father doesn't know yet..

laylaa

Hey everyone,

 I just got engaged about two months ago. I am in my last semester of college, graduating next month and heading straight to grad school. Both families are so excited about the engagement but, my father doesn't know my fiance exists and I can't tell him because it would be a religious no-no. My fiance converted to Islam, we are both taking lessons at the moment, I don't know much about the religion myself. He is going to ask my father's permission in a few weeks just so that when he does the uproar won't effect my final exams. My question is, how much planning should I do? The wedding is in August, end of August. My father is the one with the funds to pay, if he is willing, if not then my mother and my fiance's family will help out. 

I don't know how much planning to do. This is such a tough position to be in. The wedding is going forth with or without his permission but I just can't wait for my father to know all about my life..

Advice? 

Thanks and sorry for the long post.

whitneykaye87

Tell your father.  You clearly want him to be a part of everything.  IF he has a problem with your FI for his religion (hopefully not), telling him sooner rather than later will give him time to adjust to the idea and get on board before the wedding.

If the wedding is happening regardless of what your dad says, I would start planning.  Plan the wedding you can afford, and then you won't have to worry about money coming through.

nefariousmango

I agree w/ PP about planning the wedding you can afford, at least for now.  BUT I think your idea to wait and tell your dad after finals is solid.  I think Islam is a really interesting religion and, having traveled to Muslim countries, have found the people to be incredably polite and friendly, even to a woman.  Of course, here in the US you would worry about your dad's reaction.  Just be as informed as possible and try not to get emotional, even if/when he does.  Stick to how much you love your Fiance and how much he loves and respects you.

LauraT25

Like PPs said, you should plan the wedding you can afford regardless of whether or not your father will be happy.  If you wold go ahead with the wedding without his blessing, you might start planning now, but if you wouldn't, I would wait.  Best of luck!

Hinaj

Tell you Dad about the engagement.  Not for the fact that whether he will agree or disagree with you marrying your FI.  But if both sides of the family know already and he is the only one out of the loop.  It is too easy for this thing to come out and he will surely be hurt that he was the only one who had no idea.  That will probably will do more damage than whether he likes your FI or not.  I know you are putting it off because of what he might do, but you are an adult if he doesn't like your decision, that is his problem.  I say that because of how my dad would feel. 

Also, plan a wedding that you can afford without your Dad's help now so if he offers great, if not your plans can still go forward. 

alysia0615

i had a kinda similar problem. not with the religion but my dad really just doesnt think my fi is good enough for me. it was one of the hardest things to do to be there with my fi when he asked my dad. he just acts like the wedding just isnt there and doesnt exist. when i asked my mom and my sister (moh) to go look at venues with me he just walked away. i want my dad to walk me down the aisle and everything and i wish that he would except that his oldest child is getting married to the love of her life.