23 too young? I don't feel this way (long)

TaraC22

Im just slightly venting about everyone who feels 23 is too young to get married. I have been on other blogs and boards lately, and all sorts of ladies over the age of 30 feel that when you are younger than 30, you are too young to marry. Really?

I am 23, a full time student, finacially independant for the most part (parents only helping slightly) I have a very stable and well paying job for my age, my FI and I handle all of our bills together, pay rent on an apt. together, and have already saved $6000 in a joint account. They have also mentioned that planners and vendors won't take younger couples seriously, I have had ZERO problems with being taken seriously thus far. It may be due to the fact that my FI and I always go into a meeting knowing exactly what we are looking for, and we make decisions very promptly, and we make them together, but again we have had no issues.

It is also a slight peeve of mine when other students complain about not being able to handle finals and marriage at the same time. In my own thoughts, if you were not ready, why did you decide to do it? I too often feel like most people see women my age as only thinking as far as the wedding, not as far as the marriage itself. I realize that many younger brides make it all about "the big day", and yes, I am very excited for our wedding day myself. I have also realized what all goes into  marriage though, and we have both realized our responsibilities and duties as husband and wife. If you fully realize what you are getting into, is it still fair to be classified as too young just because of your age? Marriage is about combining your lives, taking on life's responsibilities side by side, putting eachother first and doing your best to understand one another.

I know in my mind that I am young, but I also know that I am not naive. It is going to be hard, there will be bumps in the road, you will have days when just the sight of the other person irritates you , but it will also be a great adventure if you both fully realize what it is truly about in the end. And side by side it will be better than standing alone.

Does anyone else my age feel this way? Are you tired of being classified as too young to know what you want, when you look around and see that you seem to be more pulled together than people twice your age?? I find it just a tad frustrating myself. And no, I don't feel like I know everything, But I do know that I have made the right decision by saying yes to the man of my dreams.

jviesetnz

I am 21 and will be getting married when I am 23. I have friends who got married at 18, 19, and 22 and 4 at 23. No I don't think you are too young. Some people just know what they want and when they want things to happen. I have been with my fiance for six years now and we see no need to wait. Our graduation from college together seems like the perfect time to get married, get jobs, and get a house for the first time!

No need to stress, people will always tell you that you are too young. I was told that 26 was too young.. haha I don't think so at all!!!!

leoraanna

I am 22 and we are getting married in the fall when we are both 23 and graduated. I graduated in December but FI is still in school until this December. I haven't had this yet, except for one co-worker who just does it to bug me. I am sorry that people are giving you such a hard time. We really haven't had much of a problem with things at all but I think that we seem older than we are so people don't think about it. I really don't think there is a such thing as the right age to get married. I really think it depends on the couple and the situation. Averages for married ages change every year so what is too young this year was old 5 years go, you know what I mean?

heathyygirl

I'm 20 and getting married this summer. I know how you feel with the whole too young thing. I'm so tired of the looks I get when people find out I'm engaged and find out how old I am! My opinion is that those people do not know my relationship with my fiance, and most of them don't even know me on a personal level. So they don't know how emotionally mature and ready I am for marriage, only me and my fiance know that.
I totally get the feeling many  people assume that I am just excited about having a wedding, which is so untrue. I acutally preferred a small wedding with maybe 20 to 40 people, however, my mom is the one who has turned it into a huge production! But I'm happy to sit back and let her plan a huge wedding while I await the married life!

P.S. As for mixing wedding planning and finals week, come on ladies! Can't the wedding be put off for just one week? You can always spend the next few planning as much as you want!

NatandIsaac

There are 18 year-olds on this board getting married, and that is pretty scary in my opinion. But there is big difference between 18 and 23. Sure 23 is young, but I don't think that it's too young, and it sounds like you've got your life together. Good luck to both of you.

hckaczyn

I'm 21 and I'll be married when I'm 22. I'll have a degree and so will my husband. I live in the South, and it's pretty normal for people to get married either right out of college or just before. Not a single person, including our families, co-workers, and church members have said a word to us about being too young or not ready, even though we don't know exactly what's going to happen to us career-wise after graduation. We'll figure it out together. That's all that matters.

I know I don't feel too young to get married. I've been with FI for 5 years and getting married after we graduate college is the perfect time for us to start our lives together. I have completely confidence in this decision. Most people I know that are married got married at this age and it's completely normal.

I am sorry that people feel that early 20s is too young t get married, but I don't care. That doesn't affect me or my decisions at all. I think, if I wasn't married when I turned 30, I'd feel too old. I want to have kids by 30. I don't see any point in putting off my life until a certain age that people tell me is more appropriate.

It's all about people's individual values and opinions and shoudn't have any bearing on your life.

alinkchicka

I am 25 getting married at 26 and I havn't really experienced anyone telling me I am too young but then again my fiance and I have been together for 9 year which will be 10 when we get married.  I think that the people who think you shouldn't get married before 30 are either very sacred of commitment and relationships failing or they are almost jealous. Sorry if that makes someone mad don't yell at me!  I am also one who worries about relationships failing.  My fiance and I are both from divorced families split up by cheating.  I can only think of two friend whos parents are still married.  I mean that doubt is everywhere.  I believe that you just have to know and trust in your relationship and then age doesn't matter.

MelanieK2011

This has been discussed ad nauseum on this board - you should definitely check out previous threads to see what other people have to say about it.  Personally, while I think that being ready to get married happens at different times for different people, many studies have shown that marriages are less likely to end in divorce when brides are older and have more education.  When people are telling you that you're too young, they're probably not trying to make you feel bad, but are just genuinely concerned for you.  (Not to say that isn't annoying or rude, though!)

ipwtfa91

I think it's hilarious when people say other people are too young to get married. Oddly enough, NO ONE has brought up age to FH or I, and I am currently 18 and he is 20. We will be 20 and 21 when we get married.

I guess the reason no one has given us a hard time is that everyone expected it, and everyone knew it we were one of the couples it would actually work for (knock on wood).
Our families are really supportive. There are some skeptics, of course, mainly the people that say, "Why not wait? You've got your whole lives ahead of you..."



That comment drives me insane. Life is a gift, not a sure thing. I could die tonight and then no, we really wouldn't have the rest of our lives. Life is too short not to be as sweet as possible, and for us that means getting married, buying a house and making it a home, traveling a ton, getting pets, and having kids.

A little background on us: known each other since ages 9/10.
First hung out at 13/14, first kissed at 13/15. Hung out with him occasionally freshman year, and he practically lived at my house all of sophomore year. Started dating the summer between that year and the next. I graduated at 16 (birthday is in July), and had a shocking miscarriage (we'd only been having sex for a few months and used protection 100% of the time, so if it wasn't already scary enough it was also a total surprise...took me a while to recover from that). In August I moved to college in CA. We were in an LDR for a few months, then moved in together. We shared chores, made meals together, and LIVED WITHOUT A DISHWASHER. IMO, that's one sure way to know if your relationship will last or not. Haha!
Moved home for financial and academic reasons. Backpacked through Europe for 7 weeks, got engaged during that time (just after two years of "official" dating, three of unofficial), and now he is working and I'm in school full time.
I will be graduated with my bachelors degree in psychology at the end of spring quarter next year, and we're getting married that September.

Are we young? Yes. Will we grow and change and learn? Yes.
But the thing is, we've already grown and changed so much together, and we've also gone through a lot of things together like the miscarriage, operations, long distance, sharing a tiny MIL unit in a sketchy town, and hauling our sweaty selves and tons of bags through Europe.
I wouldn't be so ready to marry him if we hadn't had so many different and educating experiences together.


I think a lot of high school sweethearts get married to play house, or because they want babies or they already have one. It seems ideal but they rush into it blindly, and yes, I think that is stupid.

We know each other. We've had fights and off days, but at the end of every day we still want to be together. We're paying for our wedding and honeymoon 100% (but to be honest, if his parents offer to help with the honeymoon we wouldn't say no because a two week trip to Greece isn't cheap and who doesn't have something to do with extra money? Like student loans...ugh!), we're slowly growing our house fund, and we love each other more every day, as cheesy as that sounds.


Overall it comes down to a case-by-case basis, but sometimes age really is just a number.

lililuvsrocky

I agree with the previous posts and trust me I have experience that and they have even asked me "are you sure you want to get married?" my fiance and I have been together for 4 years and living together for 2 so I believe that people really don't know what couples go through and some couples might be stronger than others and for us we're one of those copules and I know the previous post feel the same way I don't think 23 is too young we are having a traditional catholic wedding and we will both be 22 when we'll be Mr & Mrs. and I believe that if you really love eachother then age isn't a factor if you're willing to commit this person for the rest of your life

jrpetrik

No, it's really not ...

"First, let's take a closer look at that term "early marriage." While it's true that teenage marriages are a significant predictor of divorce, it turns out that marriages of people in their early to mid-20s are not nearly as much at risk. According to a 2002 report from the Centers for Disease Control, 48% of people who enter marriage when under age 18, and 40% of 18- and 19-year-olds, will eventually divorce. But only 29% of those who get married at age 20 to 24 will eventually divorce—very similar to the 24% of the 25-and-older cohort. In fact, Hispanics who marry between the ages of 20 and 24 actually have a greater likelihood of marital success (31% chance of divorce) than those who first marry at age 25 and older (36% chance of divorce).

Further, a recent study by family scholars at the University of Texas finds that people who wed between the ages of 22 and 25, and remained married to those spouses, went on to experience the happiest marriages. While the authors caution against suggesting that 22 to 25 is the optimal marrying age for everyone, their finding does suggest that "little or nothing is likely to be gained by deliberately delaying marriage beyond the mid twenties.""

 

 

 

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ajferree

I agree with you.  I don't think its too young at all.  I got engaged at 22 and will be 25 when we get married (him 27).  We did a longer engagement because we were ready to get engaged and make that commitment but I was also starting Nursing School and wanted to try to not mix my studies and wedding planning that much.  Like others have said I'm paying for it and will get a career out of it so why ignore that for wedding planning.  

We've kind of gotten a different feeling at least from our families.  Everyone in the family married young (19-21) and we are waiting until we are older.  But we have been together for 5 years and by the time we get married will have been together for about 7.  

Its all on a case by case basis and if people or venues treated me different just because I was younger then I don't know if I would want to be dealing with them.  If they aren't going to take me seriously when I'm looking at the place then how seriously are they going to take the coordinating of my wedding?

brit_bell90

I'm only 19, I'll be 20 in August (and next June when I get married) my fiance is going to be 26. We haven't had any trouble at all with vendors, and nobody has really thought it weird that I'm only 19 and engaged, and I was actually 18 when he asked. I guess with our situation we already seem like a married couple.

prncsz

I'm 23 and my FI is 28, when we get married we'll be 24 & 29. I have had people ask me am I sure that I am ready to get married and I am. This the person I want to spend my life with. I feel like if you and a person weren't meant to work out then whether you got married at 15 or 75 you'll still get divorced and it will end. My FI has a house already and I rent but have been out on my own since I was 18 working ful-time and attending school full-time guess I've always had that adult mentality. We are both starting graduate school in the fall. As others mentioned I also don't want to be 30 years old just starting a family. I want to be able to enjoy my children and probably two to three years after marriage we will start a family. My FI has a cousin that got married when she was 21, 26 years later she is still happily married. So age has nothing to do with it being ready.

Harleyquinnz

Well I for one know I'm too young, NOT because of my age or maturity, but my financial state and educational level right now.  I just know I'm not ready to handle a house and a husband quite yet, because we've both agreed that we won't get married until we are financially ready to move in with each other.

So here's this article I found about marriage and age that I thought you might like: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-bytes/201004/why-wait

I hope to be finally engaged pretty soon, but I'm giving him and myself plenty of time to plan for our future

jcamer7

I hear you!

FH and I are getting married in a few days and are 22.  We get it from some people, but only people not close to us. Our families are super happy and supportive! When we called and told the best man we were engaged, he said he wasn't surprised, only surprised at the timing - he thought it would be years ago!

I agree with you - many young brides don't understand the marriage. Actually, my sister was engaged when she was 26 and she didn't even get it! The marriage is what matters. We have put so much time into marriage prep courses at the church, praying together, working on our communication and doing what we can to build a strong relationship that will last. Just because we are 22 doesn't mean we cant do that.  FH parents were married when they were 20 and 22, and my parents were engaged after 3 months of knowing each other !  I just feel blessed to have found the one my heart loves so early in life. What a blessing!

lcloffredo

I'm 22 now and I'll be 23 when I walk down the isle. Does it really matter how old you are when you get married? Your confident that the 2 of you will be together forever no matter what so what difference does 23 or 25 or even 30 make? Some people think of it the other way around saying why rush? I've had people say this to me and many of them have been divorced. But those that are still married say when you know you know and there will always be a reason to wait so why not go for it?

vallgirl88

I'm 21 and will be 22 when i get married. I think if what you feel is right then you know what to do. Dont listen to what others say!! Age doesn't matter and if you wait to long ya know what would happen

botticelliangel6

I'm 23 (will be 24 next month and therefore will be 24 when we get married in January).  It all depends on your situation...

miah_23_ncb

I think it depends on the couple i know some 30 year olds that are not ready for marriage so it depends on an individula basis in my opnion. I suggest gettign premarital counseling regardless of what age

chescam

I feel you on this one. I'm 24 and finishing up my master's degree. What I didn't expect when I became engaged was people telling me that my fiance and I should wait a couple (not one or 2 years) of years before we got married. They're reasoning: you guys are so young. We've been dating for a while and know exactly what we want. So I say go for it and don't let their perceptions put a damper on this happy occasion.

AnneMargaret

All of the long-term marriages in me and my FI's families started relatively young.  His parents got married at 18, and are still married 26(7?) years later, neither went to college.  My parents got married at 22/26, after college, and are still married 38 years later (although this was my dad's second marriage - his first wife was only 17 when they got married, bc she was pregnant, and she left him ~3/4 yrs later).  My oldest sister got married at 18 bc she was pregnant, she went to night school and now has her MS and is working on her +30, and she's been married for 25 years.  My other sister got married at 21, after both finished college, then they went on to get MS degrees together, and he went on to get he phd, and they're still married 12 years later.  Then, my youngest sister waited until 27 to get married, and she's now divorced 3 years later!  So, based on my experience, I think 23 is a perfect age to get married!  (I'm 23, FI is 26, getting married in 8 days!) It just depends on the person.

Sparkles03

I haven't had any problems yet with my age. It might also have to do with being with my FI so long. We've been living together for the last 4 years and have been dating a few years longer than that. 

Maybe it's because they weren't ready at a young age, so they can't accept that you are. I have a few friends who are 30 and older who are very open minded and wouldn't judge over something as silly as a number. It's all about how mature you are. Don't let negative people get to you.

marymonroe

I am 19, 20 when my fiance Kyle and I will marry. He will be 21 at the time. I feel that age is a huge issue in my family and I struggle with them each day saying I am too young and I don't know what I want and that sort. Kyles family on the other hand couldn't be happier for us. He is in the air force and we have been together for 3 years now. If you know in your heart that your fiance is the one man you want for the rest of your life, then there should never be an age limit for getting married. If you want to feel more reassured by this, try some premarital counseling, it really prepares you for what married life is really like and shows a ton where you are maturity-wise and emotionally. Kyle and I have been doing it for weeks and it has strengthened us further. Good luck with everything!
-your fellow "young" knottie, Maryann

raw1299

i think it depends on the person. if you are a mature, responsible woman, then you have the right to marry whenever and whoever you want. at 23, your an exception that you have a higher education, no child, and a good paying job. alot of people of our generation don't have that, thats probably why other people say your too "young". my cousin got married at 23, and I will be getting married at 21 (im 20). I've had my party days(it might not of been alot, but its enough), and i want that home life, with a husband and children. which is probably what you want too.

Goff2010

I don't feel anybody can assign a set and solid age as to when everybody will be thought mature, stable, independent, etc. enough to marry. What is right for one person may or may not be right for another person, and nobody has the right to pass judgement on somebody else for that decision. Whether they are or are not, they will be the ones to reap the consequences of it. I'm marrying fairly young, but have been extremely blessed to have a supportive family and inlaws that trust both my fiance's and my judgement and have cheered us on every step of the way. You know yourself better than anybody else, and 23 is a wonderful age to marry. When it's right, it's right!

samantha buck

Im 23 and will be 24 when we get married. It is too young if you don't have your life together, but by the sounds of it you know the reality of life. : ) and who cares what other people think as long as the two of you are happy. 

Belle2Be

I think when you are in your 30's or 40's you will feel the same as those telling you to hold off awhile