Informal "Engagement" Party

mediacy

Hi--saw some posts on here that it might be inappropriate for an engaged couple to throw their own party, but isn't that old-school to expect parents to do it? I live with my fiance and we're in our early 30s; wouldn't it be appropriate for us to have an informal get-together for our friends, saying absolutely no gifts allowed? We're thinking of either having it at a bar where we live (NYC) or at our apartment. Our parents are both out of state; they'll probably have something for us that's family/wedding guest oriented, but we also want to just casually have some fun with our friends. Other friends of ours have done this and it's seemed fine...just wanted to check!

kpwedkk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_informal-engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:ee79b2f9-3eec-4848-b25c-443ee2a54511Post:e3a39130-47bb-498f-a419-69405afc0072">Informal "Engagement" Party</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi--saw some posts on here that it might be inappropriate for an engaged couple to throw their own party, but isn't that old-school to expect parents to do it? I live with my fiance and we're in our early 30s; wouldn't it be appropriate for us to have an informal get-together for our friends, saying absolutely no gifts allowed? We're thinking of either having it at a bar where we live (NYC) or at our apartment. Our parents are both out of state; they'll probably have something for us that's family/wedding guest oriented, but we also want to just casually have some fun with our friends. Other friends of ours have done this and it's seemed fine...just wanted to check! :)
Posted by mediacy[/QUOTE]

1 - Throw a party, with loved ones and friends.While it's nice for your parents to be hosts, if they can't because of budget, and you and your fiance can, go for it.

2 - As for saying no gifts, spread that by word of mouth, and nothing written (e.g. like in an engagement invitation).

heyimbren

If your concern is etiquette, then you can't throw yourself an engagement party. You can have a get-together with friends, but not an engagement party. You also really shouldn't be telling people "no gifts" because that isn't right either. That's etiquette.

But you didn't ask on the etiquette board so...

It wouldn't have to be your parents hosting an engagement party. It could be friends, other family, etc.

As a sidenote (OP this isn't directed entirely towards you) but I hate it when people say "well others did this so I should be able to as well". It's the same logic as "if my friends jumped off a cliff, I'd jump too". Pet peeve of mine on here.

So yes, your friends may have done it and you may do it yourself, but that wouldn't technically be appropriate.

Congratulations on your engagement!

[Deleted User]

Just say you and FI are going to have some drinks or dinner to celebrate your engagement and make it informal and see who wants to come. Maybe just use verbal invites so its like a group get together and people think they are paying their own way, but wanted to spend time with you to celebrate, but if you and FI pick up the tab, even better.

redheadfsu

Just invite your friends out for drinks and party. Don't call it an engagement party, don't send out invites, and don't say anything about gifts. Any pre-wedding parties (and the Eparty is included) can be hosted by anyone, except for the couple.

mattycam

My FI and I had a meet and greet/engagement party that we hosted last weekend(Aug 28). We called it a meet and greet because it was only for the bridal party so that they could get a chance to get together and meet eachother in a casual setting. We had about 30 people (some of our BP are married with a family) and everyone enjoyed it.

leia1979

Personally, I think this is fine. I really don't understand the etiquette mandate that you can't throw your own party. I've been throwing my own birthday parties for the last 15 years. I've read the reasoning that you can't be a host if you're getting gifts, but I'd also never think of bringing a gift to anything but the wedding or a shower (though not one of my friends had a shower). A lot of people throw their own weddings, too, which violates this "rule."

You know your friends and family better than any of us, so just use your best judgement.

mediacy

Thanks everyone for your feedback!!

misskrysbaby

When the idea of an engagement party came up, it was actually MY idea to have one. I mentioned it to my Mom and she offered to throw it at my childhood home. However, if she wouldn't have offered, I probably would've just had it anyway but not called it an engagement party necessarily, just a party. Most of my extended relatives have never met my FI, so it's just an opportunity to get everyone together, like a meet and greet.

Honestly, love, in this day and age, you can choose what etiquette you want to follow and what not to follow. As long as you don't ask for gifts, call it whatever you want!

mattycam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_informal-engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:ee79b2f9-3eec-4848-b25c-443ee2a54511Post:85d7b469-a613-4dc7-9721-b016fef0eadf">Re: Informal "Engagement" Party</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I think this is fine. I really don't understand the etiquette mandate that you can't throw your own party. I've been throwing my own birthday parties for the last 15 years. I've read the reasoning that you can't be a host if you're getting gifts, but I'd also never think of bringing a gift to anything but the wedding or a shower (though not one of my friends had a shower). A lot of people throw their own weddings, too, which violates this "rule." You know your friends and family better than any of us, so just use your best judgement.
Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

agree!