Trouble with dates.

MissR10

I just got engaged in February, and currently our wedding date June 18, 2011.  This would be fine, but we found out that we would get alot more financial aid if we were married and could apply for financial aid as independents for next year (school year of 2011) which we couldn't do if we waited to get married until june.  My fiance is also in the air force reserves and he gets more money for having a dependent and they would pay for our housing expenses.

So, the thought process was to have a small family only wedding in december and then have a reception on June 18.

This would also save my parents money since my fiance and I could pay for the december wedding ourselves and wouldn't need to ask my parents for money.

However, my mom is opposed to it since it isn't a 'traditional' wedding and my relatives from another state probably wouldn't be able to make it to the actual wedding.

So, is there any advice to be given?

SteveandKris

try asking on the military brides board as well...

EDIT:  you are likely to get mixed responses, some people frown on this - but as long as you call whatever celebration you have next june a "vow renewal" - because that's what it is, you should be ok... people tend to have a lot more understanding for military brides for doing this kind of thing (although, usually when they are facing a deployment, etc...)

aggiebug

1st, I would suggest deleting your knot account and creating a new one with a different screenname.  You will get spammed with porn because of your current sn being an email.  That and there are some creepy stalkers on here and that makes you a very easy target.

and as for you original post here is my response.

I understand the reason for doing this in many cases, but yours makes me feel like its a stretch.  I feel like you need to make a choice between a small wedding sooner or forfieting the money and waiting to have your wedding later.  - I considered getting legally married now to change my name before graduation to save me $600 or so its going to cost me to get everything transferred later, but it wasn't worth it. 

In the end the choice is up to you and your family, but keep your guests feelings in mind.  A lot of family will be upset that they were not invited to the real deal, and a lot of guests may feel like you are being gift grabby. In no circumstance is it ok to hide the truth from your guests- they will find out and will be very hurt if you do. 

LauraT25

I agree with the others - if you do this, be up front about the fact that the two of you are already married.  Call it a celebration, party, even vow renewal, but not a wedding (not that you did here).  Also, I would weigh out how much you will save versus how much it means to you to get married in June in front of your friends and family.

forrma7

hey there!

ok so here's some advice coming from someone who is not going to slam you in half for considering getting married to accommodate something. me and my FI considered having a JOP wedding with just the two of us, then having a ceremony and reception later on our originally planned june date.

we decided against this because someone gave me some sound advice, and he said "no matter how much your mother says she is okay with the first ceremony, when she sees you walk down the aisle in june, she will not feel the same as she would have if you had waited". and he's right. now, i don't know if that would really matter to you, but it's something to consider.

i would pretty much advise you to get married when you really want to, the way you want to, once.

i understand that money is a big draw, but moving up your date simply for financial reasons takes away from your big day.the reason is, no matter what, it won't feel the same, and it won't be what you want. do not get married for any other reason except that is the day that you want to remember. and in the back of everyone's mind will be, "oh they're only doing this because of money."

so am i going to be able to force you to do something? no, of course not. and i don't really know you or your situation fully. but i would think very long and hard about making a decision like that. the money you save might not be worth the feelings you could be sacrificing.

LauraT25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_trouble-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:e9350cde-b90c-4ce2-81ae-41fd8e3fa364Post:716ccb82-ab90-42c6-bd3d-fa1c9e84c805">Re: Trouble with dates.</a>:
[QUOTE]... the money you save might not be worth the feelings you could be sacrificing.
Posted by forrma7[/QUOTE]

You worded what I was trying to say much better.  Again, we can't make this decision for you, so my biggest piece of advice is just to be honest to minimize the hurt feelings.

Hinaj

I  couldn't say it any better than Forrma7!!! 

Personally, a little more money is not worth scarificing the first of many that comes in a wedding and to have all your friends and families there for you.  Last year, a friend of FI told us that since we are waiting so long to get married, we should just get married in court now which will financially help us with taxes and such and later on do the whole wedding thing.  Both FI and I chose to ignore that advice because regardless of how much we could have saved, it was just not worth it.

Ultimately, the decision is up to you, but I would seriously consider what the other ladies have suggested. 

Ebattani

I have really mixed feelings about this one. My fiance is an active duty Marine and is deploying in November so we went around in circles 100 times about when to get married and how to do it. We considered the JOP before deployment and then the big VR after, waiting until after deployment to do it all, destination wedding in Hawaii where he is stationed, etc. Eventually we decided to just do the whole big wedding in October before deployment and I definitely feel really good about that decision now. I guess I'm a little confused about your situation. Is it possible to just do the whole wedding in December? I feel like there are just so many more benefits to having only one wedding. You don't have to worry about offending guests and you will be able to have all of the financial benefits. Also, I personally feel that  getting married earlier for the military financial benefits (especially when he isn't deploying..) is a little dishonest. 

miah_23_ncb

I agree w/ forma7.