Grad School Plans After the Wedding

NicOutdoors

Anyone feel like they are compromising their Grad School plans because they are getting married? my FI is SUPER encouraging of me continuing my education, which as a teacher is required to keep my license, and he has a PhD. But he's also 10 years older than I, and he had the opportunity to selfishly pursue his goals without having to worry about starting a family.

I didn't see it as an issue when he proposed, and talking with him he is fully supportive of whatever I choose, but I find myself sticking with the same topic of study as my Bachelors when looking at my Masters because it means less school (by a year or two). I have been wanting to swtich my focus of study slightly but it would mean like I said, one or two more years of school instead of simply 1 with the previous topic.

Anyone else have this same issue? That you are subconsiously changing your plans because you find family important? We want to start our family within the next 5 years, and if I spend 3 or 4 of those in school, it will really limit what we can do and our 'alone' time before having children thrown into the mix.

I'd love to hear your guys' advice and your own response to similar delimas..... : o)

amgrossman

Sort of... but not really...

My FI and family tried to push me into getting my MBA, which I could of done in one year and for free. I would've had my masters May 2012. 

Despite it being free and all that I decided not to because I am just not interested in more business classes (I am graduating with my BA in Management in two weeks). So, in a year or two I will apply to the only school in the US that I can get a Masters in Canine Sciences, which is what I really really really really (you get the idea) want! Its a part time program so I can work full time and possibly even start a family before finishing... and my thesis could take years for it depending on what I decide to do. 

So my advice is to go for whatever will make you happy!! I know if I did the MBA I would be miserable and I wont help me get the kind of job I want. Think about what your job and family goals are and do what you can do to reach them. 

JCM10

My FI are getting married in Jan. of 2012, and I'll finish my M.A. in May 2012. I chose a degree program from a good school that is available online. That way, I'm able to still work full time and go to school. He's going to look at doing the same type of program a few year after we're married. We're not planning on starting a family for 3-5 years, so we probably will only have a year or two when neither of us is in school. I don't feel like I'm sacrificing time with FI because I'm in school though...I still see him almost daily. Sure, sometimes I go to his house just to study, but it's still us spending time together, and I'm okay with that. FI and I would end up with TONS of hobbies if we had 2 years of "alone time!" We're so used to working and going to school that it's not a big deal anymore

alliesono

The way I figure it, you'd be busy if you had a full time job or if you were a full time student. I don't think being in school will limit your "alone time." I'm currently working on my Ph.D., and still will be for another 1.5 years at least after I'm married.

But utlimately the choice is yours. I say do what you're passionate about, and things will find a way of working themselves out.

bethsmiles

You can't blame him or your marriage for you choosing to not peruse your academic interests especially if he is supportive of any decision you make. You need to talk to him about this, not us.

DramaGeek

It never occurred to me to put my education on hold.  We got married in Dec 02, I graduated with my BA May 03 and started grad school June 03.  I graduated with my master's in May 04 so you can imagine what our life was like that first year-18 months.  H was working nights which made it just that much better.  We would frequently go 4-5 days without seeing each other.

However, it was for a season and greatly improved our options and our quality of life.  My career opportunities would have been majorly limited had I stopped after my BA.

I guess you just have to decide which is more important to you - "alone time" (and honestly, as long as he works normal hours you will see him and have some "alone time," maybe even more so than if you were working a full time job) or pursuing the degree you originally intended to pursue.

Excited2BeMrsJB

I am in a similar situation. My FI and I are both graduating this year with our Bachelor's it has always been in my plans to continue on with my education (I've always wanted that DR title :P)  He is involved in sports management and is hoping for a job with a baseball team meaning that he could essentially be placed anywhere in the United States- I had a huge decision to make- did I want to go ahead and apply to grad schools knowing that I could end up being hours and hours away from him, or do I give myself a year to get settled where ever his job takes us and attend next year? After thinking about it for a long time I decided I wanted to take the year off- so yes, I am sacrificing my grad school plans, but I don't think of it that way. I am instead allowing myself time to do the things that need to be done for our future to play out the way we had always imagined it doing.
If you want to make a major change- then make it- it won't add but so long and you will be happier in the long run- yes, you may have less time together before starting your family, but if you don't choose the education you want you could regret that for a long time. Do what makes you happy, I'm sure he wants you to be that way :O]

Pesapenny

As a teacher, you have a lot of options! You can do online courses at your local university, or you can enroll in Masters programs which run over the summers. Or, you can do it part time (one class a semester). I'm a teacher too, and I went ahead and got my Masters in a year. If you're working now, why not take a leave of absence so you can pursue your Masters (providing you have tenure) in a year? Also, your district may offer classes through their professional development center (although be careful with those as they don't transfer if you move districts). Either way, depending in which state you live, you have to get a Masters within five years anyway for professional status! Get it done, you'll be happy you didn't put it on hold. I'm planning my wedding and in a continuing graduate program in educational administration, and it's working just fine for us- education really opens up your career opportunities!

This isn't 1950 and you should pursue whatever academic course you want. Grad school isn't really a major life change if you work it right!

Also, Masters degrees are either 30 or 60 credits- so I'm not sure why you think you would be in school for 3-4 years.

Smendes312

I am currently getting my masters (Master of Public Administration), and I am engaged. By the time I get married, I will still have about 4-5 classes left and my fh is super supportive. I could not ask for more! 

If you fh is supportive, I do not understand why you are worried. 

lrob425

I'm in a similar situation as alliesono. I finished my Masters last summer and now working on PhD. I'll have probably 2 more years after I get married in Feb. He's thinking about getting either a Professional Engineering or MBA. It has never occurred to either one of us to not advance our degrees because we are getting married.

My personal opinion is that if you WANT to get a Masters, that's what you should do. Since you will be married, finances are something that need to be discussed. But I don't think that marriage and family should stop you from pursuing what you want to do. If you want to do it, and it's important to you, you will be able to do both school and family.

Grad school is definitely time consuming, but it doesn't occupy my every moment. I still find the time to spend with my love and my family.

soprano19

We're getting married in July 2011 and I'll be starting an M.M. (Masters in Music) program in fall 2011. It has taken us several years to reach an agreement on whether or not I should go to grad school, when that should happen, where I should apply, etc. FI was uncomfortable with the idea at first, not because of the cost or the possibility of moving, but because of the time factor, particularly in the evenings. Once he became more familiar with the performance world and the business side of things, he started to see that it wasn't as bad as he thought. He also realized that it's something I love to do and could never give up completely, and over time he has grown extremely supportive. He even helped me make my audition recordings to send to the schools and encouraged me to apply wherever I wanted, which was a big step for him.

The application process has coincided time-wise with wedding planning, and the more I've been working on both at the same time, the more I've seen my priorities take more of a concrete shape. I've made some compromises in my performing schedule, something I've resisted doing until now. I've also set career goals that are attainable for me and would allow me to do what I love, while still being compatible with the life I want to have with FI and our future children. That, I think, is what put his mind at ease the most––knowing exactly where I want to go with my career as opposed to having it be open-ended. I do feel a little bit like I'm compromising, but isn't that what makes a healthy marriage? He has also done his fair share of compromising and showing a lot of support for something that to him is unfamiliar and a little bit scary.

I have tons more to say on this subject, but this post is already really long and doesn't entirely sum everything up. You can PM me if you want to talk more about it, though.

jfg4u4

It can be difficult I've been struggling with this too. like one of the other girls i've always wanted my PhD but my fiance is military and we don't know how long we will be anywhere. I'm having to make decisions on what to do for schooling. its tuff. at least he is supportive I know with me and my fiance that has made all the difference in the world he was looking up grad programs near our base as soon as he found out where he would be... so sweet

NicOutdoors

Thank you all for the input!

We are the fulltime caregivers for his parents who live with him, which also puts a crimp on things. It'll take 3 ish years because I want my Masters in something that I didn't get my BS in, so i essentially have to first get a diffrent bachelors and then get my Masters, and redo student teaching and all the other teaching episodes because its at a different level (Middle Childhood Math and SS instead of Secondary SS- so all education development classes must be re done, all Methods classes must be redone, my math classes are outside the 5 year limit so I have to either test out hopefully or re take them...the list goes on and on!)

The FI is a very optomistic person but not much of a realist : o) Spoke with him again, and have decided to keep with the same area of study as before, but am going to take generic Masters Classes first, and topic specific after the first semester which gives me a bit more leeway to change my mind if I really want to Starting classes 5 days after the wedding : o) Wish me luck!