Picking a date during the semester?

Sinope

Just got engaged (yay!) and first post here (yay!).  My fiancé really wants an outdoor wedding during autumn, so that we can have the beautiful leaves changing color in the background (we're in New England).  10/10/10 in particular is really attractive to us for various reasons, although I know that many places are already booked for then.  All this is great so far . . . except for the part where I'm a PhD student still doing coursework, and next fall, I'll have a full load of classes and TAing, without any real breaks any time in the fall.  So, I'd have to be worrying about coursework up until the weekend of the wedding, and I wouldn't be able to take off for a honeymoon afterward -- I could probably ask for a day off, but then it would be back to work.

I'm not as concerned about delaying our honeymoon; we've already done some really fun travelling together, and I'm happy to save that trip for a time we're both free.  My worry is that if I'm trying to plan a wedding AND do all my coursework, then one or the other is going to suffer!  On the other hand, I'll probably have all summer to focus on the wedding (as well as general studying for comps, etc.), and my fiancé is very willing to get involved in all aspects of planning, and neither of us want a super-elaborate wedding anyway.  Moreover, August would be a bad month for various reasons, so we'd have to push the wedding up to July -- which is coming awfully soon!

So.  Should I put my foot down and insist on a summer wedding anyway, so my semester is less stressful?  Or should we stick to the autumn plan and just try to get as much as possible done ahead of time?

LauraT25

I won't have any courses next fall, so it's a bit easier for me, but I'm getting married in the middle of the semester.  I will have just gone through my candidacy exams, so I will be really busy up to that point, and I can't really take time off before the wedding because I have to get work done (though I do get to take off for my HM).

 It's not easy, but if it's what you want, then you can make it work.  However, I also want to point out that the specifc date shouldn't be TOO important, and if there's no other reason to get married in the fall, maybe it would make more sense to get married in the summer or once classes are finished.

Sinope

Laura, thanks for the advice, and good luck ramping up to your candidacy exams!

It's less that we're tied to a specific date than that he really wants an autumn wedding, both for the scenery (changing leaves) and for the cool weather (he doesn't deal well with heat outdoors).  It's encouraging to hear that others are doing it, anyway!

ks3pink

I'm getting married 10/10/10 and will be student teaching math classes in a high school.  We're gonna do the HM the following weekend as fall break is usually around that time.  Use your summer to get everything done and I think you'll be fine, especially if you were to choose a Sunday so you could do the day-before stuff on Saturday.  Then you just take off on Monday and viola!  A beautiful fall wedding!

FutureMrsRyan

well - if you DO pick 10/10/10 - i totally encourage you to check out the october 2010 board.  everyone there is incredibly helpful, supportive, and FUN!

dont know how much knotting you've done thus far

jenn.daniel

Do grad students at your school get a fall break?  If so, I'd try to plan the wedding for that weekend, even if it's not 10/10/10.

It sounds like you won't be busy in the summer, so you should be able to get most of the planning done then.  It's great your fiance will be helping out so much.  If he takes care of the last minute stuff, I think it's doable.

lca315girl

If you do decide to go with 10/10/10 as your wedding day, I'd just tell you to use the school breaks to your planning advantage. It's good that your FI is willing to help out, so I think that'll help ease some of the stress that can come with wedding planning.

LauraT25

We're getting married in September for the same reason - we don't want it to be hot!  I thought about October for the leaves (our favorite time of year) but I was worried it might be too cold outside.  It's funny that we thought about the same things when picking a date!  I agree with PPs, do most of your planning in the summer and you will make it work!  I don't get a fall break, so I don't know if you do, but if so it's a good idea to maybe work your wedding around that.

jenandcris

I think it's totally doable, but I agree with other pps about planning during breaks FI is from Boston (I'm from Lowell) and we're actually getting married there. I know that 10/10/10 is a popular date... and I know a lot of places are booking the date up fast!

moshi's paw

i will be brutally honest, i sincerely don't think it won't work.  if you're a TA, you have a contractual obligation to school, never mind your own coursework, which missing even a day or a week can put you severely behind.  plus, if you think you can just take a day off and get married and go back to school, wouldn't that be anticlimactic for the biggest day of your life?  if FI doesn't understand your obligations and priorities with school, maybe you guys need to put it off until the following summer.  and how will you accomplish the face-time with your vendors, especially leading right up to the wedding (some will require meetings a week out from the date), with your school load?  also, depending on your program, where do your prelims fit into the picture?  is there anyone on your committee that you can talk to about taking this time off to plan? 

as a second year in my PhD program, i've learned there are two sets of lists for everything not-school related: ideal, and realistic.  ideal is what you'd love to have happen, given money time etc.  but the realistic is what your work dictates. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'm getting married 10/10/10. I'm also graduating next fall. I'll be turning in my thesis and applying for PhD programs, so not full-time, but I'll definitely have some work during that time. (I also work full time.)

I would highly recommend getting a coordinator for the last month or two, so you have someone to confirm everything and work out the last minute details.

cameroncurran

I am convinced no day/weekend is perfect. Go for the day you want, you will get what you need to get done done! You will be busy but are you ever not busy?

DramaGeek

I think it completely depends on your program.  I got married midyear during my senior year of college and it was fine, but I was at a small school in an even smaller program and worked with my profs to be sure I could miss the last week of the semester.  I took all my finals early and made it work.  It was pretty stressful though, let me tell ya,

One of my cohort members got married during our MA cohort, and that was bru.tal.  We had a midsummer break and that's when they got married, but she was going quite insane the couple of weeks leading up to the wedding and said later that she never felt like she really got to delve into married life because we were back to school right after their wedding.

Talk to your professors, see what they think.  I would imagine how big of an affair you're planning would play into it as well.

brit_bell90

I would never be able to do that, I'm getting married June 25, 2011. So that'll give me over a month after my classes for that semester end to freak out over last minute wedding details. I timed it out so I'll be getting my associate's degree that semester, get married about a month later, then have July and most of August before I start at a new college. I would be a complete wreck if i had a wedding mid semester, but if you can do it, more power to ya!

andrewsgirl745

I dont think that you cant pull it off (although i think it adds extra stress) but my main concern is that not all of my friends go to the same school as me and would have to travel during the semester. Most of them wouldnt be able to make it. your situation may be different though