Newly engaged and....

missmegan9009

We want to elope. This has been our decison for about 6 months (before he even proposed). We are going to Gatlinburg TN and having just us, a photographer, and a preacher. I know that this site is mostly for people having actual weddings (like with the family and such) but that's not our style. We just want it to be us. My questions are as follows:

His mom is going to be upset b/c he is the oldest and first to get married so she wants to be there which is understandable but....just not what we want.... I was thinking of inviting her to go dress shopping with me as I'll still be getting a wedding dress. I also thought that maybe her and him can go pick out what he will wear. We will also be doing a reception when we get back and I thought about incorporating some traditional reception activities in there to help her get some of those memories such as cutting the cake, boquet toss, us in our wedding clothes, first dance, etc. Any other ideas ladies? I don't want her to be upset b/c she is a great FMIL. 

Our wedding date is about 2.5 years out. Is that too long? Everyone I have talked to is all "Why are you waiting soooooo long????!!!!" haha I have even considered saying we don't have a date yet just to avoid explaining that we are saving our money because we want a nice long honeymoon and don't want to have to borrow money to pay for our wedding. Any advice?

Thanks everyone!

tiny speck

This is not an elopement you're planning, it's a private ceremony with an at-home reception. And honestly, I don't see the point, especially if you want to recreate your wedding at the reception; that's what people on here generally refer to as a PPD (pretty princess day), and I'd advise against it.

If you want to elope, go for it. That means getting married, just the two of you, without any guests or reception, and without any pre-wedding parties like showers or a bachelorette.

If you want to wait 2.5 years to plan your "reception" why not just include everyone you invite to that to your marriage ceremony as well, and call it a day?

HobokensFury

Speck is right. You either elope or have a wedding. You don't get both.

missmegan9009

Hmmm so either upset ALL of the family or go against what WE want. Good options.

Not trying to sound negative nancy here but I just don't understand what is wrong with having a reception/get together to celebrate our wedding after we get back. I have heard of lots of people doing it. 

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newly-engaged-and?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:d304f81b-a66b-4ce9-a62c-91a8853539d7Post:ca39ad37-abdc-4777-b2c4-2a98315886b3">Re: Newly engaged and....</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmm so either upset ALL of the family or go against what WE want. Good options. Not trying to sound negative nancy here but I just don't understand what is wrong with having a reception/get together to celebrate our wedding after we get back. I have heard of lots of people doing it. 
Posted by missmegan9009[/QUOTE]

<div>Lots of people do lots of things. That doesn't make them the right things to do.   You can have a party to celebrate your marriage when you get back, but it's not a reception. A reception is where you RECEIVE the guests who were at your ceremony. </div>

kaos16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newly-engaged-and?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:d304f81b-a66b-4ce9-a62c-91a8853539d7Post:ca39ad37-abdc-4777-b2c4-2a98315886b3">Re: Newly engaged and....</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmm so either upset ALL of the family or go against what WE want. Good options. Not trying to sound negative nancy here but I just don't understand what is wrong with having a reception/get together to celebrate our wedding after we get back. I have heard of lots of people doing it. 
Posted by missmegan9009[/QUOTE]

Because as adults we have to make decisions and some of them are hard.  If you want an at home reception with a dress, cake, bouquet toss etc, you don't want to elope.

missmegan9009

Thanks ladies  

cbrown828

FWIW, I've known people who have been married at Gatlinburg and brought their family/close friends along. They had everything there, wedding and reception, with those who made the trip. Is that perhaps an option for you to keep from upsetting the family? You could still have a big party later on, but it wouldn't be a wedding reception. So there wouldn't be spotlight dances, wedding dress, WP, bouquet toss, etc. Just a thought.

nesneve

I actually think you should do what you want. I know it's against the forum culture, but a reception without ceremony can work out fine if you're not expecting people to get gifts - it will be more like throwing a party, which isn't rude in my book. But then again I see the reception as a celebration of your getting married, and not as receiving presents and thanking your guests for witnessing your ceremony. The reception is the central thing for me. 

Just make sure it's a relaxed thing, even if you do include wedding traditions. Including your FMIL in the dress shopping etc. would be nice. I do however agree that eloping means no showers (at least not on your initiative!).

Where I come from, it's quite common for the guests not to see the ceremony, as non-religious ceremonies are often only avaliable on weekdays and receptions are usually on Saturdays.

missmegan9009

cbrown- I did consider that for a while but my FH is more comfortable not saying his vows in front of even his family. I'm compromising that so that we can have a more traditional......afterparty? lol. I do appreciate the advice though! If only everyone were satisfied with whatever. Can't make everyone happy

nesneve- Thank you! lol I don't care about presents and stuff and same for the "showers/parties". My friends has asked me if i'm having a bachelorette party and i was kinda like ehhhh probably not lol. I'm just not  a partier. Me and my FH have lived together for 2 years so we don't really need too much as far as house stuff goes. All I want is just to have a big cookout type of party so that's what we will do. I like how you said that. A "Celebration of our marriage" is exactly what I want!! Not a present fest haha. 

staar987

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newly-engaged-and?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:d304f81b-a66b-4ce9-a62c-91a8853539d7Post:11019749-89e4-4155-9eed-9640921c5d6a">Re: Newly engaged and....</a>:
[QUOTE]cbrown- I did consider that for a while but my FH is more comfortable not saying his vows in front of even his family. I'm compromising that so that we can have a more traditional......afterparty? lol. I do appreciate the advice though! If only everyone were satisfied with whatever. Can't make everyone happy ;) nesneve- Thank you! lol I don't care about presents and stuff and same for the "showers/parties". My friends has asked me if i'm having a bachelorette party and i was kinda like ehhhh probably not lol. I'm just not  a partier. Me and my FH have lived together for 2 years so we don't really need too much as far as house stuff goes. <strong>All I want is just to have a big cookout type of party</strong> so that's what we will do. I like how you said that. A "Celebration of our marriage" is exactly what I want!! Not a present fest haha. 
Posted by missmegan9009[/QUOTE]

That sounds like it would be nice. But it isn't a reception. I, and many others, would side-eye you if you wore your wedding dress, had a bouquet toss, and a first dance.

Have a cookout and calll it a celebration of your marriage, but don't call it a reception and don't do all those wedding reception activities.

Sierra524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newly-engaged-and?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:d304f81b-a66b-4ce9-a62c-91a8853539d7Post:d12f3190-32ca-4d6c-ba29-632c84c3d5eb">Re: Newly engaged and....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newly engaged and.... : That sounds like it would be nice. But it isn't a reception. I, and many others, would side-eye you if you wore your wedding dress, had a bouquet toss, and a first dance. Have a cookout and calll it a celebration of your marriage, but don't call it a reception and don't do all those wedding reception activities.
Posted by staar987[/QUOTE]

This. If you want to "celebrate your marriage" afterwards, go ahead. But dont refer to it as a reception and dont do anything wedding related, especially wear a wedding dress.

Knottie_22388973

I went to an in-home "reception" after my friend and her now-husband eloped in Hawaii. It was really really nice! My friend wore her wedding dress, cut the cake, and had presents, and made toasts. I honestly think it shouldn't matter what you do or how you do it as long as you surround yourself with people who care more about YOU and respect and celebrate YOUR choices and not about traditional wedding norms. I say go ahead an elope if that is you and your fiance's style and have whatever kind of party you want afterwards (call it whatever you want as well!). The great thing about weddings today (and the celebrations around them) is that they don't have to be traditional anymore! Congrats and good luck!