Groomsman Issue....Need advice!

stoffbride10

Alright....Long post but I need advice and you need to know the whole story. My fiance has four brothers and several close friends. All four brothers will be in the wedding. He had group of four close buddies he hung out with in highschool. Hes stayed close with three of the four, the fourth moved away and they kinda drifted apart. He's asked those three to be in the wedding. The fourth person, lets call him Bob, has a brother that I was good friends with in highschool. His brother, lets call him Ted, actually hooked Tim and I up after highschool. We have remained close with Ted but not so much Bob. Well Bob recently asked my fiance to be in his wedding but none of the other guys from their group in highschool. My fiance agreed. Now to the problem.....we want to have Ted in our wedding but feel bad about not having Bob. We already have 8 groomsmen...if we add Bob, that will be 9. However, we are close with the family and dont want to make anyone upset. We dont dislike Bob its just that he moved an hour away and lives in an area where there is no cell phone service. So he dropped his cell phone and my fiance isn't a big phone talker(usually texts or emails but BOB doesn't have either) so they kinda lost touch. What would you do?

HendersonL

If you want to keep everyone happy(which is a personal choice) you will need to include Bob. It's not just because you're including his brother, but because your husband agreed to be in his wedding. I say, think about the extra cost of one groomsman. Is it worth saving that money when you may injure an old friendship and possibly make things uncomfortable with his brother?

starshine985

Personally, I don't think you should feel as though you have to have Bob in the wedding.  Even though Bob asked your fiance to be in his wedding, doesn't mean that you will have to do the same.  Can you imagine what would happen if people were asked to be in weddings simply because the engaged couple was in theirs?  Some people would end up having 10 people on one side!  Okay... maybe a little dramatic... but it makes my point.  Your fiance should choose the people that he is closest too - the people that he couldn't imagine not being there.  If Bob would have hard feelings about this, I think there are deeper issues to be considered. Good luck - I know picking my wedding party was one of the hardest decisions I had to make during the entire process!  In the end, it will all be okay 

HendersonL

Honestly, this is probably something you would be better off asking advice from your closest friend or family member. They would have a good idea of the relationship dynamics and how Bob might respond. Bob might be cool about it, but we on the internet don't know. This day is totally about you guys, but I know you wouldn't be asking for advice if you weren't concerned about others. Every bride's priorities are totally different. Remember that you can't please everyone and just have a great time.

stoffbride10

Thanks for the comments so far....I have tried the friends route and answers were biased because people are upset with Bob right now for ditching friends and family for his fiance. So I'm trying an unbiased approach and trytryinto realize he just got engaged and right now his fiance may be the first thing on his mind.

juliet1503

That's a tough situation. One one hand, I want to agree that your wedding party should be exactly who you want it to be and for that reason alone. . . the other part of me says that perhaps the stress/agravation you might encounter over NOT including Bob isn't worth it. Think hard, consider what everyone has to say, and then make a choice you feel good about. . . and STICK TO IT. For the sake of my sanity, we had to un-ask someone from our wedding (she was going through major issues in life and couldnt act like a responsible human being before, much less adding additional stress of being in my wedding). . . I haven't regretted it for a moment. In fact, she went MIA before I could even un-ask her. . . my point being, every situation/wedding/bride is different and although something is taboo (like un-asking) in one scenario, it may not be in another. You'll make the right choice in the end!