Opinions Please!

desimarae

Hello! I haven't posted on here in the past few months because of grad-school craziness, but fiance and I are dealing with conflict in the family and I could really use any fellow bride input you would be willing to give! The story would be super long, but I would love to hear your thoughts about the following situation: Have you heard of a couple having a smaller wedding ceremony (such as close family and bridal party only) and a larger reception (extended family and friends) all in one day? What situation(s), if any, do you think this is ok? Any advice on how to address such a situation with family and friends? Thanks a ton!

mamboqueen

yes and yes. Most people prefer going to just the reception anyhowBook a small church that only hold as many people as you want at the ceremony.

JKohio

Yes! Book a tiny ceremony spot to accommodate only the group you wish to include. I don't think it's a big deal at all. I don't think there's a particular 'situation' where this would or wouldn't work. (What issues are you having?)As for explaining to family/friends, simply let them know that the ceremony will be a small, private one (immediate family only, or along those lines), but that you'd love to have them help you celebrate at the reception. You'd have to have two separate kinds of invitations printed -- one for those invited for both ceremony and reception and another for reception-only guests.

desimarae

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} Thanks a bunch for the input so far! I will try to explain our situation in cliff-notes fashion, but as with most family situations there are many additional factors playing into our circumstances.  Background:  Last winter my fiance and I started planning our June 2010 wedding.  We got the go-ahead and financial backing for a small budget wedding from parents at that time (including approval of small-ish guest list-- about 90 people).  My fiance is a new teacher with no savings built up yet and I am a student with more loans than I know what to do with, so we greatly need and appreciate the financial support.  We had a few disagreements with my mom about planning this past summer, but I thought things were resolved.  Current Dilemma: This past weekend I went home for the 1st time since being back at school to celebrate my fiance's birthday with both our families.  On his birthday, there is a large disagreement with my mom which started with her telling us that she is no longer financially supporting our wedding because of a long list of problems she has had with our planning and because she can't bear to tell another one of her friends or family members that they aren't invited to our wedding.  We certainly aren’t blameless in this situation, but I had hoped she would have come to us to try to work out these issues before pulling the financial plug on our wedding.  There is more to the situation than what is described above, but right now we are just looking for a reasonable compromise.  My fiance and I are still trying to hold onto our intimate wedding ceremony  by making it family and bridal party only (the most important part to us) while still trying to please my mom by having a larger reception with extended family and friends.  However, the last thing we want to do is have a wedding that will be considered rude in the eyes of our guests.  This scenario hasn't been presented to my mom yet, because I wanted to make sure that the etiquette would be ok.  If you read through all of that, wow thank you!  Again, I really appreciate your input.  Right now we are kind of at a loss about what to do.

hollsmv

I think having a small wedding & large receptioin is perfectly acceptable!  Sorry your mom is making things difficult for you - I swear, weddings bring out the worst in families sometimes!  too much drama, haven't we all experienced it :)As for doing a small wedding/large reception I am not so sure that will save you money.  In my experience, it's the reception that makes the costs skyrocket.Try having an afternoon reception, or a Fri/Sun event. those are money savers.Good luck!

jwolfberg

Yes we are doing exactly that!   We want the cermony to be personal and because we have created an extended family of friends we are having certain friends and select family at the ceremony and a great chic party for the reception.   it is hard for me to say this because i am a people pleaser and tend to let my wants get pushed aside by every one else's but do what will be memorable for you!   your family some times has to take a backseat to what you want.   and believe me my FI and I are no strangers to family drama... we have certain people that have to sit at opposite sides of the room w/ their backs to one another to prevent run ins!!

yesican220

We have some unusual obstacles between our family - and are paying for the wedding ourselved - but didn't want to upset either family - so we are getting married in the morning - all invited - and having a lunch reception immediately following.  In the evening for out of town guests and close family - we are getting together at my sisters house - for more of a cookout atmosphere.

AmberBride1

Nice that your mom is putting up some money for the wedding, but is she funding the entire thing?  Seems a bit rude to force extra people on you.You could always have your videography crew set up a live web-cast to broadcast the ceremony to somewhere that the other guests can watch it.  It's slightly tacky, but at least they would be invited to share in the moment.  Otherwise it just sort of sounds like you're inviting them for the gifts but didn't care to have them be witness to your moment.  Sorry, that's probably not what you're hoping to hear- but I can only imagine what the guests would think when they get a reception-only invite.  On the plus side, I'm sure it's not unheard of.Hang in there, and stand up to your mom if needed.  It's your wedding, not hers, and I imagine you're still paying for over half of it.

desimarae

Thanks so much for the insight and advice.  My mom isn't paying for the whole thing but she was our biggest contributor before she pulled out.  She has been out of town for her work, but I am hoping we can talk again soon and try to figure something out.  My fiance and I are also considering having two ceremonies (one small outdoor and a large indoor), which his sister did at her wedding and it worked out well.  And then it wouldn't seem like we were just inviting people for a gift (and I agree that to some it may come off that way).  Or we may stick with the small all around and just find a way to make it work financially, and we are having a lunch reception to cut down on costs.  Again, thanks a lot for the input.