Newly Engaged...but have a dilemma....

etkolbu

Hi all!

The man of my dreams proposed on 12/29/11.  We've been dating for 4 years and I love him completely!

I know I should be excited and planning the wedding of my dreams, but my dad died when I was 17 (i'm 24 now) and my mom died in August.  I have days where I want a huge wedding, but there are others where I'd be happy going to the courthouse.  I really don't know what to do.  I'm feeling pressure from his side to have a wedding and my friends think i will regret not having one, but I can't get my heart into it right now.

Any suggestions?  Anyone know what I'm going through??

achiduck

I lost my mom when I was 14 (I'm 27 now) so I do understand how your feeling. Sometimes I just want to say screw the big wedding and elope. The last thing I want is people telling me all day how much my mom would have wished she could be there/how proud of me she would be, etc. I ended up going dress shopping alone because my mom couldn't be there with me and I haven't really involved my step mother much in the wedding planning since I don't want people thinking she is my actual mother. 

I would talk to your FI about how you're feeling. I'm sure you guys can figure out what kind of wedding you want together. Go with your gut - don't worry so much about what everyone else is going to think.

wondermom05

I'm sorry for your loss, and I agree with the other posters.

If it helps at all, my fiance's parents passed away 6 months apart from one another; his mom in Nov. 2010, his dad in May 2011, and in between his favorite uncle who was like a second father.  It was a rough 6 months for us, to say the least.  He has good days and bad days, and we both know that our wedding will be a rough day for both of us, but it's something that we both want.  He's said that while he knows there will be a lot of what you said "Your parents would be so proud..." and such, he wants to celebrate our love with the family we do have.

Anyway, talk to your fiance about how you're feeling, I'm sure whatever the two of you decide to do together it will be perfect for YOU and what other people have to say doesn't really matter.

LucyBlue11

congrats on your engagement and im so sorry for your loss. wrap your head around what you really do what, minus outside influences forcing their opinions on you, and then do what you feel is right in your heart. regardless of where or how you get married, your parents will be in your heart and they would want you to do whatever made the day special to you.

if you do decide to have a larger wedding, you can always ask that your FI skip the mother/son dance to not draw attention to the fact that you dont have the opportunity to have a similar dance. there are tons of ways you can include your parents memory the day of the ceremony/reception. maybe instead of party favors, you make a donation to a charity in their names?.....it might be therapeutic to you if YOU make their presence known so you dont dread the sympathy and comments to make you relive the pain of their death all over again.

i hope you find peace in your decision and you're able to enjoy the planning and your special day just as they'd want you to.