Short Engagement vs. Long Engagement.

Hi everybody! My fiance proposed to me this past June, and I am so excited to start planning my wedding! The only problem is, we can't agree on how long we should wait. Before he proposed, I had told him that I didn't want a long engagement, and that when I got engaged I would be ready to start wedding planning. He wants a long engagement. We settled on a year, and then he said he wanted to push it back a few months, so we were planning for October . Now he is saying he wants to push it back an entire year. His reasoning is financial, which I can understand. But neither of us want a huge wedding, and I don't think we would have any problem affording what we want. What can I say to convince him? I need to do it soon, because we have a lot to do if we're still going to stick with next October! Thanks!

Re: Short Engagement vs. Long Engagement.

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    Personally, I don't think that you should "convince" him. Are you being realistic with the budget? Is he looking at what you will have after spending the money on the wedding? Maybe he is concerned about affording the wedding, housing, bills, etc. You need to sit down and have a serious conversation about the budget and be realistic about costs. It is his wedding too.

    Sorry if this comes off harsh, I don't mean it to be.


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    Are you being realistic with your budget? What is going on with school with you both?
    Our budget was pretty good, but I wanted to wait until I was done with my masters, which pushed my date back to Sept 2014. Make sure you're taking enough time to make the experience (both planning and the wedding) as stress-free and enjoyable as possible!
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    I would strongly recommend a longer engagement if money is an issue.  Also see where you are in school.  We were either having a 2 year engagement, or a 17 month engagement.  Due to school, it had to be 17 months rather than 2 years (yay for me graduating early).  

    A longer engagement means it's a lot less stressful, which helps if you're still in school.  Talk to him and you both need to be realistic with your budget, like pp's said.  The engagement length is a choice you make together.  
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    We were going to do a shortish engagement, but because of what we both want and our lack of money, we had to push it back a year. Sooo much stress gone from that decision! It will be better because you have more time to plan, you can spread it out more, and even if you think you don't want a lot, you might come across something expensive in planning that you didn't know you wanted, and it'd be nice to have time to save up for it. Plus, if your maids or his groomsmen are students, too, then it's nice for them to have some more time to save up for their attire. :)
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    Thanks guys. It was something we needed to have a serious conversation about. We've decided to see where we're sitting financially at the end of the year, and then to make our decision from there.
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    Our engagement will end up being two and a half years, and that is perfectly fine with both us :) I graduate in May, but I didn't want to the stress of a wedding the same month that I was trying to finish finals..that is stressful enough! My FI was really set on me finsishing school before we got married, so that worked out better for us. We are planning the wedding for next October and after 1 1/2 of the engagement, I am just starting to wedding plan...And I have plenty of time to pull everything together.

    Do what seems right for you and your FI! Maybe aim for 1 1/2/ year engagement.
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    kbracero1kbracero1 member
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    edited October 2012
    Me and my FI will be engaged for 25 months by the time we get married. (Just got engeged on Sept. 1st!) :) Believe me, I completly understand why you can't wait to get married, and a long engegement seems so far away sometimes but I know time will fly! But for us, a long engegement just worked out better for everyone. This way we will both be done with school, it will give us plenty of time to save up, and also very important, it will give my extended side of the family plenty of time to save up for airfair (they are 3,000 miles away).  It is also very important to his mother that he finished school fist and he graduates Aug. 2014. Although the day is about you and your life together it is always good to think about out-of-town guests and far-away family when choosing the date as well. When to have your wedding is a big decision and you and your FI should pick a date you are both happy with :) 

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    Like vgarlin, I'll also have about a 2 1/2 year engagement.  When we got engaged, FI was really set on me finishing grad school before even thinking about wedding planning. I have one class left after this sememster, so FI gave me the green light to go ahead and start planning.  I want to secure the bigger things (venue and photog) soon, but then not stress so much until after graduation in May.  We're getting married March 2014, which will give me 10 months of planning time after graduation.  
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    Long engagements seem to work best for students-- gives you time to get further with your degree or finish it, time to save up money, and most importantly, get a job that will allow you to actually live once you're married.

    We were engaged for 2 years and we're getting married 12.22.12. I'm graduating Dec. 7. FI has been done with school since 2010... we are ready to support ourselves financially and we're both done with school. It works for us.

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    I Can competely relate to you!! I wish I could get married next year, but I work a full time job and am a full time student.  We are also in the process of buying a house, luckily the parents are giving a huge chunk, but, its one of those things where you have to be honest with yourself and make note of what you really can afford.  Every girl wants a fast engagement, but, do you want to be broke at the end??? 
    Congrats by the way :)

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    When I got engaged, my fiance was in the Air Force.  I wanted to wait until I was out of school so we could be together without worrying about transferring.  He got medically discharged, but we kept the idea that we'd wait until I was done with undergrad.  It really sucked because I watched alot of friends get married/start a family all while I had been engaged before them.  Now we've started planning, and it's paid off.  We both have jobs and more money so we won't burden our parents much.  It pays off to wait, and don't take it as him getting cold feet! He wants the best for you and your marriage!  Enjoy being engaged! =]
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    I agree that it shouldn't be a matter of convincing him.

    What I think you should do is flat out ask him why he is pushing back the wedding when neither of you wants a terribly costly wedding and you would be able to afford it.

    My fiance and I don't have a whole lot of money and we are both in school and he's about to switch to full time (even though he is pretty much working full time, since he works more than he is ever scheduled for). What we decided on doing is setting a realistic budget for how much we think we might be able to spend when we plan on having our wedding. We wants our wedding when we want it, end of story. We're working our money around that.

    You shouldn't have to put off your wedding because of money. If you have enough money to live off of, then just put a little aside each paycheck to make the wedding happen too.
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    edited December 2012
    I know this hasn't been touched on for awhile, but can anyone with a short engagement window offer insight to their experience? 

    I'm graduating in May, with job prospects in view and hopefully an offer on the table within the next month (extremely grateful for this!). My FI has been working in his dream field for the past 4 years, and holding steady. We've talked about our wedding for a long time; and with our recent engagement we are discussing the possibility of having it mid-to-late October 2013. Our two main reasons for this is :

    1. Don't have to compete too much/worry about weather when it comes to booking a venue, not to mention off season pricing saves a little $. 

    2. Student loan payoffs won't begin until December, which means I have a larger pool of available cash to help pay for this. Once loans kick in, my ability to contribute will be impacted by roughly $600/month. Even if we waited an extra year, our savings won't get exponentially larger.

    We've talked about putting it off until the following October, but the budget we set now isn't going to change substantially enough to justify it. Right now, my top priority is whether or not 10.5ish months is enough time to get this all planned. Is it possible? Or would it be wiser just to bump it a month or two so I don't go batsh!t before the date?
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    i got engaged in december and am getting married in july because i am graduating my undergrad in may and leaving for law school in august and my fiance is going on a military deployment in sept. i have seven months to plan a wedding while taking over 18 credits and working. BUT i have alot of support with my mom for planning the wedding, she is willing to do alot of the leg work and planning for me and my father was in catering so i have it a little easier. it is still very stressful though. if you have suport of people who are willing to help you with the planning a bunch then ten months is more than enough time to plan a wedding, but be prepared for lots of stress, im already going batshit trying to do as much as possible before my semester starts.
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