Financial Issues...

BNShilling

So I just graduated from college with my Bachelor's degree. I am working on getting certified while also completing paperwork for a substitute teaching job in a few different schools, as well as working at a daycare I have been at for over a year. My fiance has a full-time job that pays great! The problem is.. I feel useless and he makes me feel like I can't do any planning because I am not funding for anything, and he wants to get the catering, etc. paid off before I start planning other things. I want to get invitations made and bought, as well as my dress bought and other things that need to be done before finalizing payments for other important necessities. I understand that I do not have a lot of money to contribute to these items, but our parents are helping out by taking over the florist, photography, and videography funds. What do I do to cope??

HiddenPaw

This is definitely a topic to discuss with your fiance.  He is obviously worried about finances, but instead of working with you on the issue, he's taking the control from you so you don't go crazy, like he's probably afraid you will. 

Ask him why he's not letting you order things; what are his concerns and fears?  How can you address them?  Assure him that you're not going to go on a spending frenzy and start ordering wedding stuff willy-nilly.  Offer to discuss any major purchases/deposits before you make them.  Also, discuss a timeline with him, so that he knows when important things need to be ordered (like invitations and your dress), so he can budget accordingly and also so he knows what needs to be bought now and what needs to be bought next month, etc.  And, make sure he knows how you feel about this, that you feel useless in planning your own wedding.

Discussion is key.  Marriage is about merging your lives together, and finances are a huge part of that.  Just because he makes the money doesn't mean he's the only one who gets to decide how it's spent.  A single man gets to have full and final say in how his money is spent, but a married man has to consider the one he has committed himself and his finances to.  Working on these issues now in the context of wedding planning will help you two to start building a strong marriage before it even begins!

garcias1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_financial-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:00f3cb8f-6fda-4fcf-94a0-4712e3ef14f9Post:8991b670-464f-4da0-ae82-31200f79d458">Financial Issues...</a>:
[QUOTE]So I just graduated from college with my Bachelor's degree. I am working on getting certified while also completing paperwork for a substitute teaching job in a few different schools, as well as working at a daycare I have been at for over a year. My fiance has a full-time job that pays great! The problem is.. I feel useless and he makes me feel like I can't do any planning because I am not funding for anything, and he wants to get the catering, etc. paid off before I start planning other things. I want to get invitations made and bought, as well as my dress bought and other things that need to be done before finalizing payments for other important necessities. I understand that I do not have a lot of money to contribute to these items, but our parents are helping out by taking over the florist, photography, and videography funds. What do I do to cope??
Posted by BNShilling[/QUOTE]

FI needs to realize that once you are married, your finances blend.  He should be able to trust you to make decisions about the wedding in a way that will work best for both of you.  This might just be a communication issue.  Sit down with him and tell him your concerns.  Make an itemized budget so that you are each aware of how much will be spent on each thing.  Split up responsibilities (he takes care of catering, you order invitations, etc).  As long as you each stay within the budget, he shouldn't give you a hard time about planning.

He shouldn't make you feel guilty about spending "his" money.  This is a wedding - it celebrates both of you.  This is not the time to hold finances over someone else's head.