venting out my frustration...

Maribel32

I have two weeks left to finish my undergrad career, five months for the wedding, and stressing for a job. So as you can all tell I am bit stressed.

I have been engaged for the past year (been together for three years) and am really excited for the wedding, but I recently found out some details about my FI that, well, have made me feel unsure and confused. I knew since day one that he was very sexually active when he was younger (he's ten years older than me), but last night he gave an exact number and it's way more than I thought (like more than the double of what I thought). I can't help but to feel intimidated and to top it off, turns out he slept with a friend of mine (before he and I got together, but since I had my suspicions I asked him and he denied until last night). Still, I don't know how to exactly take this. I mean I knew what I was getting myself into, but these details are killing me. I am trying to convince myself that well that's the past, and I'm his present, but somehow the past always seems to come back and haunt. =/ I definitely don't need this extra drama during finals week! 

ammbcince

I have dealt with the same type of think with my fiance and I learned either you get over it or you will ruin your relationship. If you can't find a way to move past something that happened when you weren't together, how can you spend the rest of your life with this person. That's how I got through it. I knew that if I love him, his past doesn't matter. I can't chage what happened before we were together, but the present and future were mine.

SteveandKris

I'd be slightly concerned, simply because he denied the exploit with your friend until last night.  How can you be sure that last night's confession is the complete truth?

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_venting-out-frustration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:684Discussion:cc8f76da-2714-4fa9-b9e4-6cff4f590777Post:a527e76d-363b-4688-988f-83c1912ad2af">Re: venting out my frustration...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd be slightly concerned, simply because he denied the exploit with your friend until last night.  How can you be sure that last night's confession is the complete truth?
Posted by SteveandKris[/QUOTE]

This.

It seems this goes beyond his past sex-capades, and my concern would be him lying to you. Either he's been lying to you this entire time about his hook-up with your friend (sidenote: has your friend admitted to it? or denied it?) OR he lied to you last night. How did it even come up?

I know that being with someone who was very active previously can be quite astounding. My FI was a bit a of a rover, too, but has since settled down - he just needed to hit the "right" place in his life to get into the mindset of settling down... I have no doubts that he is faithful and is no longer looking for anything but our long-term future, but as a bit of a prude myself prior to meeting him, sometimes it's hard to stomach knowing how he used to be.

The key for me is knowing just that: it's how he <em>used</em> to be, before we met, before we dated, before we got engaged - it's not how he is <em>now</em>.