But I want to keep mine too so that it's less confusing professionally.  So, professionally I'll have two last names, but socially I'll just have the same one as everyone else in my house.
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  • I'm definitely taking his last name. There's several options to consider, though. My one friend hyphenated her last name with her husbands, and he also took her hyphenated last name with his own as well. Just another option :)
  • Thank you all for posting.  My professional standing is a part of it - I'm in my mid-30s with an established professional reputation and don't want to confuse future clients or employers.  I'm also an only child - the last in my branch of the family.  From my fiance's perspective, he knows that to hyphenate his name with mine would hurt his father's feelings deeply (my fiance is the only one of his father's children to have his dad's name without hyphenation), but at the same time he is considering changing his "Americanized" name back to its original spelling upon his father's passing.  If he does so, that name would mean very little to me and require another name change.  I've just never thought of myself with any name other than my own.  And almost none of my girlfriends have changed their names. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_name-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:cb091c4f-69ea-480e-b019-23beb145e832Post:35ae0918-f4a8-42f0-906f-b9944e35ce81">Re: Name change?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm taking his. I have no attachment to mine, my name doesn't define me as a person. It will make it easy when we have kids and people won't be constantly calling me by the wrong name. Unless professionally you have established a name for yourself I don't really see the point in not taking his name. Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

    This. Ditto!
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