Long distance engagement

 I am hoping to find people in a similar situation.  My FI and I are somewhat long distance now, 2.5 hours apart, but over the last few months we've actually been able to see eachother every weekend. However in about 3 weeks I will be moving back to Michigan for grad school while he finishes out his grad program in Florida.  We plan on getting married next May, so for the rest of our engagement we will be a 3 hour plane ride apart. 

I get sad every time I think about it, but after weighing all of our options,right now this is the best choice.  It's just so hard to think about. While we're used to not seeing eachother every day,since we've been together the longest we've been apart is 14 days. 

I'm just sad lol

Re: Long distance engagement

  • It sucks, but deep down you know that finishing grad school is best for your future.  Good luck!!  We're here when you need us
  • It sucks, but it's completely do-able. FI and I have done the long distance thing the whole four years I was in undergrad. We lived about 5 hours apart and got to see each other every 4 to 6 weeks typically. I'm starting grad school this week at the same school I did undergrad at, so we'll be finishing up all the wedding stuff long distance as well. I miss him all the time, and sometimes are harder than others. One of the best things we've done was to try and plan the next time we got to see each other before we left. That way we at least always knew when we were going to see each other, no matter how far away. Not knowing was much worse for me at least. The wedding will be that much more special because I know that it means we'll be living in the same place finally!
  • My FI is in school 1,000 miles away. It sucks, but we're stronger for it. We love skype, phone calls, texting, and sending photos. We read books over skype together, play games online that we can both play, watch shows at the same time, or just do our homework together. We also write love-letters to eachother. Although an LDR one of the hardest things I've done in my life, I always look forward to him coming home or me going to visit. We count down the days!

    It has gotten easier over the last two years, but it takes work. You can do it! Make sure you set a specific timeline of when you can be together and stick to it. The worst thing is not knowing when you'll be able to see eachother again. Give yourself things to look forward to in your relationship and in the other areas of your life. Good luck with everything!

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  • FI and I have lived about four hours apart from each other for the last four years.  He's in air force ROTC so he's also been gone for training both stateside and overseas, and during those weeks we weren't able to talk with one another.  Being away from my FI is definitely one of the hardest things I have ever had to do and there isn't a day that I don't miss him.  But its times like these that really make your relationship stronger =)
    I agree with the suggestions from PP.  Skype is great.  FI and I will have "date nights" via skype where we'll pick up food from the same restaurant and watch a movie together.  We also set aside time every night to talk on the phone.  Although we're both busy making time to talk helps us to get away from the busyness of our lives and focus on our relationship.  I'll occasionally send FI little "care packages" especially if I know he has a bad week coming up and he does the same for me.  Although it is tough at first once you and FI get into a routine it becomes a lot easier =).  You just have to find out what will work best for you and your FI =).  Good luck!!
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  • I'm in a long distance relationship too, due to the military and me being in school. I'll actually be in a long distance marriage for about 2 years due to the same circumstance... it's no fun!
  • My main suggestion, besides building on the communication of your relationship, is snail mail. There's nothing like sending him a nice letter as a surprise and receiving an excited phone call from him! It adds instant happiness to a LDR and makes the distance feel like it's not there for a short while.
  • FI and I were 4.5 hours apart for 2 years.  I'm back home for the summer, so it's only an hour and a half now, but I'm moving mid-August for grad school.  If he doesn't get a job in LA, we'll be 22 hours apart, and if he does, well, it's about a 4 day drive.  Our solution was to not plan the wedding until after I graduate, giving us time to save and figure stuff out.  And then, after graduation, I'll move in with him.

    I agree with you though, it sucks bananas.
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  • It sucks but it is doable. Fi and I were long distance until this year, and after I graduate we will be long distance afain. Just make time to talk to each other and see each other and you will be fime. Having a support group of friends or family is also very helpful.
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  • chescamchescam member
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    It is tough but you can do it. Fi and I spent the last two years apart in a LDR. I was living in California and him in Florida. We only saw each other about every 3-4 months. We got engaged last March and I just moved back to Florida after finishing grad school. We communited via skype, texts, phone calls, and emails. I was aprehensive at first about moving but if you two are comitted to making the relationship work it makes it more doable.
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  • Long-distance is hard but totally do-able.  I definitely think it helped make FI's relationship stronger and we have much better communication with each other than I think we would otherwise.  It really sucks to be that far apart, but the time will fly and it's well worth it to finish up and achieve what you want to achieve.
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  • FI and I are 9 hours apart for the next 3 years while I'm in vet school. Everyone has given great advice so far - Skype is a godsend, and if you're like us, you can try to meet in the middle and have a little mini-vacation every once in a while. It's definitely not all sunshine and roses - it's a lot harder when we have disagreements, because I'm by myself and like to sit and stew about how "I'm right and he's wrong" lol.  Communication is absolutely KEY. When you don't agree, you really need to talk it out right then and there if possible.

    I think it'll help that you're only a year out from your wedding and you'll be able to plan. Heck, I look at wedding stuff all the time, and I'm 3 years out - it just helps to think that it'll all be worth the wait. Plus, it'll really strengthen your relationship. I feel like if you can make it through a LDR, you can make it through just about anything!

  • Yes, the long distance engagment is difficult but as so many have stated in various ways education is crucial for a successful life once you are together and we are fortunate to have so many ways to stay in contact via snail mail, phone and skype. My Fiance and I have been in a long distance relationship for over 3 years with 2 more to go due to graduate school. Though it has been hard seeing each other every 4 to 8weeks, if you know he is the right person for you then things will work out in the end. At least he is not going to China for graduate school! I had an opportunity to go for my research for a 6month stay and the 12 hour time difference has really been difficult for us. Good news is that after the 6 months we will spend 2 whole weeks together and it will be heaven!!! Cheer up sweets, love has a uncany ability to survive as long as you remain honest and faithful with each other! Good luck girl! 
  • I agree with everyone else!  It is definitely doable.  My fiance is in the USMC and if he is not training, he is deployed.  After we get married I will still be at school while he is at his duty station for at least two years.  And we will be about 6 hours apart assuming that he is stateside.
  • I completely understand how much a LDR sucks.  My FI and I have been in one for the entire 5 years that we have been dating.  All of the suggestions from the ladies are amazing.  Between skype, facebook chat, email, and snail mail my FI and I are much stronger.  We try to see one another as often as possible, taking turns between me going down to him and him coming up to me.  He has a full-time teaching job about 3 hours from where I go to grad school, so it's tough.  But if you both put a little time and effort into it, it is completely rewarding :) good luck!
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  • Gosh it's soo nice to know that I am not alone...Some days I am okay with it, and I know that it will be fine, but other days it just hurts so much.
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