Planning a wedding and 2 Ph.D defenses?!

Emily1103

Hi!  I am currently a 5th year Ph.D student and just got engaged to another 5th year Ph.D student.  I've always dreamed of a fall wedding in CT where I grew up (We are in school in CA) and hate the idea of a long engagement.  However, if we were to set a date for next year, there is the possibility that one or both of us will be either just finishing up our thesis or still in school.  We plan on moving back to the east coast after finishing, and have already started looking for postdoc positions.  Research is so unpredictable that even though my boss and I think I should be able to graduate between June and August, there definitely is no guarantee, and my FI still has no idea when he will finish.  My fear is that we will be stressed by wedding planning and trying to graduate/moving across the country AND possibly have to live on separate coasts for a little while.
I need advice on if we should just plan it for next year and try to go with the flow or plan the wedding for 2 years from now when we'll both be done with school  and be able to enjoy the planning without the added stress of an upcoming thesis defense? 
Also, I am unsure of how hard it would be to plan a wedding from across the country.  Anyone have any advice.  I have my family back in CT who are MORE than willing to help plan.

LauraT25

I am not usually one to tell people to wait because of grad school, but since you're this close to finishing, I think you should.  Obviously you can do whatever works for you, but we knew that we either wanted to get married well before either of us defend, or after we are settled into post-doc positions.

The main reason that I feel this way is because the unpredictability of scheduling anything.  If it was just one of you, I would say you could pick a date and if it ends up being incovenient, you can push back the defense a month or so in most cases.  But you're talking about finishing up your research, writing, committee meetings, finding post-doc positions, interviews...for TWO people.  It's going to be very hard to pick a wedding date and then plan your wedding, particularly long distance, with that much going on.  Even though your family is willing to help, there will still be a lot of decisions that the two of you will need to make and it's so much to handle.

Again, if you think that you can be super-organized and that both of your committees are willing to be flexible with scheduling, maybe it's possible.  But it seems like adding stress at a time when you certainly don't need more.

diamondx423

If you really do not want to wait the two years, I say don't, but it is going to be stressful planning the wedding. There are several people in my lab who thought they'd finish in the fall of their 6th year but didn't end up finishing until June/July of the 6th year. Its really just so up in the air that putting it off might be for nothing.

Good luck looking for post-docs! I hear its very difficult (at least in biochemistry/structural biology), and I'm very grateful I'm no where near ready for that.