Planning from a distance?

ElleTR13

I'm new here, so I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post this question in, but here goes...

He proposed last weekend, so we've been engaged for just over a week We live in Memphis, but will be getting married in my hometown in Georgia that is six hours away. My question is: Where do I start?!

We will be home visiting my family over Easter for 4 days. I'm planning on trying to book the church, choose the reception venue and get some information on rehearsal dinners to bring back to his parents. 

I'm really concerned about having to push a lot of the big things to scheduled weekends...I don't have any close friends here, so I can't just grab a friend and go out looking at bridesmaids dresses, crafts, etc.

Anyone else planning from a distance? Or just in general, where do you start?!

JMN2010

I live in the Chicago area but I am actually getting married in Memphis. Too funny! But I know that it can be difficult to plan from a distance.

First, see if there is anyone in your hometown who is willing to help you plan or to serve as a point person. My mom lives in Memphis and she has been great with helping get contracts to venues, proofread invitations, etc.

My FI and I have made several trips to Memphis and we have packed those trips with appointments. Remember too that you can do a lot online and you can do a lot in Memphis - invitations, centerpieces, BM gifts. So not everything has to be done in your hometown.

I hope this helps. Like I said, a lot of my vendors are in Memphis so if you have any questions about them (for things you can transport to GA) let me know!

Ana_2985

First you need to set a budget.  Figure out how you are paying for the wedding and try to get an idea of what average costs are in your area.  Decide what is most important to you - maybe you'll spend a lot on food, but don't care so much about flowers.

Next, try to get a general idea of how many guests you plan on having.  Obviously you'll need to book a venue that can comfortably hold the amount of guests you plan on having.

As PP suggested, use the internet whenever you can.  I'm also planning from a distance, so I use the internet to narrow down my choices.  That way when I have a free weekend I'll only need to have 2 or 3 appointments instead of 10.

The suggestion to see if someone back home can help you out is also a great idea.  My FI's family is going to be helping us with contracts and deposits since we can't be there to deliver them ourselves.

lyndausvi

I planned from a distance and used the interent a lot.  I only came into town twice during my planning (I was a 4 hour plane ride AND 2.5  hour drive away). 

Be organized.  I had to do a marathon session of seeing vendors all on the same day.  I did a lot of research before hand so I only saw those vendors I really wanted to work with.  Once I made my choice I never looked back and second guess myself.

aMrsin09

I agree with everything all the PPs have said.  I planned from the US with the wedding in Australia.  I never even got a chance to do scheduled weekends.  I just had to go with my gut and cross my fingers.

It all worked out fine.

atlcatlover

The internet is your friend.  I planned my wedding from 2500+ miles away and it was great.  Ask on local message boards for recommendations, read reviews, etc. 

ElleTR13

Thanks for all of the advice! I'm definitely making use of my parents and other friends back home. I'm hoping to book the church/reception Easter weekend, and I've been contacting photographers.

I've started working on just *my* portion of the guest list and it is already 87 people. Yikes! It's amazing how fast it can jump up!

katanne9

I'm planning my Finger Lakes wedding from Boston. Definitely use your parents help (if they are willing).

Also, I tended to weed out vendors that did email me back quickly. If your vendors are big emailers it might help you out a lot.

I emailed/called people a TON, and this last weekend I finally got to be in NY (3 months after being engaged, 6 months til the wedding) and had 12 appointments. It's tiring, but good to fit it all in.

MissyCee

I'm planning my wedding from 6 hours away from where it will take place. It's not easy but I agree with the advice the others have given. Make trips up and pack those trips full of appointments, bridal shows, etc and get as much information as possible and then you can always decide from home and make the phone calls, mail the checks, and whatnot. And definitely use the internet to your advantage. I feel your pain, driving 6 hours to look at venues and meet with vendors is not the most exciting thing but make it as fun as possible, you'll only do it once! Good luck!

amylydia23

I agree with all the previous posts.  I am planning my Newport, RI wedding from El Paso, TX.  My family and friends all live in western CT, almost 3 hours away, so I don't really have the help I wish I had.  The internet is my biggest help. 

Katanne9 makes a very good point about weeding out the vendors who dont email you back or are slow with responses.  If they aren't going to email you back, chances are they will be hard to communicate with during the planning process.

I also cram everything into small trips home.  I've only been home twice since September and I bought my dress, booked my venue, booked my photographer, found a florist, and found a great rental company for my linens.  Buy one of those big planning binders too.  I always thought they weren't necessary until my sister bought me one for Christmas.  They keep you really organized and it also helps you put all of your ideas down on paper.  Good luck with the planning!

penad5

As with all PP i'm planning from a distance too - 6 hours away - added to that I live in a small town and have to drive and hour to get to find any place for many of the things I can do from here - centerpieces, wedding dress ect.

What i've found is most important be organized and do as much as possible as early as possible.  Don't wait on anything you can get done now from where you live - its important for all weddings i'm sure but when you only have limited time to do so much when you are in town - you'll be glad you don't also have to deal with the little things during that time as well.

Good luck!!

nikiswimr

Wow, lots of long-distance brides!  Like everyone above, I too am planning from a distance.  My FI and I are currently living in North Carolina and both of our families are in Oklahoma where we are having our wedding.  Luckily, we're towards the end of our group of friends to get married, so we had lots of friends willing to offer advice on vendors, music, etc.  

Honestly though my mom has been such a huge help!  I looked at all of the information on the internet and then emailed her places/things I was interested in.  She then went and looked at everything and would let me know what she thought.  She scoped out venues, signed and sent in all of the contracts and even went and tasted the cake  

I have yet to actually be back to Oklahoma but I'll go back once in May to hopefully get the last minute details together and then not again until the big day.  I don't know what I'd do without the internet!

Good luck on figuring out your big day!

anne.azano

I'm planning my rhode island wedding from Australia... roughly 24-36 hours away by plane, depending on how nightmarish your connections are... and a 15 hour time difference!  So, its been hard.  I was home in the states over christmas and booked some stuff then, but I've done most of it online.  I've purchased decorations on ebay and etsy and gone back and forth with vendors on ebay.  

My local board on the knot has been great... whenever I have a question, I just post it, and people get back to me right away.  I've chosen most of my vendors based on what I read on those boards... I went back pages and pages and certain names and companies tend to keep popping up as good, and that's how I chose.  My mom is in RI, and she does stuff that has to be done in person (stamping save the dates, etc), but it hasn't actually been much.  

I thank god that I'm planning my wedding in the internet age and not 10 years ago when all this would have probably been impossible!   You'll be fine, it's definitely possible, esp if you live close enough to make a trip or two back before the big day.  Good luck!

EngagedatDisney

We're living in Florida and planning a New Jersey wedding (where I grew up).  It's really difficult, especially if you can't squeeze in many trips before the wedding.  Definitly scour the Internet and try to do as many phone interviews as you can before any trips  to weed out some possible vendors, then marathon meetings once you can get to your destination.  We only have one trip up there before the wedding due to not having any time off of work, so we're going to basically plan the rest of our wedding the week we're there!  Other things like invitations, favors, etc. you can do from home.

Let me know how it goes since it's driving me nuts!

Richelle79

I understand your stress. . .  I live in Texas but am getting married inmy home town in  Wisconsin. I would say I got lucky, my Dad invited me to a brunch and that was how we picked our venue over a year ago, most everything that we have planned for and figured out was online. (the city is population 23,000 with the winter visitors on vacation)
I pick my chruch based on comfort of my guests; my family is mostly Luthren and his is Southren Baptist. we thought it would be best that the chruch truely has a common ground and love for the Lord.
To be clear I am worried about a cake i have not tasted, my dad has visited with the baker and i have tasted cake here of the flavor but every baker is going to make it just a little different. but that is like some of the others were saying you have to trust yourself. I hope something I said is going to help you Good luck and all the happyness to you in the world hon!

HannahBrombal

Something that has been very helpful for me has been the suggestion of the people who own the venue where we are having our wedding.  I am planning my Colorado mountain wedding from Omaha, so I know it can be hard to find vendors and such from far away.  The owners of our venue have been very helpful in recommending caterers, photographers, renting companies, dj's etc. that they have worked with before.  They can give you a good idea of what has worked well for that venue before, so if there is someone like that at the places you are looking at, take advantage of them!  They often have lots of experience with different vendors and can direct you to the best ones in the area.  Having no friends there to plan with is hard, but you can enjoy shopping by yourself and at your own pace too!  I took a trip to Michael's by myself to look for decorations and get ideas for centerpieces and it was really fun and nice to be able to get some thoughts on what I want, and it is a chain store, so when I go to Colorado, I can take someone with me and show them my ideas and get their input.  Hope everything goes well for you!  Best of luck in planning your wedding!

Future.Mrs.Carter

The very first thing I did was to start pricing things so that I could get a better idea of what a realistic budget would be. Then I enlisted the help of a family member or two to help me find a venue. I think the venue/church should be the very first thing you book. I then planned a trip packed full of appointments to find the vendors that were the most important to me. Make sure that you meet with the ones you can't stand to take a chance on. For me one of those was the photographer. Do your own research and don't depend entirely on the lists supplied by the knot and other wedding sites. I also found a site that vendors could find me on, I think it was decidio.com. That helped a lot because vendors within my budget contacted me and eliminated a bit of the research. Remember that tackling a wedding out of state is going to be more stressful, I think I was actually having physical manifestations of stress for a while. Take it on in sections, set realistic goals, and let people help you when they can.

Good luck!!

ElleTR13

I didn't realize so many people were planning distance weddings!

We(well, my dad) booked the church this week. It is the Baptist church I grew up in. I actually attend a Methodist church here, but I have no ties to the UMC back home. And the Baptist church is BEAUTIFUL. I don't plan on decorating it at all, because really? We'll be in there 30 minutes max.

Our Easter visit back to GA to see my parents is becoming packed--2 photographer appointments, plus looking at probably 3 reception sites.  Oh, and I am hosting a baby shower plus all the Easter Sunday activities.

Is anyone else's bridal party spread out? My matron of Honor lives in Kansas. The rest of the party lives throughout Georgia--from St. Simon's Island to my hometown. How do you plan on doing bridesmaids dress hunting?

cakuhn51

Me too! It's great to hear about so many others planning from a distance. I'm not alone. I'm an American working for the UN and currently based in Sudan, getting married to an Englishman in Glasgow, Scotland where we bought a house there last summer when my FI was posted there for his job. It is frustrating not being in the States or Glasgow. Neither of us have lived in Glasgow before which also makes it difficult to figure out venues, etc.

The internet and neighbors have been fantastic help! I found several local wedding sites and looked at other brides' recommendations as a starting point. Since we're new to Glasgow without old friends or families our neighbors have been fantastic with providing advice. The internet is great as a starting off point but as Future.Mrs.Carter said do your own research. Another close friend also planning a wedding from a distance included her girlfriends in the dress search by email with photos. It's not quite the same thing as having bridesmaids and friends but it's a way to share.

Good luck to everyone with the distance planning!

anne.azano

We've got one bridesmaid in Rhode Island and one in Virginia.  The bride and groom are in australia.  One groomsman in australia, and the other is in Kenya!   I'm trying to get suit measurements from the guy in Kenya and it's freaking impossible!!!

eka6

I'm planning an Orlando wedding from Boston.  We just got engaged about a month ago, and I remember feeling a little overwhelmed, like you describe. 

The local boards have been really helpful for me, as I can ask advice from orlando brides regarding vendors, etc.

ElleTR13

The only problem with local boards...I'm getting married in my small-ish hometown. I've been checking out the GA-Atlanta board(town is about 1 1/2 hours north) and Tennessee board(30 minutes south of Chattanooga).

sarahlynntodd

I live in CA and I'm getting married in PA.  My mom went to all the local bridal shows for me and sent me all of the information in the mail from them, which was very helpful.  She entered me in all kinds of drawings and I won some free stuff.  I used the internet a lot, it was very helpful in things like picking a photographer.

staryand

I'm planning a detroit wedding from Milwaukee... my advice, look for vendors with multiple locations if possible.

for example, my Linen company has a location in Detroit and Milwaukee, so I viewed my linens in MKE but they will order and provide them out of Detroit...

Same for my photographer, they have a location in both areas, so I am doing engagement session in MKE and another photographer will shoot us in Detroit for the wedding..

obviously I was lucky with these vendors, probably harder to find, but it worked out well for us just by luck

also... do alot online!!  find BM dresses that they have in multiple locations for example, not boutique finds... go with Larger vendors, tend to be reputible if you book without meeting in person, also do alot of phone meetings.

I have a wedding planner and we do 2 hour phone meetings all the time..

sorry for rambling!

kd.joseph

We're getting married in Charleston, SC. I have done all the planning online, using TK, google, and experiences from visits.
Make yourself a nice folder to keep your stuff in. I have spreadsheets on my computer, plus a file folder to keep all my contracts in. I'm with everyone else that gauged e-mail responses. If they didnt get back to me in a timely fashion, or seem like they wanted my business I weeded them out. Good Luck, and have fun!

swissarmymelody

I'm planning my wedding from 12 hours away so I know how you feel! Use the internet and contact the vendors by phone. Tell them your situation and don't be afraid to ask to set up a time to have a "Meeting" over the phone. This is how I narrowed down a lot of the vendors. Then once you have a good feel for vendors, schedule your appointments for when you go home to meet with them.

Also, I started planning early since I knew I would only have one time to go home and actually meet with people. Many people were telling me that I'm doing things too early, but just listen to your gut and plan at your own pace. I'm glad I started when I did (over a year in advance) because now I don't have to worry about the major things and can just focus on the details.

For bridesmaid dresses I met up with my girls when I went home and they chose their dresses then. I didn't care if they were the same style, as long as they were the same color. You can always email your party pictures and ideas to see what they might find. Good luck!

justmauied2010

Hey! I am from South Dakota, getting married in Hawaii. The amount of extra time yo need to put into the ceremony and the reception is unbelievable. My two older brothers got married near home so that was that bad and I have had a chance to talk to my sisters-in-law. One also had a sister get married in JAMAICA! last year, that lucky duck. Anywho my fiance and I have poured hours into this and it has only been a month. Luckily though we have got my dress bought, my shoes, the beach reserved, the "Maui Marrying Man" deposit taken care of. Speaking of if youre thinking Hawaii, go to Maui and reserve with him! He is a huge help!!! themauimarryingman.com the pictures he has taken are phonemenal. Anyways we have got the  huge things taken care of now its little things! good luck and congrats

ErLeBe

Not sure if anyone else has said any of this, but I'm planning from across the country. I'll be back in our hometown for a couple of months combined between now and the wedding, which will help a lot, but really it isn't seeming too bad. We're keeping it really small, simple, inexpensive, etc. and that is really helping ease the stress. Figuring out a budget and what you want your wedding to be like with give you a good idea. Because we're doing small and inexpensive and homemade, we're not really having to worry about vendors (except for church for ceremony and photographer). Emailing and calling have been really helpful so far!

Otherwise I'm just planning on doing small mockups of the DIY stuff I am hoping to do and make easy instruction sheets for it so I can get it all done quickly with the help of my family and friends right before the wedding.

Good luck!

mlekitty

I am in VT doing a Tampa, FL, beach wedding.  Before I did ANYTHING else, I picked a venue through The Knot and a weekend visit to the area.  I narrowed it down to 3 likely places, and met the planners in person.  My first choice ended up being my LAST choice because although she was very communicative online, she was nuts and not a good match for us in person.  I should emphasize it is very important to do at least one in-person visit.

There's no sense planning the details out until you have your venue, maybe except for the dress.  Once you get the venue, research all the rest of your vendors.  Depending on what your vendor provides on location will also help you focus.  Most likely, the venue can suggest reliable, professional vendors that they have worked with several times and have seen in action.  Also look into online reviews of your favorites in each category.  For me, sometimes just seeing their website and what they are capable of was enough, like my photographer for example.

I have also been trying to get as many things reserved and squared away as possible, so there are no last-minute kinks or scrambles to worry about from far away.  Staying organized with all your paperwork (prioritize and throw away as necessary) is imperative.

I was pretty stressed at first thought of planning long-distance, but it's actually not so bad!  Just stay true to what YOU want as a couple, and don't read too many articles on The Knot!  It'll stress you out sometimes.

Good luck! 

JennieD136

Ok so I have been back and forth over the last 6 months on whether I should try to have my wedding in South Florida-where I'm from or in DC where my fiance and I currently live.  On the one hand about 80% of our guests will be coming from FL, so it makes sense to have it there, making it easier and cheaper on everyone.  On the other hand, I'm a very hands on type of bride and I'm not sure if I'd like to depend on anyone else to choose and make decisions for me states away.  Plus, DC has so much to offer, I love it here.  My fiance and I are planning on purchasing a house here in December and our wedding will be next December so it would be nice to have everyone visit and see our new home too.  We haven't had any friends or family up her since we moved two years ago.  I just don't want it to be so difficult for my guests that they can't make it-which is the whole point of a wedding-sharing that day with the ones you love.  Yet I am planning on giving them a years notice so they can plan accordingly.  A few of my friends said it would be a nice reason to get away with their husbands without the kids for a weekend in DC, others say it will be costly and they just don't have the extra money for it.  What should I do?? Help!!

Andrea0161

i'm planning 3 hours away from where my wedding is. it's hard but i have my family to help. this might sound bad, but use your family and friends as much as possible.