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Want to set a date but MOB says NO!!!!

I am 22 and going to graduate with Bachelors in Education degree in December 2010.  My goal before I was engaged was to continue with my masters to be a principal.  I have been dating my fiancé since we were sophomores in high school, totaling in 6 years of dating.  However my mother wants us to wait to get married till I am DONE with masters and not work as a teacher till I get my masters.  If we do this, we would be together about 8 years before we could get married. It is not an issue of money because my fiancé is an electrical engineer, he is also 22.  We do not want to wait that long to get married.  If it were up to us we would get married June 2011 and I would teach for a few years then start my masters. My dad is ok with this option.  But keep in mind my parents are paying for the wedding. 


My argument, as a potential supervisor, I need to have hands on experience in teaching.  Right now, I have only had theories on how to deal with certain situations that would occur while I am principal. So I need to teach for at least 3-4 years to get that experience. I am not planning on starting off as a principal, my whole thing with getting masters was to have a back-up plan if I did not want to each any more as a teachers, I can progress to being a principal.


I am from Northwest Tennessee by the way.  With the school district that I am planning on teaching in, they will hire a teacher right out of undergrad school over a masters, if they can just because of the pay difference.


So my question is how to explain to my mother, who is an accountant that is all about numbers and $, our reasons for not waiting and how to explain to her that we want to get married June 2011 not when I get done with Masters. 


Please help!!

Lynsey & Jason

Re: Want to set a date but MOB says NO!!!!

  • tell your mom to stfu. that's my advice. if they don't want to pay because of when you get married, then suck it up and pay for a wedding yourselves.

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  • I agree with everyone else. This is YOUR wedding, and it sounds like your parents are using their money to control not only the wedding, but your life. I'd tell her that while you respect her opinion, you feel you have demonstrated that you're capable of making educated and well-thought-out decisions, even if she disagrees with what you think is right.

    If this means paying for your own wedding, so be it. If she's already trying to control your wedding date, just think about how much she'll micromanage every detail of the planning if she pays for it!
  • are you the oldest/ only child?  it honestly sounds like she is having a hard time letting go.  Or maybe she is worried about the job market for you when you get out.

    Either way, I think you need to sit down with her and tell her you never planned on going directly into the masters program, and you don't think that would be the best for your situation. 
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  • I am an only child and the only grandchild in the family.  So yeah there is major letting go issues.
    Lynsey & Jason
  • edited March 2010
    NWR:  regardless of when you have your wedding - DO NOT WAIT TO GET A TEACHING JOB!!  Apply after your bachelors... no one will hire you because they will have to pay you more since you have your master's.  Also, here in PA,  most schools pay for a percentage of your master's.  FI started teaching this year and will start his master's this summer.  His first class is costing us $100 because of how much his school pays.

    Those reasons are #s and $s
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  • I agree with the teaching first - experience is everything in the field.  I was able to teach and go to grad school full time (luckily I found a program offering nights and weekends) - and while it was a pain in the ass, it was totally worth it.  That way, you graduate with an M.Ed./M.S. Ed. AND have experience - huge bonuses for your resume.  I also agree with holding off a bit on the wedding.  My fiancee and I just got engaged after 8 years (I'm 26) and while it seemed a crazy long time to wait, I realize that it's much less stressful to start planning a wedding when you don't have to worry about being too busy with school and stuff.  Either way, do what you and your fiancee feel is right :)
  • My fiance and I are both 24 and we have been dating since our junior year in high school. It will be almost 8 years when we get married in July. We've been talking about getting married for years, but we wanted to wait until we were both done with college. It's been tough the past couple of years because we are so anxious to getting married and live together, but I'm glad that we waited. I am done with school and I have lots of time to plan the wedding.

    I went straight into my MBA after completing my BBA, and I do not recommend it. I ended up quitting after 2 semesters of my masters program because I was so burned out. I think that a break in between is definitely a good idea!
  • I say talk to her and explain why you want to get married now. If that doesn't work, I'm an accounting major, getting ready to start my masters this fall, and I'd be happy to crunch some numbers for you if you want. Honestly, though, if you want to get married now, you should get married now. It sounds like she's honestly just trying not to lose you. I'm the oldest child in my family--and the only girl--and my mother was the same way. And honestly, until I just said "Mom, this is what I'm going to do, I know it's how you think I should do it, but I hope you'll support me anyway" our relationship was being seriously strained by our disagreements. Mom was trying not to lose me, I was trying to figure out how to be independent even though parents were paying for the wedding AND school, and it just didn't work for me to ask permission. I just had to tell her. Your mom will probably support you regardless. You just have to tell her that you're a grown up now, and you're in love with this man, and you don't want to wait anymore.
  • I'm in TN to go to school for Education as well... Ever heard of MTSU?

    We are getting married May 2011... Will be graduting May 2011 as well. We are both planning on grad school. He'll probably start the following Fall & I'll teach for awhile too.

    There is nothing wrong with getting married and THEN getting your masters... However, they do say, the longer you wait, the harder it gets. BUT, there is no need to postpone a wedding. Just keep in mind, your mom might not be as willing to help with your wedding if it's not on her schedule. I'm not saying she's right, but, it's a possibility that she'll not want to help if you do it at a time that she doesn't approve.

    However, as cliche as it is, it's YOUR life... Will you look back and regret waiting to get married? Or, will you look back and not even care? Try to put things into perspective and calmly sit down with your mom and discuss it with her.
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  • My mom doesn't want my FI and I to get married when we want to either.  We set a date for as far in the future as we feel we can handle, and we are telling her that if she is not OK with that date, she need not attend.

    (We are paying for our own wedding, with his parents helping.)

    Also, I agree that you should teach for at least a year before you get your Master's.  You may want to look into this, but I've heard that many school districts require that you teach for X number of years before you're allowed to move into administration.
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  • I agree, definitely teach for a year or so and then move onto your Master's, and look to see if there is a program where you can go nights and weekends, my mom did that a few years ago and it worked out well. As far as when you want to get married, your mom might be having trouble letting go, or as in my mom's case, she's worried if I start working right after I graduate next year, then I won't ever make it to grad school. It's harder to go back to school once you've left, but not impossible. I am getting married in the middle of my last semester next year, mainly because I have a field camp I have to do in the summer and then we are moving across the country after that so I can go to grad school right away. It's tough planning and going to school, but since you have a year, you should be able to get it all done.

    FYI - My FI's dad is a teacher, he got his Master's last year and now he can't find a job anywhere, though we live in a small town, because it costs too much to pay him right now in this recession. He's driving school buses until someone will hire him to teach.
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  • You should check into the requirements for your state. In NY, you have to teach for 5 years before you can begin an administration master's. If you have to wait and get the teaching experience, then your Mom can't say much about you going right into your master's!
  • I also have the same plan as you(having principal as a back up plan)

    I am getting married May 2012, graduating May 2013 and starting my teaching career. While I'm teaching, I am planning on getting my masters. It will probably take a little longer but I'd rather start teaching then get my masters, instead of going to school for another year then starting my career.
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