Second-String Bridesmaids

Brittany&Nate

I am in desperate need of your opinions here, ladies! Here's the situation: Our plan was to have 5 girls and 5 guys in the wedding party. I REALLY wanted to have a sixth girl, but am a bit of a nut and couldn't deal with things not being even...so we stuck with 5 and 5. My girls consist of my sister, FI's 3 sisters, and an old college roommate. About two weeks ago, I got a call from the old roommate, hysterical that her school schedule got changed (she's on a fast-track respiratory therapist program in LA) and wouldn't be able to make it to the wedding (Jan 9). Since then, I have been stewing about the party being unsymmetrical, expecially during the ceremony and in the pictures. FI doesn't think it's a big deal whatsoever. I've been contemplating asking that 6th girl, the one that I originally wanted to have in the party in the first place, but don't want her to feel like second pickings. From what I'm hearing, last-minute fill-ins are not out-of-the-ordinary when it comes to the bridal party. Part of me is desperate to get both sides even AND I wanted her in the party to begin with. Would you be offended or excited if you were a second-string bridesmaid? Would YOU ask that sixth bridesmaid?? Thanks, ladies :-)

juliet1503

Wow, that's a tough one. I'm interested to see what the other ladies think. In truth, my feelings might be a bit hurt if I were, as you put it, a "second string" bridesmaid. It would also depend on how close we were and whether you were straight with me about what was going on. Our numbers were uneven and it really really didn't look off at all. . . you have even more people, so the only one who's going to notice is you. If it's that big of a deal to you, ask her, but be prepared for her feelings to be a bit hurt that you didn't ask her to begin with and she might even say so. I know you wanted her to be in the BP to begin with, but it might not feel that way to her. I personally, wouldn't risk hurting her feelings by asking her now, but that's just me.

JKohio

It TOTALLY depends on the person. You know HER best. If I was in the position that I was asked to be 2nd string bridesmaid, I wouldn't care as long as there was still time to get the dress and such. I'd have a problem if I was asked with only a month to go. If your wedding date is still in January, I'd say you still have time. If you think she'd be offended though, just by how she is and how close she is to you, don't go there. Really, asymmetrical bridal parties are no big deal. Guests likely won't notice with that many people in the bridal party anyway.

kurtzkb

I agree that it depends on your relationship with the 'second-string' bridesmaid. You would know how she would react, as well as how to put ask her to avoid hurting her feelings.  It is a tough position. But, I wanted you to know, I am just as much of a 'nut' in that uneven sides would drive me crazy...I would venture I was even more OCD than you about it, so although I'm not sure what to do, I wanted you to know you weren't the only OCD about this :-)

Mary11

i agree that it depends on the person.. my FI actually was put in this situation.. his cousin was getting married and one of the guys moved away for work and ddnt think he could make it back for the wedding.. so after months of planning with the other guy they asked FI to be in the wedding to take his place.. At first FI was a little put off cus he wasnt originally asked, but his cousin explained that he always wanted him in it, but they ddnt have a girl to match him up with and she was really big on it being even as well.. so i just asked him if the situation were reversed would they do it for us? and he decided to be in it and was happy with his decision..

hollsmv

it's totally unnecessary to have the bridal parties even. Pictures will still be beautiful regardless and they won't look off balance if you have great photog's. I would be offended if asked to be a bridesmaid this late in the game.  Because I'd feel exactly like what I was - second choice.  sorry, but that's the reality of it.

klockerc

Myself personally, it would depend on which of my friends asked me and why. I think I would be a offended/put off if I felt like the person was asking me only to make their numbers even. If I felt like I was close to the person asking and they were sincere about wanting me to be in the wedding in the first place then I wouldn't be upset at all. It really depends on your friend though. I am much less sensitive to these kinds of things than others. I think if you aren't quite sure if she will be upset it might be better not to ask her at all.We didn't have an even number in our wedding party. I asked a friend of mine who I knew wasn't going to be able to make it to the wedding but I still asked because I wanted her to know that she was important to me. I also didn't feel like replacing her with someone just to make things even. That was just me though. The asymmetrical thing doesn't bother me a bit and my one BM got to walk with 2 guys which she loved, LOL :)Do what you feel will be the best for you and your friend. Good Luck.

bparine

I had a similar situation. One of my bridesmaids had to drop out due to her school schedule and the fact that she lives overseas. I thought about replacing her, but in the end decided that I didn't want to possibly hurt someones feelings by adding them in after. I just didn't feel right about it. So we had an uneven bridal party and it looked fine, and worked out great.

almost_MrsLee

This sounds very similar to a problem I am having, except with the boys. Oh it is so aggravating, isn't it? My fiance isn't sure what to do either... Did you ask the other girl? Did it go over well? I'm a little nervous because the guy we're contemplating asking is a little bit of a drama queen -but just a bit My fiance thinks it'll be ok though, so I guess I'll just cross my fingers. And good luck to you! I'm sure your girl will be honored that you asked her.