s/o: work/ family balance?

aggiebug

SO I posted in another thread about not knowing what to do when I have kids and I thought it could be a thread of its own.

so have you thought about work/life- work/family balance? 


I struggle with this almost daily.  I am going to be a dr (dvm not md) in less than 10 months and I feel that title carries responsiblity and I owe a lot to my fantastic education.  But I was also raised with a stay at home mom and can't imagine working when I have kids.  I still have no clue what I will do when we actually do have kids.

what do you think you will do?

LauraT25

I've thought about it a lot. In an ideal world, I would be able to be a SAHM at least until my kids are in school, but I'm just not sure I can take a break from my career that long, or that my husband will be making enough money to support something like that.  I think it's one of those things I'm not going to feel comfortable deciding until it's right on top of me, and there's still a few more years left before I can think about having kids!

rrmeyer

I'm going to school to be a teacher and therefore I cannot see myself being a stay at home mom.  Not that I wouldn't love to, but I just don't think that its for me. BUT I will do everything in my power to make sure that my children attend school at the same school where I teach.  This way we can go to school together every morning and leave school together everyday, AND I can see them a time or two throughout the day in passing.  The only problem I see with this is when it comes to school events that take place outside of school, such as family nights.  Am I going to be roped in to working these events and not REALLY get to spend that time with my kids or is my school going to accept that I am a parent of children that attend the same school and I would like to spend that time with them!! Which is what it is for.

orangespiders

For the last 3 years I have gone to school full time, worked full time, and been a mom. Plus I do some volunteer work. Granted I only have one child, it hasn't really been too much to handle. She is always involved in a sport or cheerleading. When you are a mom you just make it happen. My phone is programed with timers so I don't forget anything but when you live like that you need all the help you can get. Who is to say that a SAHM is any better or worse than a working mom. If you are commited to your family you'll make it happen. It is a struggle to keep balance but what else is there to do in life? Wish that you had someone elses? Or spend the rest of your life wishing you had done something different? I say go for it! We are women, hear us roar!!!

LauraT25

orangespiders -

I agree that you can still be a good mom and not be a SAHM.  I highly doubt it's something I'll be able to do (stay at home) but that won't keep me from having kids!  I'm glad that you've been able to juggle so much, it gives me hope and confidence for my future

kdm06c

I, just having a baby, have thought about this a lot! It depends on what my FI does. If he goes into the Air Force as planned, I will probably be a SAHM until our son goes to school. If he doesn't join, after I graduate I will find a job and then my FI will go to school so he will take care of our son during the day while I work then he will go to class at night! 

KatyRoseM

It seems like Fi might do the staying home thing, or working less.  Or we would work for the government, and they generally have at work day care programs.  He would be more happy being a SAHH/D so that would be the plan (or he would have a government job, probably working fewer hours than I will).

aggiebug

orangespider very good points and bravo to you for accomplishing so much.  I am just not sure that I want to have a family and being a working mom. 

I had always thought I would SAH until my kids got into school.  Then my mom said something that has stuck with me for a very long time- She said she felt she was needed at home when we were in jrhigh/hs than when were were in preschool or  elementary.   (I want to clarify that my mom has no issue with wether I am a SAHM or not, and this was not said to influence my decisions).  I think it struck such a cord with me because I know she is right.  Yeah I remember her being a room mom in elemenary school but I really remember how much she was there in Jr high.  I also realized how little prodding she had to do in my life because she heard everything when she took my friends and I home from school everyday.  A nosey mom that didn't appear to be too nosey

I am by no means saying being a working mother is bad, or that a SAHM is that much better.  I just am struggling with what is right for me and my family.  I am 100% confident that I could be a SAHM and not regret losing my career. 

TriSaratops10

aggiebug - excellent question and one that I have been pondering/mulling/thinking about for a very long time.  As an md, esp one at the start of her 5 yr residency, it is really hard to think about giving up a career that took 9 years out of college or 13 after HS up.

At the same time, my parents are both mds and were very busy throughout my school years, it was tough to see parents paged away from school plays and stuff -- I vowed to myself to try not to do that.  Don't get me wrong, they are and were excellent parents, just very busy ones!

Fortunately, I fell in love with a specialty (radiology) that once you go up the "ranks" is very flexible (can set up a reading room at home and read studies from home) - but I'm finding myself drawn to IR (interventional radiology) where you have a surgeon's lifestyle, so being on call 24/7 is common.

I am also fortunate that FI is an md in ENT, which although is a surgical specialty, is a much more "mild" specialty so he can tailor his life a little more to being home as well.

So all in all, I think FI and I will divide our time being at home - so for a segment of our children's lives I'll be a SAHM and for another FI will be a SAHD (hehe!)

It is definitely a tough subject to decide on now - so rightly or wrongly I am sort of operating on a day-by-day basis - esp now that I'm an intern working 80hrs/wk! haha - just trying to survive!

TriSaratops10

mad props to you orangespider!! That has to be very difficult, but I've heard a lot of moms (and dads) say you just shift your priorities when kids come into the picture, hopefully energy comes too?? hahaha!

fpaemp2011

We've decided that I'll work until the first baby, and then I'll stay home and we'll either homeschool all of our kids until graduation, or if FI ends up at a church that has a school and they'll allow me to teach there with a tuition reduction or (in our dreams) elimination for our kids, then I'll go back, but only after all the kids are in school. 
 
With FI's pastor salary and my teaching salary, we wouldn't be able to afford private school even if I did go back, and we would be on one salary when the first one hit school age if we still have younger ones at home. 

FI and all of his siblings were homeschooled by their mom K-12 and are all well-adjusted, socialized adults.  I went to public school K-12 and refuse to expose our kids to that  (and I was in a very small, very conservative Appalachian town).

aricherry

Well 1st off CONGRATS! Second, I have never thought that staying home or working were a big deal... My parents both were teachers and worked, and as I got older I was glad that they were not around all the time.  bvbvIBbbb...(that was my son)  I am a stay at home mom and I love it, but once I graduate, I'm OUT. I am going to ork so fast and I will not look back.  I have worked before as a mom, and I do not see much difference, I do not feel guilty, my kids enjoy going to daycare and being away from home.  I hope u figure things out.

TheLordsCanary

My fiance and I have talked about this before and I really want to be a stay at home mom. I have no problem with people choosing either way, it's just what I have always wanted to do, especially since I want to homeschool my kids. Plus, that way my teaching degree won't just be sitting around gathering dust; I've always liked that I could put it to use in homeschooling.