Nervous

Kimmyfae

I know this is an awful way to introduce myself, but I just got officially engaged yesterday. I knew we both wanted to marry each other, even if we are both really young. I'm 18, and he's 21. But we seem to be beyond perfect for each other. We went to Kay jewlers yesterday and we were just playfully looking at rings, but then we found one the we both really liked. It's not the normal engagement ring, it actually wasn't even in the engagement ring section, it was in the 'Loves Embrace' section....we're planning the day to be December 31st, 2012. We really want a long engagement so we don't decide that this is a huge mistake later. But I'm really nervous because it feels that it's real now. That we're REALLY engaged and this is REALLY happening, I'm happy but I'm conflicted I suppose. I really wanted this but now that I have it my mind is going insane. Is this normal? Did anyone else feel like this?

bethsmiles

I would say you are having those feelings because somewhere inside your head you know you are too young to make a decision like this. My guess is that before you had the ring it was more hypothetical in your mind but now that you have the ring you see it as more real.

If you love him now and the two of you are meant to be together then you will still be meant for each other 5 years down the road.

loves2shop4shoes

Honestly, I was with FI when he purchased my ring.  I, too, was in a profound state of shock when he bought my ring.  I literally pulled him aside, and cried, and asked him "are you REALLY sure about me?  This is a HUGE investment in ME."  He wiped away my tears and told me yes.  Then I proceeded to question him about, "What if something really awful, unavoidable, and unexpected happens in our future?  What if it completely changes us?  What if X, what if Y, what if Z?"  He told me that there's no way of knowing what the future would bring, but he promised me that no matter WHAT, he would love me anyway, would work through it with me, and would NEVER give up on our relationship.

I then felt slightly better and he bought the ring.  Also, right AS he was proposing, I had a VERY brief freakout in my head.  It wasn't a freakout about HIM, it was a freakout about OMG, I'M REALLY GETTING ENGAGED!  And an overall fear about marriage.

I should add that my overall fear of marriage and fear that something might go wrong is a very old, deep-rooted fear I've had my whole life.  I'm the product of divorced parents who had a very nasty, dragged out divorce and custody battle.  

I did not have doubts about FI, just about marriage in general...and if two people could really love each other NO MATTER WHAT, FOREVER.  Honestly, I know that I couldn't hand create a better match for myself than FI.

calindi

I think you're experiencing something very normal for someone your age.  That is to say, you are realizing that this is a very big step and there's a lot of unknowns, and especially at a young age a lot of variables.

Take at least a year of being engaged before you even start planning anything, okay?  Don't even look at venues until next November - you'll have MORE than enough time still, and it will give you time to process the engagement, think more thoroughly about this next step, and decide if you're ready.  If you both are not ready (but still interested in getting married) there's no reason you have to book for 2012 - put it off longer if you need to.  Granted, I'd usually recommend you not get engaged until you're actually ready, but in this case you've already taken that step.  So just enjoy the ride, take your time, and don't put any pressure on yourself.  If you both wait until you're ready, then great!  If you realize along the way that it isn't exactly what you want, then you will just be breaking up, not getting divorced - it still sucks, but it's a lot easier.

Congratulations on your engagement!

scook1105

congrats! you're young but being very smart about waiting. a lot can change in the next 2 years, but I wish you the best

eternalmaria

I couldn't help but comment on this post as it's similar to my story!

I am 18 as well, and my fiance is 24, we will be married in about 6 months. I will tell you, getting engaged at first was wonderful, but scary as well. I think the reason why I was scared at first was because of the reactions I was afraid of getting from people, (he's too old, you're too young ect) but once I told my extended family and friends, everything seemed to smooth out and I wasn't so nerve wracked anymore! Gaining confidence in your decision is really important, realizing that no one else matters except your future husband is more so. Really, getting married *is* a huge commitment and step forward in life, but there is no age limit as long as maturity is there, and support from the parents! I wish you the best of luck in your marriage! God bless!

Kimmyfae

That's so wonderful! I wish you two the best of luck!!

eternalmaria

Thanks!