Being engaged in college

lissie6

Hi Everyone!

I don't know if the rest of you are experiencing this, but I am a senior in college earning my undergrad.  I got engaged this summer and I feel that the number of people my age engaged in college are few and far between.  I feel like my classmates judge the fact that I am engaged and still in college.  I also get asked how old we are and get certain looks.  Just wondering if any of you experience this too and how to handle the feeling that I'm alone in the world of crazy, single, college girls.

aggiebug

That is completely regional!  Down here @ A&M it seems like everyone is engaged as a senior if not before.  Kind of weird how that works.   Timing may be different for everyone as long as you know that you are financially ready to support each other as a couple and make real world decisions don't let their opinions bother you too much. 

FutureMrsRyan

yea - i find that its pretty normal, if not the fact that i'm behind by waiting until i'm finished with school.

i think its different all over - sorry its hard on you though!!!

jessrayne10

I am in the same boat as you. I'm a Junior this year, but still have 2 years of Grad School after I get my undergraduate. I just tell people that we didn't want to wait another 3 or 4 years in order to get married. I am getting sick of the people and their looks when we tell them that we're engaged. You just need to get past what other's think and care about you and your honey.

willeyza

I totally know what you mean.  I'm a freshman in college, but we've been together for over three years and have spent 1 1/2 years long distance....we'd like to get married before he commissions into the Army which means I'll still be in college.  People still do the "kids these days" head shake...It's irritating.  

I guess just know that you know you're ready and are doing the right thing, and everyone else can come to grips on their own time.  Weddings and college are hard enough to deal with, and you shouldn't have to stress out about the opinions of others on top of all that.  Best wishes! 

babybchbum

I agree its regional, but I do understand people judging you for ebgin engaged in college.

My thought process is, atleast I'm not ditching college to get married and I am trying to look out for our future. The more time you spend getting an education (ie undergrad, masters, PhD) the better off you are in the future; so why is it a big deal we are engaged and in college.

LauraT25

A lof of people were engaged my senior year of college, and I don't think anyone raised an eyebrow unless the couple hadn't been dating long.  I don't know anyone who got married during school, though.  Like PPs have said, you just need to tell them that you know it's right for the two of you, and just ignore them if they keep making a fuss.  Obviously you think you're making the rigt choice, so what they say shouldn't matter.  I remember telling someone a while ago, "When you know, you know, so what's the point in waiting?"

Alternatively you could quote When Harry Met Sally: "When you you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible"

Babe20

You are not alone, I am a junior in college and will get married in May of 2011. My college classmates was excited for me when I told them that I was engaged and then they asked me how old we were and I told them that I was 20 and he was 23 they was like whoah that's young to be thinking about getting married. Which I don't think it is, we are young adults, who love each other deeply, and we are not rushing, if we was we would have gotten married today instead of waiting until 2011 after I graduate, good luck with wedding planning and school!

AnneAndJJ

I also agree this is regional...but not even just that, it varies by program at my school as well!

My program has a ton of engaged students, it's fairly normal, although the demographic is a couple years older, on average, than most undergrad programs. 

Head over to Math or Engineering...ya, not so much. 

ukjenn231

I am in my last semester nursing school, and in the past 2 to 3 semesters lots of us got engaged, so I dont get that feeling.  in fact, so many people are getting engaged it apparently put the pressure on some girls to beg their guys to propose!  lol....

Dragonfly6191

I've actually been engaged since I was a sophomore in college. Here it seems like there are quite a few people in the same boat, all within different class levels. I am a senior now (actually graduating on friday!) and within my program there are quite a few people that are engaged. So it definetely must just depend on the area...I think like a PP said too, it depends a bit on the program!

SarahB89

My fiance and I just got engaged in October. He is 21 and I'm 20...we're both juniors. So far, we haven't experienced too much opposition from people...or maybe we're both just good at ignoring it! I think there actually are a good amount of people at our college getting engaged, so that could be part of it. We're very happy and very glad we have over 2 years to plan our wedding!

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yummyravioli

I'm the same as you, a senior in undergrad now, graduating in May and having the ceremony in June or July. I go to Brown University and among Ivy League students it is a pretty uncommon thing. Also, my fiancé is not from the US so I had to file a fiancé visa and we will marry and do more paperwork when it comes through later this spring so he can legally live here with me. For both of those things some people will judge me.
However, the more people know him and have seen us together, the less they think of those quantitative things and the more they see how happy we both are and are happy for us. Bring your Fi to spend time with anyone close to you who you are worried about getting the wrong impression and they should be able to see how much you care about each other and be really supportive. Don't stress, let your joy shine through, and then you will know the judgers are only jealous that you've already found the love of your life! I just think I am so lucky to be young and healthy and have so much time left to spend with the person who makes me enjoy life so much more. And very relieved to not deal with the terrible dating scene at my college, or in my future professional career, anymore!
I have noticed that people who are or can see themselves being happily married react completely differently than people who may be younger, have been witness to bad relationships, or just don't see themselves able to commit to marriage (yet). Try to be understanding about the reasons someone has adversely reacted and think about how your happy news might make them feel about their own lives. Then find gentle ways to approach it- maybe your wedding will help them discover what a wonderful thing it is to open your heart fully to someone else. If not, know that it's nothing against you or your Fi.
Lastly, all of this applies to people you know and care about! Strangers who judge you for getting married are like strangers who judge you for anything else- clueless! Focus on enjoying your journey

cutz3

Both my fiance and I are juniors in college and 21 (we are actually only 11 days apart). We got engaged 3 months ago.

While there are few engaged couples around me I defiantly have the support of my peers. I feel like most of the people respect me and my fiance. When I go home though I have had the typical "you're too young" or "you should wait until you are settled." (honestly I want to "settle" myself with him; we've done life together this far, I don't want to wait until I "know")

Kate0034

A lot of juniors and seniors at my college are engaged or even married already, so no one has seem shocked over my FI and I being engaged. I guess it just depends on what the norm is for your area. I definitely feel for you though--I would hate it if people were always judging me for being engaged. Even when you know you're doing the right thing and you tell yourself to ignore all the judgemental people, I know it's still annoying and something you hate dealing with. It's really unfortunate that people can't just mind their own business. Good luck with everything and congrats!

liz745

Its totally opposite for me. ALL of my friends are getting engaged/married at this point. But i know that its a regional thing for me. Girls get married young here. They are all surprised that we are going to wait so long (4 years). But I wouldnt let other people get you down they are only worried because they care, when they see that you will continue with school and such they will be happy for you

anskaggs

My school actually has an unofficial motto... "A ring by spring or your money back." (I've heard that from a good many other schools in this area.. even our president talked about it in the freshman oreientation brunch)  I've seen plenty of people at my school propose in the cafeteria.

I guess it really is only regional.

pooh8402

I'm at Texas A&M as well and it seems that half of my nursing class is engaged. there are 3 of us getting married May 2010, 2 getting married in June, 2 in July,  1 in September, a few that haven't set dates yet, and 1 that will be getting married within the month. and probably some more that I can't remember. 1 just got engaged last week. whew! I feel like I'm in a sorority and we should be passing a candle around or something!

DramaGeek

I also went to a college with the "ring by spring" motto.  A lot of people got engaged and/or married during college.  A huge number got married the summer after graduation.  Even so, we did have a few people look at us like we were crazy.  It's been 7 years though and so far, so good!

ktv312

I am 21 and a senior, my fiance just graduated last spring, and we're getting married in August.  I am an accounting major so virtually no one in my college is considering marriage any time soon.  My fiance has a job and I have one lined up after graduation.  We will be moving in together after I graduate and we just explain to people that we want to do things the 'right' way and get married first.  That silences anyone over age 40.  We've been together for over 3 years and all of our friends were expecting us to be the '1st' anyway. So while no one seems to be able to relate, they all understand that it's right for us.  Most strangers or classmates don't have a clue that I'm engaged.  I've had a few girls gasp and grab my left hand and ask me if I'm engaged, but I've found they're usually the most happy to hear about it.

ocprincess

I'm a senior by age, would have been graduating this May if I hadn't been stupid and transfered schools to a new college that lied to me about my transfer credits and all.  My bad.  I'm not quite sure when I will graduate, but I will still be a student when we get married in May.

No one was judging at all.  Granted, though, college #2 is a bit more trade school like, so it doesn't really have a social life, so I still hang out with my friends from college #1, which is a Christian school, so there are tons of married and engaged students.  People at college #2 tend to assume I'm older than 21...most people do, in fact, so maybe they would be more judging if they guessed correctly.

Ironically, the only place I've experenced any judging is on the Knot and the Nest.  Funny, isn't it?

Do I care?  Not really.  I figure hey, my fiance and I are happy, our families are happy, our friends are happy, our church is happy.  After that...I don't really give a darn.

brit_bell90

I'm in my first year of college, after taking a year off. If I ever mention the word "fiance" or someone sees my ring they just roll their eyes. It's annoying, I'm almost 20 and he's 25 I think that's pretty acceptable.

wednesday51

I wasn't engaged in college and I'm in Northern California so you can bet engaged college-aged women are few and far between here. Anyways, If I had a secure job in place and the money for a wedding, I would have been engaged in college and married already! 

I've known my FI since I was five and we started dating my senior year of high school. We both knew within a few months of dating, when we were both 17, we were going to get married. Of course we didn't tell anyone that (even though a lot of them assumed it) because we definitely would have gotten some looks.

I don't agree with people who get married after knowing each other very little time, especially when they're young, and I think those engagements are scrutinized for a reason---they probably won't last--- but I think most people, on here at least, have been in steady, long-term relationships and are very mature---probably more mature than the average college-aged student. And kudos to them for going to college  in the first place and not just trying to play stay at home wife straight out of high school like some girls I know.

whitney_15545

Well I started college in the Fall of 2007 and actually chose it because of my now fiance. We got engaged February 6, 2009 and will be getting October 9, 2010.  The strange thing is, I'm actually graduating spring of 2010.  I've worked my butt off taking classes nearly year 'round and taking course overload in order to graduate a year early (before I was married).  We've lived together the whole time about 20 minutes from campus and he is 4 years older than me so he's already past this stage of his life.  Although we weren't engaged the whole time we were definitely committed and knew that we would be one day so I guess I had extra time to take classes because I wasnt the typical college student partying it up. I've gotten my hand grabbed and the questions on whether or not I'm engaged by alot of girls...  And although not many people know that I am, I feel like no one really relates to me when they find out that I am! People think its strange enough that I'm graduating in only 3 years and then they hear that I'm engaged.  I do think that alot of people feel as though I'm "too young" but we're ready! The problem that we are having is that I don't have a job lined up yet (there isn't much in the area and we were planning on moving when I was done but he has a really great job here) so I don't know how much time I'm going to be able to get off for my own wedding!

kitnamy

I go to Texas A&M as well, and it seems like tons of girls I know are engaged! A lot are engaged at the end of their junior year/start of senior year, but I've known quite a few that were engaged much earlier. It's pretty normal here if you're a senior or almost a senior. The only times I've heard people make a fuss over it are when they're freshmen getting married, or if they've only been dating a few months or something. Guess it depends on what region it is!

splashmadison

I don't think the time you have known each other or the age is really THAT important.  Maturity is a much bigger factor and if two people go into a marriage with the wrong ideas of what marriage is about, well that's bad news.

I guess I am fine with age differences because my mother is 9 years old than my dad (my fiance's parents have the exact same age difference too!).  And I guess I am fine with short times together before getting married because my fiance's parents were married within 6 months of meeting each other and mine were married in almost that same amount of time.  My parents are still  happy together 24 years later and his are still happy together 32 years later. 

Age and time should be considered, but if you know that you it's the right person and  if you truly understand how serious marriage is then I think it's no problem.  

Though everyone has different views (here in Spain everyone flips out when I say I'm 20 and getting married this year) what is important, even if it sounds cliche, is that you know yourself and that you know it's right.  That's all that truly matters in my opinion...I'm a realist, not an idealist.  

splashmadison

Also, I will still be in college for one more year after the wedding, but since my fiance already has a stable job (he is 26) we didn't see much point in waiting.