Engagement Party- Who to invite?

nefariousmango

My aunt and uncle just offered to throw us an engagement party, and asked us for a list of people we want to invite and suggested we invite some friends from school and work.  We're having a small wedding so only our closest friends will be invited, but it would be fun to celebrate with everybody!  Since this isn't formally a "gift-giving" type of party, is it okay to invite our classmates and coworkers even if we don't intend on inviting them to the wedding?  My aunt and uncle have a very large space and love to host large parties- they have summer bbqs with 50+ people every year- so I'm not worried about having too long a list!

jennyp08

I was told that you can only invite people that are also invited to the wedding, at least according to traditional etiquette.  It really depends on where you live, and the culture/expectations there I guess.  If people will assume that they are invited to the wedding because they are invited to the party, then you need to limit who you invite.  On the other hand, if people are accustomed to big engagement parties and know that it doesn't equate to an invitation for the wedding, go for it.  Either way, have fun! 

hunterjumper321

Mango, I say GO AHEAD! Invite anybody and everybody you want! Since you are having a small wedding it would be nice to celebrate with everyone else who is not going to be there. And contrary to what you think, many people bring gifts to the engagement party ( I would if I was invited to a party like this) and to spread the word that it is acceptable to bring one have your aunt and uncle casually spread the word to their friends where you two are registered! And also, there are no rules that say you have to invite the people who were invited to the pre-celebrations.

jeanna85

i would be offended if i was invited to an engagement party and not the wedding to be perfectly honest. maybe thats bc engagement parties are gift giving events in my circle, i don't know.

janedoe1113a

You are only allowed to invite people who are invited to the wedding to pre-wedding parties.  It would be really rude to invite people to your e-party and not to your wedding.

ring_pop

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_engagement-party-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:10495615Post:62803348">Engagement Party- Who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]Mango, I say GO AHEAD! Invite anybody and everybody you want! Since you are having a small wedding it would be nice to celebrate with everyone else who is not going to be there. And contrary to what you think, many people bring gifts to the engagement party ( I would if I was invited to a party like this) and to spread the word that it is acceptable to bring one have your aunt and uncle casually spread the word to their friends where you two are registered! And also, there are no rules that say you have to invite the people who were invited to the pre-celebrations.
Posted by hunterjumper321[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. In Opposite Land.

Jazzy_belle

No, it's rude.

agk0125

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_engagement-party-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:10495615Post:62803348">Engagement Party- Who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]And also, there are no rules that say you have to invite the people who were invited to the pre-celebrations.
[/QUOTE]

Actually there is. You are very misinformed.

melissainabq

It's rude. Don't do it.

mags0607

Engagement parties are traditionally thrown as a way for both sides of the family to meet each other. I don't think that you should invite people to the engagement party that will not be asked to celebrate your marriage with you.

Also, generally engagement parties aren't gift giving parties (although some will bring gifts). I would NOT register before it or have anyone spread word of mouth. If people bring presents, well then its a nice surprise.

Either way, small wedding means small pre-celebrations. I would be offended if I was invited to an engagement party and not to someone's wedding.

ootmother2

It's very rude to invite anyone to a pre wedding party and not invite them to the wedding.


Are engagement parties gift giving events?  That totally depends on where you live and your social circle.  Here they are generally on the small side, same type of gift you would bring as a hostess gift.  wine, plant, picture frame, et

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Think about it like this - most people see engagement parties as more informal affairs (like all pre-wedding parties), with the wedding itself the main, most formal event. Etiquette states that the RD shouldn't be more formal than the wedding, for example.

So if I was invited to a BBQ engagement party and not the fancy sit-down wedding, it sends a message that I'm not important enough to spend a lot of money on, and I'm only invited to the engagement party because it's costing $5 a head, so hey, why not?

Not to mention, people will sometimes bring a host gift to an engagement party, and in some circles they will bring you a present as well.

I'd either decline the party or just keep it small.

You can always host a BBQ or cocktail party for your other friends as long as it doesn't explicitly relate to the wedding.

danieliza1127

According to etiquette, you shouldn't invite anyone to ANY pre-wedding events if they won't be invited to the wedding itself. 

signingjulie

Generally you're not supposed to invite people to pre-wedding festivities unless you are inviting them to the wedding.  Obviously you can ultimately do what you want but some things are just bad taste.  My FMIL was invited to a friend's daughter's post wedding celebration but was not invited to the actual wedding.  People have different circumstances for not being able to invite everyone they want but still would like a nice way to celebrate with lots of people.  Most engagement parties I've seen have been gift giving events (mine was) but I guess it depends on what part of the country you live in, and what your family/friends do.

janedoe1113a

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_engagement-party-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:10495615Post:2a537b09-e4f8-45ca-ad4d-d6c12838d242">Re: Engagement Party- Who to invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]People have different circumstances for not being able to invite everyone they want but still would like a nice way to celebrate with lots of people. 
Posted by signingjulie[/QUOTE]

Well, then throw another party for friends and family that you aren't inviting to the wedding.  That is perfectly acceptable as long as you don't attach your wedding to it.

nefariousmango

Thanks guys!   I know that it is proper ediquitte to NOT invite anyone to a pre-wedding event where gifts are expected, but I wasn't sure if this counted.  We would never spread word about registries, I do think that's tacky, but what about spreading word that we don't expect nor want any gifts? 

We would really like to celebrate with all of these people who we care about, but can't afford to have at the wedding/ reception.  Honestly, my aunt and uncle have the resources to throw a party the size of our wedding wihtout blinking, so this seemed like a good chance to celebrate with the people we wish we could afford to include in everything else!  I don't think anyone would feel like they were getting jipped, because price-per-plate would be about the same (do people really calculate this crap in their heads? Jeez!).

Also, since coworker showers ARE wedding occasions in which the guests/hosts do not expect to be invited to the wedding, and a lot of these people are coworkers...
Would you be insulted if you were invited to a coworker's shower and not to their small, mostly-family wedding?

Just curious.  I still think we'll keep it small and only people who either truely understand that we can't afford to have everyone we want at our wedding but would like to have them for some good food etc, and the handful of friends and family who are local AND invited to the wedding.