Wedding Date problems

aande468

Im currently going to school, and I'm determined to finish school first. My fiancee wants to go back to school also, and I want this for him to. We have a date picked out for after we are both done with school, and some time after that to give us time to finish planning and everything else. When we picked the year we didn't realize it was also the year that his sister graduates from highschool. I feel like his parents would like us to change the year so that way it wouldn't be as big of a stressful year trying to get everything done. I don't want to start off being married having conflict with his family. So i figured that either we push the year to the next year or the year before she graduates. Although i would love to just get married right away i know that it is the best thing to wait awhile so i have time to finish what I need to get done with first. ANY ADVICE to what you would do if in this situation? Thanks

LauraT25

What month are you thinking about getting married?  If it's very close to graduation, I could see that being an issue, but otherwise I think you're fine.  It sounds like there is a while until this happens, so people have time to save to travel for both events (if they want).  For most graduations, a limited number of people can attend, anyway, so you will likely have very little overlap with your wedding guest list.  It's really up to you, but I don't think it's necessary to put off the wedding even more because of the HS graduation.

cal23x

Ask the grad if its ok...like Laura said if its not to close together I dont see the problem...

ErinlovesTim

A wedding I was in this summer actually occurred very close to the graduation of the bride's little brother. This way, out of town family could celebrate both events.

LauraT25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_wedding-date-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:db1dca4a-acfe-4221-a2e0-1b073b4c4bd0Post:59bbf1e6-ba75-48a0-b419-6ed10edea067">Re: Wedding Date problems</a>:
[QUOTE]A wedding I was in this summer actually occurred very close to the graduation of the bride's little brother. This way, out of town family could celebrate both events.
Posted by ErinlovesTim[/QUOTE]

I could see this working out, if they are planning to get married in the same place as the graduation.  But even if that's the case, I would check with the graduate to see how she feels about that - some people really don't like to share.  It also might break the bank for some people to have to give two gifts in the same weekend.

atandt33

I agree. I would just talk to the grad and the grads family about it. I am getting married in May and my sister (MOH) is graduating High School the next month. She and my parents were fine with it. I think it completely depends on the people involved.

AmeliaAndSeth8890

My brother is graduating high school the same year we are planning our wedding for. We just scheduled it for March for several reasons, but the ones that related here are: to avoid graduation by at least 2 months, to avoid prom, and to NOT have it planned for when he is starting college. I thought having him be in a wedding (both of my brother's will be GM's for my FI along with a few others) would be better before leaving high school rather than his first year of college.

Not sure if it's that similar but to me, just avoid the month or maybe few months around it and there really should be no issue. Why would you have to change YEARS for something that is one day for his sister?

Plus how much "work" will they actually be doing for either of these events? Sister will be taking care of most of her graduation stuff and you two will be planning your wedding. Will it be a year of milestones? Sure. But what year isn't really? At least in my brady-bunch family.

BarbErick

When I graduated, it wasn't a big deal except the party.  That's the only part that the parents really have to plan, and that's generally within a few weeks of graduation.  Have you actually talked to the parents and grad yet?  They might not care at all.

vicki0508

I think having both celebrations in the same year is fine.

I'm graduating law school, my brother is graduating college, and my sister is graduating high school, all in May 2011, and my wedding is in September 2011.  I never gave it a second thought.  It'll just be TONS of celebrating.

MissOwl

I have heard that having about 6-8 weeks between big events is considered enough time so that they don't feel back to back. This gives guests time to arrange for travel/vacation/days off and gives you time to have the spotlight without interfering with the graduate.

AmeliaAndSeth8890

Maybe ask them why it's a big deal? I mean, graduation parties are not that expensive nor that difficult to plan and don't last very long, in my experience. I just don't see how a hundred dollars or so for a cake and food for a grad party is that big of a deal unless they are planning to send her on some expensive trip.

 I think putting it off a whole year might make you two bitter towards his parents - even if it's just a little bit.

Also - is June that important to you and FI to wait another 12 months? If it is, then I guess the point is moot. Do what you want. But don't feel pressured because of a date or a grad party. That's my advice anyways.

Good luck!

PS My brother graduates high school that year too, and he is nothing but happy about it. He will be in the wedding though, so maybe that contributes.

LauraT25

I tend to think that graduation parties aren't that expensive, but in defense of the OP's in-laws, my husband's family does BIG graduation parties.  We actually joked that his cousin's graduation was going to cost more than our wedding - it was a fully catered event, complete with chocolate fountain, tons of booze, and fancy cake, with more people.  And don't forget that people sometimes give big gifts as graduation presents, so the parents might be buying a car or something, and other family members may usually give large checks.  So I get that it can be a financial burden.

All that being said, I think you might want to consider a different month, or tell your in-laws that you would really like to keep the date you had in mind, and that they shouldn't worry about contributing to your wedding.