Ring arrives today, not excited?

ihavalhasa

So we've been dating 9 months. We've decided to get engaged and are planning a 1 year engagement. (I don't feel rushed, 1 year was my idea.) We get along great! Communicate better than I could have ever imagined possible, have a great time together, I love his kids (and they love me) I cannot imagine him not being in my life forever.

This would be my second marriage; I've been divorced for 5 years. He has been divorced 1 year.

He seems as near to perfect as a partner could be.... so what the problem?

We picked out my ring, ordered it, it arrives today and I feel indifferent.. not excited.. not even a little.

I've been thinking about the wedding and cannot picture it. It feels to me like a wedding ceremony is for someone else, not me. I can't think of a place I'd like to gather all of our family & friends together for a ceremony. I do NOT like to be the center of attention. My 1st wedding we went to another state and got married in a park, just the 3 of us (minister included). I felt cheated with that type of ceremony. We didn't have a reception, so there were no gifts, very few congratulations... it just sort of seemed like it didn't really happen since there were no witnesses.

Anyway, I love this man. I want to share my life with him... why am I not excited?

future-mrs

Only you can answer that question.  You probably need to re-evaluate everything and make sure to talk to your SO.  Good luck!

loop0406

Maybe it's stress related, maybe it's emotional, maybe you're moody today, maybe it's pms. If you still feel the same in a week or so then maybe you're not as happy as you want to be and time to reconsider things. Just because someone seems perfect, doesn't mean they are perfect for you. Or maybe it's the wedding, maybe you're not ready 100%.

abarraine

why the rush to get married? if you're indifferent, you're not ready. Forget the one year and just be together, evaluate your life and decided what you really believe is important, not what you want to believe is important. marriage is a big undertaking and it should be your complete desire. 

BridalBouquetHolders

Congratulations on your engagement!

AllAboutTheBenjamin

If you feel uncomfortable with being the center of attention why not do a meet-half-way-compromise, where you guys do a private ceremony and then have a reception later on with family and friends?  That is, if that's what you'd feel more comfortable doing.  I get really stressed out with wedding planning and it makes me feel indifferent about planning and not really want to care about what goes on - but when it comes down to it I really do want to have a perfect day with lots of really perfect details (I'm so weird, I know!).

I will also say though, I dated a guy for six years who on paper was pretty much the perfect guy, and we always talked about getting married - and I felt like it would be the perfect thing, but inside I was never excited about it.  The guy I'm marrying now, I could marry wearing nothing but a potato sack and I wouldn't care as long as I would be able to spend my life with him.

Try not to sweat it.  The details can be daunting and stressful but just picture what comes afterwards - love, respect, and sharing a life together.  If you can't get excited about that, it could be worth re-thinking.

FutureMrsMcDaniel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ring-arrives-tday-not-excited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:d813966d-b638-416c-a4cd-9cd1f88153f1Post:1559e5b0-4c76-4884-a05f-fa205aa59633">Re: Ring arrives today, not excited?</a>:
[QUOTE]why the rush to get married? if you're indifferent, you're not ready. Forget the one year and just be together, evaluate your life and decided what you really believe is important, not what you want to believe is important. marriage is a big undertaking and it should be your complete desire. 
Posted by abarraine[/QUOTE]

She stated in her original post that she wanted a year or so engagement so she would not be rushed.  She's not rushing.  That has nothing to do with it.  Many brides have a very short dating period and are engaged for much longer. 

ihavalhasa, I can very much relate.  Though this is the first marriage for both of us, neither of us are overly-can't-stand-it excited about the wedding.  We are anxious and so happy to finally be tying the knot after many years together.
But regardless of where you are in the planning process, the novelty of the wedding can wear off pretty quickly.  Especially when you've been planning and are just tired of it!

I didn't have 'that special moment' when I went looking for gowns.  I found one I liked and bought it.  When FI and I went to find our wedding bands, I found one I liked and bought it.  My mother has commented that neither FI or I can get excited about anything, which is partly true.  We are looking forward to our wedding day and finally becoming husband and wife, but more so to beginning our married life together.  The wedding is one day, marriage is a lifetime. 

The only part I am confused about it how you say you don't like being the center of attention, but you feel you were cheated with your first wedding because it was just you, the groom, and minister.  I'm not really sure what a happy medium is.  There are lots of women who don't like attention focused on them, but there is no way around it, considering it's your wedding day. 

I would definitely speak with your FI about your feelings.  Sometimes airing your concerns to your partner makes it all better. 

frenchy730

Maybe you will be excited once you have the ring on hand and it settles in that it is yours and that you will be marring the man you love.

I understand the not wanting to be the center of attention, but not wanting to feel cheated out of the wedding experience.  Maybe settle on an informal small wedding somewhere with only close family and friends who you feel comfortable around. 

Definitely talk about your feelings with your fiance.  I am sure he has feelings of his own.  Maybe you are both feeling the same anxiety and can come to a conclusion together that works for both of you.  Maybe talking to him will calm your fears as well.

ihavalhasa

Thank you for your replies. Maybe I'm just too old to get too excited. We've settled into life, living like a married couple minus the vows. Maybe this is why people shouldn't live together before getting married as it takes away some of the excitement? We did sort of rush to move in together because we lived so far apart and the long drive was killing each of us!

I don't know why the lack of excitement, but I do know that I'm happy to be with him, and love him dearly!

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ring-arrives-tday-not-excited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:d813966d-b638-416c-a4cd-9cd1f88153f1Post:934a3aa4-5f51-48e3-8062-d500ee7b434f">Re: Ring arrives today, not excited?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your replies. Maybe I'm just too old to get too excited. We've settled into life, living like a married couple minus the vows. Maybe this is why people shouldn't live together before getting married as it takes away some of the excitement? We did sort of rush to move in together because we lived so far apart and the long drive was killing each of us! I don't know why the lack of excitement, but I do know that I'm happy to be with him, and love him dearly!
Posted by ihavalhasa[/QUOTE]


Well ultimately that's the most important thing!

AmandalovesAl

You are never too old to get excited...i'm in my late thirties, and it's my first marriage, my FI's 2nd.  Sometimes I am really excited, sometimes not at all.  Sometimes I just want to get away from my FI cause I'm bored!! Don't stress.  I would give it some time.  Brides are under so much pressure to feel a certain way, that we feel guilty when we don't! Men don't feel that way and that's fine!! Just relax and enjoy your wonderful man and don't focus on how you are supposed to feel! Congrats!!!

janedoe1113a

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ring-arrives-tday-not-excited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:d813966d-b638-416c-a4cd-9cd1f88153f1Post:934a3aa4-5f51-48e3-8062-d500ee7b434f">Re: Ring arrives today, not excited?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your replies. Maybe I'm just too old to get too excited. We've settled into life, living like a married couple minus the vows. Maybe this is why people shouldn't live together before getting married as it takes away some of the excitement? We did sort of rush to move in together because we lived so far apart and the long drive was killing each of us! I don't know why the lack of excitement, but I do know that I'm happy to be with him, and love him dearly!
Posted by ihavalhasa[/QUOTE]

My DH and I lived together for 1 year before we got engaged and then had a 16 month engagement.  We were living just like a married couple would.  I was still very excited about our wedding.  It's a day about just the two of you and your love for each other.  You're never too old to excited!

Tink1704

My husband and I got married in a park with an officiant and 2 witnesses because I was looking at a deployment and we wanted the protection and abilities of being married. After the ceremony I was so happy I couldnt stop smiling for days. But I did feel a little gyped. He promised me the traditional wedding later and we waited to exchange rings and formal vows till then. Now we are 2 months from the actual wedding and I am SOOOOOO excited. Everytime I see the ring boxes with our rings I get butterflies. Not everyone gets the same emotions and thats normal. Try to imagine what life would be like without him? Then remember life with him. I do this everytime I get upset with my man and it makes me realize that he's my soulmate and I'm spending my life with him. He picked me. That always gets me excited!!!