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age
I just wanted to say that I am pretty sick and tired of hearing people tell me I am too young and immature to get married. Half of the "older, more mature" people who have replied to my posts on other boards on this site have been very outwardly rude and basically telling me to not get married because they didn't marry the boyfriend they had at 21. Well, good for you people but I am and my fiance and I are not getting married until after I turn 22 and finish undergraduate school. I am mature, extremely financially independant, and capable of making my own decisions. Anyone who suggests otherwise, I realize it is out of concern and I do appreciate it, but I am not going to cancel my engagement because you, judging me solely on my age, disagree. Has anyone else basically feel like they have run head on into a brick wall with people opposing their engagment/wedding instead of being happy and celebrating with them?
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Re: age
IRL, I know it can be frustrating. Just remember that everyone has their own experience and most people mean well, so just try to smile and ignore it. If you know you're making the right decision, you don't need to listen to them and you shouldn't let it get to you, even though that's tough sometimes.
I never had a problem with this until I shaved my head last year for St Baldrick's Day, and suddenly everyone thought I was 18 (I'm 24). Now I'm super sympathetic to how much it sucks to be told you're too young to make important decisions!
Also, my grandparents got married when they were 19, my aunt and uncle were 19 and 10, respectively, and both have been married />50 years, so don't let people convince you that you're too young and it won't last!
[QUOTE]Aren't there studies that say getting married young is a good thing?! I'm pretty sure I've heard that before.
Posted by krissydawn16[/QUOTE]
<div>Actually...no. Studies have shown that divorce rates go down with increasing age...so someone who marries at age 30 is less likely to get divorced than someone who marries at age 20. Increasing levels of education are also correlated with a lesser divorce rate.</div><div>
</div><div>There's a really good discussion about all of this in <em>Committed</em> by Elizabeth Gilbert (she also wrote <em>Eat Pray Love</em>). I highly recommend it!</div><div>
</div><div>Finally, I'm not judging anyone - I think that people should always do what's right for them. I just wanted to clear up this misconception.</div><div>
</div><div>Hope this helps! :)</div>
[QUOTE]When you have to go around justifying how mature and capable you are...it makes others realize how young you are. You want to be treated as old and wise and mature...simply act like it.
Posted by nyrek[/QUOTE]
This exactly. Well put.
The manager was off at lunch at the time and this woman was the only one in the store. I should have gone back a little later and let the manager know what was going on, but I was too ashamed. My pride was hurt. I couldnt bring myself to go back in. Besides, I was moving in a few days.
That was almost a year ago now.
[QUOTE]I got kicked out of a dress shop once for being too young. A women who worked there came up and told me not to buy a dress or even get married, because no marriage that happens before the couple is 30 will ever survive. She told me it was a waste of money and that I should probably just "end it with the boy now and go home to my mommy."
Posted by boatkicker[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Wow! I can't believe anyone would say that to you! Especially someone in a dress shop...you'd think they would want your business. </div><div>
</div><div>Besides, there are plenty of marriages that survive when they got married before 30. My good family friends were married when they were 18, right out of high school, and are still together 26 years later. And this was Seattle, not the south (because someone mentioned before that it seems people marry younger in the south). Also my parents. My dad was 21 and my mom 30 when they got married. People discouraged them (especially his parents) but they are still happy together after 25 years.</div><div>
</div><div>I just hate when people do things like that and say things like that based on age.
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I have, however, had friends who have gotten married within the last year and people gave them all kinds of hell for it because they have had immature relationships in the past doing the we're going to break up every week thing or arguing over lame things like if he wanted to go hang out with his buddies over the weekend instead of you.
I'm by no means judging to each their own but maybe if you're getting a lot of crap for being so young you should look at your relationship a bit closer or even your past relationships from an outsiders point of view and see if you portray this air of maturity in them that you feel the need to profuse to random internet strangers about.
Again to each their own and best wishes in your engagement as well as marriag. BTW I think the people who are saying well I wouldn't have married the person I was dating at 21 blah blah blah mean well but I also think its a bunch of bull because yes you grow and change so much in your twenties your finding yourself and getting to know what you really want out of life but you also grow and change continously through-out your life and your wants and needs change at every age not just in your twenties.
As long as you guys have a plan for a budget, how you want to live, how you want to raise your kids or if your going to even have kids, what will you do if certain situations arise like a lost job or death of a car, do you have funds saved up for such events do you agree on things like family values and religious values etc if you've thought about and talked about these kind of things then your probably ready to get married, if you haven't you may want to figure some of them out before you go with the till death do us part
Again not judging and congrats
[QUOTE] 30 years ago if you weren't married by 20 you were a freak.
Posted by mollysophia[/QUOTE]
<div>lol! So true! I think even 20 years ago it was strange to get married in your 30s and 40s. </div><div>
</div><div>Just because someone is older does NOT mean they are wiser or more mature! Take, for example, my FI's 40-something-year-old aunt. When she found out about the engagement (she disapproves of getting married young), she refused to talk to me or even make eye contact. When I asked her a question or tried to make small talk, she would look at my future sister-in-law (Amanda) and say "did you say something, Amanda?". Oh yeah, now THAT'S mature. The woman is in her late 30's, early 40's, (today's "perfect age" for getting married) and she is basically playing the "did someone hear the wind?" game. </div><div>
</div><div>Oh, and has anyone else noticed that all of the models pictured in wedding dresses are in their 20's? And yet I have heard more than one story of brides being chased out of shops because of their young age!</div><div>
</div><div>When it comes down to it, it sucks. It really does. You may not be considered "the right age" for a bride these days, but you are young and you have your <em>whole life</em> to spend with your new hubby. Just relax and stop fighting the older women on the Knot boards. There's <em>always</em> going to be some ol' dingbat thinking you're too young or too immature to be a bride, especially if you stomp your feet and scream " I am <em>not</em> too young!!!" (because that just proves their point). So just lift your chin up and smile (and take comfort in the fact that you probably don't get all wrinkly when you do). You are a beautiful, young bride! :)</div>
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Not likely.
You just have to ignore those who are negative. If you are mature enough and responsible to make the decision (read: financially stable, etc) then who cares about what others think? This is your decision.