Completely confused at 19

clarissadawnchapman

So my fiance and I (he is 21, will be 22 soon) are wanting to plan a wedding for next summer (2013).

I've never been to a wedding, I don't know what happens at one. I've looked on websites online but all the ideas online are for super fancy weddings... we are paying for our own.

We'll be doing our wedding and reception all in the same place probably, and our family is helping us cook a bunch of stuff so we don't have to get caterer(i can't even spell, haha).

I have no idea where to begin, I don't know what dances need to be done at the reception, how to announce it and with who (we'll dry to get a dj), no idea about the ceremony or anything.

Neither of us have been to a wedding, we're completely lost...

Mmoray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_completely-confused-at-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:96ee72b7-c24e-4de1-a0a5-15c06499d923Post:7c418c13-c553-4f38-82bd-02f5016dd1d0">Completely confused at 19</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiance and I (he is 21, will be 22 soon) are wanting to plan a wedding for next summer (2013). I've never been to a wedding, I don't know what happens at one. I've looked on websites online but all the ideas online are for super fancy weddings... we are paying for our own. We'll be doing our wedding and reception all in the same place probably, and our family is helping us cook a bunch of stuff so we don't have to get caterer(i can't even spell, haha). I have no idea where to begin, I don't know what dances need to be done at the reception, how to announce it and with who (we'll dry to get a dj), no idea about the ceremony or anything. Neither of us have been to a wedding, we're completely lost...
Posted by clarissadawnchapman[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm basically in the same boat as you. I've only been to one wedding, and that was a long time ago. Instead of stressing about the details (like dance announcements), get the big things handled first. Your officiant should help you with the ceremony anyway. Plus, some of the details may not even be important to you, so why stress about them? I mean, if you don't want a lot of spotlight dances, then why spend time planning all that fuss?</div><div>
</div><div>So step one is your budget. Figure out how much you can comfortably spend, especially since you're footing the bill yourself. Weddings get expensive fast, so always be mindful of what you can afford.</div><div>
</div><div>Then figure out the big items like venue, officiant, bakery, photographer, etc.</div><div>
</div><div>I know that the forums here have been super helpful for me in figuring out some of the typical wedding stuff, so use them. Just have specific questions in mind because people can do a lot more with that. On top of that, I skim through the "etiquette" and "chit chat" boards pretty regularly to just get a better understanding of what I've gotten myself into. You'll pick up on things that wouldn't have occurred to you on your own. </div><div>
</div><div>In the end, you've got about a year to plan, so that puts you in good shape. Take a deep breath and chip away at it piece by piece. It's less intimidating that way. Because ultimately, what matters is you and your FI, so don't get bogged down by the rest!</div><div>
</div><div>Good luck!</div>

Annas2013

Hi!  I'm in the same boat as both of y'all.  Just lurk around the forums and you'll figure out what to do.  Considering my mom told me last night that she wants nothing more to do with wedding planning or the wedding in general (long story), it's now just my FI and I trying to plan.  Figure out your budget and then figure out what parts of the ceremony and reception are important to you.  For us, that was photography and the cake.  Figure out what things are not important (for us, flowergirl/ringbearer).  Find your big vendors first and work on it a little bit at a time.  That makes it easier.  

Get as much done on school breaks as you can, trust me on this one.  Our wedding isn't until next May, and we're getting as much done this summer as possible because we won't have much free time once we get back for our senior year of college.  

Good luck with everything!

jcsangelpen

I agree with PP -- just lurk around here for awhile and if you're not a member of pinterest--get one! (in the least, start doing google searches for "wedding", "budget wedding", etc, and look at images, photo shoots, wedding breakdowns, etc.). 

I have only been to a handful of weddings and know that mine will not be like ANY of them anyway! My best advice is make it your wedding. You don't have to do the "traditional" things for the ceremony or reception. You don't need "certain" songs, or anything like that. Make it personal to you and your fiance. 

My wedding will be vastly different than most--I have a $2000 (really $1500) budget, paying everything split between my guy and I. It will likely be a simple, backyard afternoon wedding with a dessert reception for only our closest family and friends. Traditional? In no way. Perfect for us? Yes--and that's what matters. 

Don't be afraid, just be creative. Ask questions on here, confide in friends and family that may have more experience than you, and do what feels right for you!

EC88

For details you should go to a bookstore and look at wedding books (but you don't need to buy any, just get ideas.) Keep in mind that you don't need to include everything (or anything) that the book says or spend a lot of money, but it can give you ideas about traditions. Also, talk to friends who have been to more weddings for ideas. And of course the boards.

unicorntrees

All of the PPs have really good advice. I've been using TK as a guide and it's been super helpful. However, I only use it as a guide and not necessarily the definitive answer to everything. The wedding books, the websites, the magazines--they're all good and they generally cater to the popular ideas for weddings.

In the end, you do what you want. You don't -have- to have certain dances if you don't want to. You don't -have- to have a cake if you don't want to. These are things that are traditionally done, but not everyone does them. Just scope things out, and you'll see very quickly what is traditional or not. Then just decide what you like. Ask any friends/family that are either married or have been to weddings what the weddings were like, what was done, etc. Then formulate an idea of what you'd like to do. And then budget for it.

DramaGeek

Congratulations, you've got the most important thing you need to get married - a groom!  The only things you *have* to have to get married are 1) someone who is legally able to perform a marriage, 2) a bride and groom, 3) a marriage license, 4) a witness (or two) (in most states - some states don't require that) and 5) a place to do it.

Let's tackle 1 and 5 at the same time.  If you choose a location like a church, the officiant is going to come with it.  If you choose someplace like a ballroom or someone's backyard, you'll need to find an officiant (someone to perform the wedding).  This can be a judge, minister who is willing to do a wedding outside of a church, or (in most states) even a friend or family member who got ordained online!

 First, know your budget.  How much can you afford to spend on your venue?  Second, do you have a rough idea of guest list?  If so, you can narrow your search by how many people you need to accomodate.  If n your guest list doesn't exceed the capacity of your space, you'll have to cut people from the list, so try to get a rough idea of numbers first.  Once you've found some venues that fit your requirements, go look at them and see what dates they have available.

If you have guests, you must have a reception.  The reception is how you say thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony.  however, it doesn't need to be a 5 course meal!  It can be as simple as cake and punch.  Just make sure the time fits the reception - cake and punch at 5 pm is no good, as it's a meal time.

Everything else - from bridal party to flowers, from programs to dancing - is completely optional.

 

vbandell

HEY! I have only been to a few weddings so I know kind of what you mean. But the day is about you and your love! So do things the way you want to do them. Some people have very formal weddings were everything is just as you would see on a movie and others have a really unique wedding. No one wedding is better than the other so do what you want.

1. I would recommend looking through this site, getting ideas on dresses, flowers, centerpieces whatever, even if you think you cant afford them because they look so expensive you can always do them yourselves. If you have a few bridesmaids maybe see about them coming over one day to make their own bouqets or help decorate centerpieces.

lol my centerpieces, a bowl with a beta fish in them, you can get really cheap bowls at the dollar store even candles there if you liked the floating candle ideas (just no candles in a bowl with a fish, it wil cook it!)

2. Maybe watch some movies, or get a wedding book it will tell you EVERYTHING that you need to do (if you want to do) before your wedding!!!!

3. Get ideas from friends and family, even if they have only been to a few weddings themselves they can hook you up with lots of ideas!

aeliza06

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_completely-confused-at-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:96ee72b7-c24e-4de1-a0a5-15c06499d923Post:f561820b-d11c-4c09-9a3d-8c7dac8a6413">Re: Completely confused at 19</a>:
[QUOTE]HEY! I have only been to a few weddings so I know kind of what you mean. But the day is about you and your love! So do things the way you want to do them. Some people have very formal weddings were everything is just as you would see on a movie and others have a really unique wedding. No one wedding is better than the other so do what you want. 1. I would recommend looking through this site, getting ideas on dresses, flowers, centerpieces whatever, even if you think you cant afford them because they look so expensive you can always do them yourselves. If you have a few bridesmaids maybe see about them coming over one day to make their own bouqets or help decorate centerpieces. lol my centerpieces, <strong>a bowl with a beta fish in them,</strong> you can get really cheap bowls at the dollar store even candles there if you liked the floating candle ideas (just no candles in a bowl with a fish, it wil cook it!) 2. Maybe watch some movies, or get a wedding book it will tell you EVERYTHING that you need to do (if you want to do) before your wedding!!!! 3. Get ideas from friends and family, even if they have only been to a few weddings themselves they can hook you up with lots of ideas!
Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]
PLEASE don't do this.Floating candles are perfectly fine! Besides being gross (who wants to stare at fish poop while they are eating their filet), it is pretty crappy and selfish of you to use a living, breathing animal as a PROP. Who is going to take care of the fish after? Are theygoing to be ready to take care of their new pet? Betas can't be together so each one will need to find a new (accepting and responsible) home after your day. Here is something to think about... if your guests wanted fish, they would already have them. DON'T be selfish. <div>
</div><div>What if the fish dies during the reception? Would you really want to stare at a dead fish while eating? </div><div>
Last but not least, fish are super tacky. Your guests may not say anything to your face, but they will think it. </div>

princess525

I found that the wedding to do list on this site is really helpful. I'm lucky to have a lot of family giving advice, but having one list as a starting point is calming me down! Also, if you skim through pinterest, there are TONS of budget wedding ideas that are fabulous. I'm obsessed with that site....

mashaesther

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_completely-confused-at-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:96ee72b7-c24e-4de1-a0a5-15c06499d923Post:7c418c13-c553-4f38-82bd-02f5016dd1d0">Completely confused at 19</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiance and I (he is 21, will be 22 soon) are wanting to plan a wedding for next summer (2013). I've never been to a wedding, I don't know what happens at one. I've looked on websites online but all the ideas online are for super fancy weddings... we are paying for our own. We'll be doing our wedding and reception all in the same place probably, and our family is helping us cook a bunch of stuff so we don't have to get caterer(i can't even spell, haha). I have no idea where to begin, I don't know what dances need to be done at the reception, how to announce it and with who (we'll dry to get a dj), no idea about the ceremony or anything. Neither of us have been to a wedding, we're completely lost...
Posted by clarissadawnchapman[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>There's a website called apracticalwedding.com that might help you. I found it a few months ago; it's a blog for people who want to have a reasonable, less expensive wedding, including some DIY stuff. I hope it helps :)

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