Engaged Without a Ring?

MeganAngela

Hey everyone!  Just wanted your thoughts on my situation with my guy!

So, my guy and I have been talking about marriage for awhile now.  In fact, as you can see, we've even set a date!  We have our families involved, we've already started some preliminary looking for things such as my dress, his tux, a venue, etc.  However, I don't actually have a ring on my finger.  Money has been super tight these last couple of months, and now that things are loosening up, we're buying the ring in October.  Yet, regardless of the ring, we've both said that we feel like we're engaged, but without the ring, we don't know what exactly we really are.  Heck, most of the time he says that we're married in our hearts, just not by law! I know, what a silly dilemma!

I was wondering if any of you other lovelies may have experienced an "engaged without a ring" moment, or if you feel like we can only truly say we're engaged once he's put a ring on it like Beyonce says!

Thanks!

ReneeJacob

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:dfebb460-7651-4e36-bf17-fcf8a2f4f234Post:2c139ee2-e822-4c06-bd8a-05b47e62e2b6">Re: Engaged Without a Ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree, I think a ring = engaged. Like a wedding band = marriage
Posted by loop0406[/QUOTE]

I get that...then again, when I was 19 (I'm now 28) I was "engaged" with a ring, yet we never set a date and never got married. I guess its kind of a package deal. Get a ring, set a date.

alecat9

I was engaged without a ring. We set a date, told our parents, I bought a dress, etc. Some people even choose not to have an engagement ring. Also, I disagree with loop, if a man doesn't wear his wedding ring, does that make him any less married? no! You are married when you sign a legal covenant stating you are married.
In our case, the ring was ordered but was going to take 2.5 months to arrive. My FI and I had already decided to get married and had set a date, so we proceeded with announcing our engagement.  Not having a ring did not change the fact that we were planning a wedding.

MeganAngela

I can understand where people are coming from, absolutely.  And this is not just me being desperate to get married and doing all kinds of planning for the heck of it.  He is doing just as much, as well as our families.  However, we are working with a tiny, tiny budget with a capital B (yay for being financially strapped!).  We were going to get a ring earlier, but life got in the way and we had to use the money for other things.  I don't personally feel like rings make things any less real.  I mean, if you can't afford a wedding and can only go to a justice of the peace, it doesn't make you any less married.  And just because you can't afford a ring, I feel it shouldn't make you any less engaged.

Though, while I might disagree with some of the opinions, I do honestly appreciate them and would like to keep hearing them.  It is definitely food for thought!  

kelsey+brandon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:dfebb460-7651-4e36-bf17-fcf8a2f4f234Post:2c139ee2-e822-4c06-bd8a-05b47e62e2b6">Re: Engaged Without a Ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree, I think a ring = engaged. Like a wedding band = marriage
Posted by loop0406[/QUOTE]

Not necessarily. Some very strict religions don't believe in any type of "adornment" and this includes wedding bands. So you can definitely be married without a ring.

future-mrs

The first ring gave me was out of a quarter machine, it was the sweetest thing ever.  With our without a ring, you can be "engaged" and plan a wedding.  A piece of metal doesn't make it official, it's official when you and FI want it to be official.

redheadfsu

The agreement to get married is what matters. A ring is a symbol of that agreement. Congrats, you are engaged!

skyler1108

I think you two are engaged. You have agreed to get married, you have set a date and have started planning. Not everyone scan afford a ring right off the bat or even at all before the wedding. I think a ring is just a physical symbol of your engagement. I mean I work with a woman who is married but doesn't wear a ring at all because she does not like wearing any kind of jewelry, it does not mean that she is not married. So ring or not ring I would say you two are engaged.

cutielocks08

My fiance and I are in the same situation.  He even got irritated with me when I told someone we weren't officially engaged because I didn't have a ring. ("It's coming!" he said LOL!)  We have picked a date and are deciding on a location and guest list.  He's just as involved as me with the planning so I think it depends upon the situation.

HisBabydoll082510

I suppose I'm in the same boat. We're BOTH majorly financially strapped right now and can't afford anything. We know without a doubt that we want to get married and that it will have to wait a few years due to circumstances but I'm going a bit nuts about what to call him. Thank you lovely ladies for your opinions even though I didn't start the thread.

jnc1113

My FI and I are engaged and getting married in two months plus....without a ring.  It was not in our budget if we wanted to have a nice wedding, and that's FINE.  For monetary reasons, my mother didn't have an e-ring either, nor did her mother.  We made a commitment to get married, picked a date, and started planning.  Ring or no.  I don't need a ring (e-ring or wedding band) to know that I have made a commitment to spend my life with someone, and I don't give two sh!ts about whether or not other people can tell based on my jewelry.  I'm sort of insulted by the early commenters who seem to think that a ring is the only way it is real.  Just because we agreed to put the money elsewhere doesn't mean our commitment isn't any more real.

BlueBride11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:dfebb460-7651-4e36-bf17-fcf8a2f4f234Post:2c139ee2-e822-4c06-bd8a-05b47e62e2b6">Re: Engaged Without a Ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree, I think a ring = engaged. Like a wedding band = marriage
Posted by loop0406[/QUOTE]


Your very wrong on this. My parents have been married for 30 years and neither one of them wears a wedding band. The marriage cert.= marriage not a ring.

Norms Angel Forever

my step dad who is my FATHER is obviously not biologically my father, but it does NOT make him any less of my dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel very strongly about this! to me my FI is going to be my husband, (please dont yell for me saying this, it only on my opinion :S)  but by signing a marriage contract it wont stop him from leaving or cheating or doing anything of the sort.
 so i say CONGRATULATIONS!!! you're engaged
i think your relationship with your man is more important then a silly ring, i never wanted a ring i figured we should save the money and put it towards the wedding... he disagreed, and now i have a perfect ring, but i had a cheaper one before and we were no less engaged

flyjawn

i never had an e-ring with my first marriage and we were definitely engaged.  

my dad proposed to my mom without a ring (he was too poor back then) and they've been married for 40 years now.  i'm pretty sure the ring isn't a necessity.  

i think it depends on how you personally feel about it. 

flyjawn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engaged-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:dfebb460-7651-4e36-bf17-fcf8a2f4f234Post:2c139ee2-e822-4c06-bd8a-05b47e62e2b6">Re: Engaged Without a Ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree, I think a ring = engaged. Like a wedding band = marriage
Posted by loop0406[/QUOTE]

<div>then my whole marriage was a farce because i never had an engagement ring OR a wedding ring.  </div><div>
</div><div>i should pass this information onto my divorce lawyer because this could save me some $$$...  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" /></div>

Elle1036

I agree with most PPs.  If you've agreed to marry him and you're planning a wedding, you're engaged.  I'm in the same situation.  In fact, until FI basically insisted on getting a ring to "seal the deal", I didn't even want one.  Now, however, I can't wait until it's finished.  I'm weird I guess.

Plus, when you think about it, "engaged" isn't really a relationship status anyway.  Legally, you're either single or married.  The rest of the in-between steps are open to interpretation according to the couple.  So it's totally up to you what you want to call yourselves.  For what it's worth, though, it sounds to me like you're engaged.  Congrats!

MeganAngela

Sorry that I haven't replied back in a few days.  My guy and I went and spent the weekend with his family, so I wasn't near a computer to read all of these wonderful responses.

We had a talk this weekend about it, and we feel pretty committed to one another, and a ring is on the way (barring any more financial issues which could arise).  And, as I said, we've already started planning all kinds of things.  Just this weekend we talked about what I would do since I would not have my father to walk me down the aisle, or the fact that "our song" isn't romantic so what would we have a first dance to.  We're dreaming up details and having a good time with it.

I asked for everyone's opinion, and I respect all of them, even if they differ from mine.  I like knowing what other people think.  I'm confused at times myself.  I feel odd saying we're engaged because I was raised to think ring = engaged, but at the same time, I feel odd saying we aren't engaged because we ARE planning a wedding without the ring.  It is nice to gain perspective on the situation.

Keep the great opinions and stories coming!  I really enjoy reading them and appreciate the time you guys are taking to answer me.

bebe876

I am engaged without a ring as well.. We have picked it out and I know its coming so no big deal... the ring will not make or break your relationship... so smile.. your getting married

AquaGurl

agreeing with these ladies.  Firstly, my grandparents got engaged and lit a candle (no ring, he was back from war and flat broke.)   I'm in this spot right now,   NEWLY engaged: the time/place/mood/moment was right, and he wanted to have my ring custom made- despite the fact he didn't have it then and there, he asked and I agreed.  we have only told our parents, and "the ring" is in the works. - we decided that the ring "eventually' is going to be a very exciting part as well - and on a apersonal preference only we decided to wait until its a "whole package deal" to share the news with the "majority" because I also know how excited he is about making something just for me, I am excited to "show it off" and I know he will be also proud of it too. I don't want to "take anything" away from the ring part when it does happen   I think its a personal choice but you can DEFINITELY be engaged without a ring; my aunt only wears a wedding band, she's been marrieda couple of times, and has only EVER worn a wedding band.  I think part of it is making the commitment, planning some things, and sharing with loved ones.

ramcintyre

I had my wedding dress, my bridal party dresses and venue solidified before I got my engagement ring.  The engagement ring is mainly for everyone else but as long as you and fiance know what is what, you don't need a ring....

ramcintyre

In regards to the statement... 
"I think a ring = engaged. Like a wedding band = marriage".... Once again, a ring is just an outward show for others to see and know.  Never let a ring determine your status.... People that don't have the money for rings, get married and later (1st anniversary or later) get the rings they've always wanted.
I told my fiance I didn't need a ring as long as I was with him....
He loves you, You love him = engaged = marriage

Enjoy life, don't let traditional ways of thinking hinder you from knowing what you know and from doing what you do!!!

iyasmin

I am engaged without a ring. We have been discussing marriage since our second date, bought a home, and have already laid out a plan for starting our family next year and retiring before we hit 45.
We have looked at the rings I like and he refuses to look at rings for him until he gives me mine. I have shown him pictures and asked him what type of metal, at least he has told me that. lol

We would have been engaged last year with a ring, but we just bought a home and he even told me that the one he wanted to get me was too much and we just put down quite a bit on our house. "NO DEBT!" is our motto.

I wasn't rushing him for a ring as we had discussed being engaged. When I asked him "well I would hope we'd get engaged next year, he said "we are already engaged, we've been engaged for almost a year". Now this was when we first started dating (8 months into it) and I was like "When did this happen, I don't recall you asking me". lol

But seriously, we have a date ,a venue, talking to vendors and I'm looking for a dress this weekend. We have a list of guests and have set a budget. We know what we want and we know kids are coming up fast as well. I've only told a few close people and my immediate family. Once I get the ring, we'll send out formal invitations and let everyone else know. Also, take our E-Pics!

He might've already gotten the ring as he bought something recently that he didn't want me to see it and he has been a little standoffish lately and I've been overly dramatic for no apparent reason. (studying in my last week of school  - PhD classes- and no sleep while working full time does that to a person).

He knows I'm anxious about it and how he is going to officially ask.

knottie9f4705321942d30c

My man and I just got engaged and I asked to NOT have a ring.  The marriage itself is what is important to us, and we will both have wedding bands to represent our union.  To me, an engagement ring is an expensive, unnecessary trinket that signals to the world that a woman is "taken" (ever notice men don't outwardly display in any way that they are getting married?).

What's funny is that my fiance was more bothered about me not having a ring than anyone.  In the end, we decided that after he proposed, we would buy our wedding bands and wear them on our right hands as a symbol of our engagement, and then move them to our left hands during our wedding ceremony.

Also, I wouldn't be pleased to spend thousands of dollars on a symbol of some sort for my fiance to wear - why should he? We would much rather use that money to travel or buy a house... or save for our honeymoon!

Vintagelove4

It's becoming more commond now for couples to be engaged without having an engagement ring. Though tradition says that the ring is what really seals it. If your not traditional and don't mind the questions then it's an opportunity for a couple to save up on other things or save up for their "dream ring."

If you consider yourself engaged and your bf (or FI) considers you two engaged, then congrats on your engagement!