Who Gives this Woman?

mjones1010

Hi Ladies,

Just wanted to get some advice from the more mature brides on the knot.  I'm getting married for the first time in November (I'll be 46) and was wondering how you all handled the giving away of the bride.  Our officiant asked us the other day about what, if anything will be said after my dad walks me down the aisle.  Is it still appropriate for him to ask "who gives this woman"?  I've been on my own since I was 22 so I wasn't sure if this still applied.

Any input would be appreciated.

Thank you.

maglinpa

I was 45 when I was married in January and I have been making my way in the world since I graduated from college at 21.  My Dad walked me down the aisle and when asked the question of "Who gives this woman away?" answered "her mother and I do".  That was really the only piece of the wedding that I ever thought about as I was growing up.  I always wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle in his dress blues.  My DH would not have had it any other way as well.  He is also retired military and he wanted that way out of respect for my mom and dad.  Of course my dad kept saying before the ceremony that he was going to shake my hand and kiss DH.  He's such a kidder.

Whatever feels right for you and your family.  I don't think there is any right or wrong answer.

Oh, by the way...congratulations and please tell us about your cake, shoes, dress and other details.

Lisa50

Good question.
 
I'm not sure I have a helpful answer.  From my perspective, it is never an appropriate question to be asked if an adult woman is getting married.  It was not a part of my first wedding ceremony (nor my second), although my father escorted me down the aisle. 

Did you ask the officiant what such a question might mean within the context of your ceremony?

Edited for spelling.

2dBride

I'm with Lisa50.  There was no way I was going to have anyone "give me away," although my ex-husband jokingly offered to give me away at my second wedding.  (No, just no!)

mjones1010

Thanks for your input.  I'll have to give it some more thought.

Here are a few details about our wedding: 

My dress (ivory with pewter accents).
http://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?style=V7018SA

My shoes (mine are ivory):
http://www.famousfootwear.com/Shopping/ProductDetails.aspx?p=93809&pg=1026545

We haven't selected our cake yet but have had a few tastings from our venue.  Their chocolate cake with cannoli filling is to die for but FI loves traditional white cake with fruit filling so we'll probably do both. 

Planning has been a breeze so far and all our vendors have been booked.  We're still finalizing our guest list and as soon as we narrow down the number we'll get our invitations.

This is my first marriage and FI's 2nd and we're both looking forward to sharing our day with lots of friends and family and of course, our honeymoon.  We're going to Sandals in Negril, Jamaica.

maglinpa

You're dress is gorgeous--so romantic.

Love the shoes too.  I had Nina shoes and they were really comfy. 

Ooh, cannoli filling, that does sound yummy.  Of course anything beats the Slim Fast shake I just had for breakfast.

Glad everything is going smoothly. 

MrsKathyC

I didn't have anyone "give me away".  My 24yr old son walked me down the aisle, gave me a kiss, shook hands with my FI, and then sat in the front row

cshuler

I am 45 and this is my first wedding as well. I would love for my dad to answer that question, but he past away two years before I met my FI. It is up to you and what type of relationship you have with your dad. I was and still am a Daddy's Girl from the South. And I am very proud of that fact.

Kristin789

No one does that in my area of the country.  DH and I go to about three weddings a year (we're both teachers) and I think in the last 10 years, only three weddings have had the bride still living at home while finishing college, and the officiant asked:  "Who presents this woman to this wedding?"  and the father of the bride answered:  "Her mother and I do."

Really, no one uses the phrase "gives this woman" or "gives away this woman."

lisahlucas

I am 33 days out and still have no idea who is going to do that or say what lol

retaviato

No - it's outdated. As outdated as "If anyone objects ---"

flanagan530

I just got engaged last week(first time bride) and i have a similar question.  I am 42 on my own since 20. I have an amazing 21 yr old daugher whom I would love to walk down the isle with, but wonder if that is appropriate.  My dad is a nice man although we were never really close(my parents divorced when i was 3) and just thought it would be special for my daughter. But think i might offend my dad.

CassieCA

I say walk with your daughter   At 41 (and 2nd marriage) the concept of being "given away" just didn't feel right for me.  Both parents walked me down the aisle for my first wedding (a Jewish tradition, I'm close to both parents, no wording about being "who gives"), and I asked my parents about it for the 2nd and they said to do what I wanted.  Dad said he would be a little disappointed, but that he totally understood my feeling that it doesn't feel right to me. So my FI and I will walk down together which feels right for both of us.

ellie63

I am 49 and my fianc is 60. My parents are long deceased. My fianc and I will walk down the aisle together. Oh, it's a 2nd marriage for us both

StevieSquaw

I got engaged 4 years ago and we moved so much that we never had time to have the ceremony.  It's the 2nd marriage for us both, and I'm 47 and he's 53.  My dad died 2 days after we got engaged and it's been tough on me.  I'm having my brother walk me down the aisle and my mom will speak up on the "who gives" question.  She lives with us and is a big part of our lives, and since she wasn't at my first wedding, I think it will give her pleasure.

krhamrick

I'm 12 days away. My 20-year-old son is going to give me away. It's an agreement he and I have had for many years. His request at that!

depotmode

My father passed away back in 1996, and it was an unspoken agreement that my mom would walk me down the aisle when I got married (I'm a first-time bride). I did speak to her specifically about this about a month ago, and told her flat out that she wasn't giving me away. She was okay with that...as long as she could walk me down the aisle.