Hmm....date question

nycgirl88

Hi everyone!

I'm a newbie here...got engaged on Friday, but have been creeping for months. My fiance (still feels funny to say that word) and I have been together for four years, bought a house etc.. so I knew it was coming.

Anyway, the second question (after how did he do it?) is when is the date? So here's our problem... my brother is in the military and "may" be getting deployed at the end of May. We don't know if we should do it before he leaves, book the date we want in September and hope a) he doesn't go b) he can get a leave pass or do we book in 2012 with the hopes he won't be gone then.

My brother is my best friend and I really can't imagine him NOT being there. My fiance is even going to ask him to stand up with him.

Help?!

Thanks!!!

sister2groom

I would ask your brother and on the Military brides board, because there are a couple of things I'm not sure about.

Basically, if you planned the wedding for April, could brother's deployments be moved up so he'd miss it even though you killed yourself to get it done in time? I have no idea how it works, but it looks like there would be a very big chance he wouldn't be able to get a leave pass in either 2011 or 2012 (especially if his deployment gets pushed back).

I know I personally would be very upset a sibling couldn't come and would do everything in my power to make them there, even if meant a simpler wedding to be planned in a few months. But that's just me.

nycgirl88

Well, he's in the Navy... so they get a 2 week leave pass but he doesn't know when. If we book 2012, he may be gone then as well.  I love his job, but sometimes it makes it hard to plan family gatherings.  At least I get to see him at christmas in a few days. We're going to put off setting a date until after we chat then.... Thanks!!

desertmomnm

I wouldn't wait a year longer than you want.  I'd try to do it before he leaves.  We planned ours in 4 months and it was very nice.  We were worried that my FIL would die (cancer) and wanted to optimize our chances of him being there.  He was.  An alternative is to use Skype or some way like that to include him.

misskrysbaby

Yeah I would try for before he leaves, because if my brother's deployment was any indication, everything is kind of up in the air once they deploy. You don't really know when they'll have leave until like a week or two before the leave. Heh.

Sammy0709

Is he on a ship?  If so is it a 3 month or 7 month deployment?  If its only a 3 month it doesn't seem like you have much of a problem with a September date.  If it's a 7 month or if its not a ship deployment then I would say have it when he can be there but before or after his deployment is all a matter of personal preference.

nurse.misty

If it's important to you that he be there then you should do it before he leaves. Once soldiers are deployed they have no say in when their 2 week mid tour leave is, they are just told you're going home this day and will be back this day and it's usually last minute.

mstroud23

My brother is in the Army and will be deployed to Afghanistan for my wedding. My siblings are my two best friends-so I know how it feels to have to debate this issue.  It's stinky.  We originally chose a date that would allow my brother to be at our wedding. But FMIL pitched a freaking fit and cried so FI begged me to consider moving the date. We moved it to when his mid-tour leave should be (and checked with his wife before selecting the date).  I don't know about Naval deployements, but it's up to you. you should do two things:
1)make sure noone else important (parents, and siblings) has a scheduling concern.  FMIL has surgery on this date etc.
2)talk to your brother about the date.  See what he thinks. If he has something like mid-tour leave, or if you want to do it beforehand, or whatever. 
 

miabethj

Well this is looking at it a different way, but my boyfriend is in the Army, and has been planning for a couple weeks now to volunteer to deply in August.
His sister got engaged about a week ago, and is deciding to have her wedding next winter.
His mom then proceeded to tell him that he should wait and change his plans to be at the wedding. The way he feels it, sure I'd love to be at their wedding, but If they don't want to make it earlier so I can be there, then okay then. It's not effecting him negatively, he's just feels it's not needed for anyone to change their plans. I guess what I'm saying, is you should just talk to him. People have different opinions. If your brother was my boyfriend, he'd say get married in September, but yours may feel differently.

Oh, and I feel for you if you do change your Semptember wedding. That's what I always wanted, but we planning to get married while still in college, so we have to opt. for a summer wedding.
Oh well, it's still a happy thing!

Sarah5683

I understand. I have a similar problem with my brother. But he made me promise not to plan my wedding around him. It's still very uncertain as to whether or not he'll be able to be there but if he can't, we will find some way to incorporate him. Hopefully we can do skype or something else.

The military is tricky. Impossible to plan around, especially this far in advance. I guess, my advice is to go for your dream date. GL!