Rushing it?

sweetpea0911

My boyfriend recently proposed and I couldn't possibly be more excited.  We're talking about a date in 2012 (January or early February) and things for the two of us are moving along at a nice pace.  We've talked about wedding party, ceremony, officiant, reception, colors, everything.

Because we're going to be paying for the bulk of this ourselves (and we're graduating college in May), it's going to be a low-budget, DIY kind of wedding, which I love, because I feel it will have more of a meaningful touch [just my own opinion for our wedding].  We're trying to plan what we can now - date, pick our invitations and save-the-dates, look at photog.s and caterers, etc. - because we need to know what we're looking at for prices.

Even getting quotes and such, though, and his family is already getting prickly.  His father and sister think we're "rushing into" this whole getting married thing, and so does my father and some of our friends.  Both of our mothers are on board with our thoughts and planning skills, and my best friend and sister think I'm being smart about it.

I just don't know how to handle the nay-sayers and am not quite sure what to say when they start on their "well-meaning" lectures.  It's not even been a month yet and I'm already tired of hearing it.  Does anyone have any suggestions?

Ana_2985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_rushing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:cd7a42f7-87a6-4ecb-8e28-f45d0ce82a1bPost:bfaf81f9-344b-4ccb-94af-5bb54e1d8519">Rushing it?</a>:
[QUOTE] We've talked about wedding party, ceremony, officiant, reception, colors, everything.
Posted by sweetpea0911[/QUOTE]

These are all things that only have to do with the wedding.  Have you and your FI talked about marriage at all?  Like finances, raising children, household responsibilities, etc.  Definitely make sure you talk about these and other important issues before you start planning a wedding.  Maybe your family is more concerned with this aspect than the wedding details.

As far as planning the wedding goes- I agree with PP.  You are rushing into a bit.  It's a great idea to do a little bit of research so you can get any idea of how much money you need to save and how you are going to budget for that over the next two or three years.  But you're tastes and styles will probably change over the next two to three years so it's probably not a good idea to begin buying anything or making definite plans yet.

redheadfsu

I ditto PPs.

Planning- Research, but wait to do any actual booking. You will probably change your taste and style by 2012. Or in a year find a cute  idea/ location/etc. that changes everything.  We are in the tail end of a  long engagement (just recently got settled after law school) & I have a totally different wedding planned then I did when we first got engaged.

Marriage- Discuss long term goals, income, kids, etc.

Could it be that they think you are to young? (Not saying it is true, but could they  want you two to wait  until you are settled after college.) Are you finishing undergrad or grad school? Remember the job market is still crappy, maybe they want you to be settled before you start planning expenses.

diamondx423

I'm having a June 2012 wedding and we're looking to book the venue at the end of March... venues in my area book up really fast (ie if I wanted June 2011 I'd have needed to book 6 months ago) so I don't think you're rushing it... but then again I get told I am daily.

sweetpea0911

It's both - planning and being too young.  I'm mostly getting estimates for everything but church and reception place - things fill up fast here and we're set on where we want to get married and have the reception.  Everything else is just research and even then I get told I'm "rushing looking into things".

And his family thinks we're too young.  We're just finishing up our undergrad, and that's part of the reason we're waiting two years to actually get married...we want to have jobs and a place to live and all that stuff.  His family is really religious and doesn't want us to live together or basically be near each other for those two years, and I've already told him I'm not okay with not being near each other (I'd learn to live without living with him), so he's looking into living near/with me while we save, which makes his dad and sister angry to no end.

We've talked a lot about marriage and what we want out of our lives, and we're going to keep talking.  My parents are divorced and remarried so if anything good came out of that for me, it was making sure that my fiance and I are on the same page for what's heading our way.

Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy being engaged - and I really am!! - but his family is making it really hard with all of their butting in already...it's going to be a long road and I'm frightened a bit.  He keeps trying to reassure me, but...well...yeah.

Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it. =]

Sweetpea

spaje

Well, I think you're being pretty smart about it.  Doing  the same thing on this end.  It's a good idea to get a look at what you're possibly getting into, especially w/ the costs of these things.  From dresses to Venues costing anywhere between the hundreds to thousands of dollars and then some.... It's totally worth it to see what you're in for.  Just don't sign anything unless you are ABSOLUTELY certain that's what your'e gonna do.  look it over, and give it some time...and let the idea just sink in.  That's what a notebook's for (as I'm finding out.)  Take a digital camera w/ you and take pics when you go look at the venues...talk prices, but make sure they know you're just looking at this point.  However, I can totally see eye to eye w/ what I've read so far.  Places book early, VERY early on sometimes... and sometimes ya just gotta have it ready 1-2 years in advance.  Hard to believe, until ya gotta do it.  Have fun!