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40-Plus Brides

I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....

Something that's been bugging me about the myriad issues here is how much peer pressure and/or societal pressure that now seems to be on these young brides. Some of it is the marital-industrial complex, I know. But still--some is self-induced.

Now, I've been going to weddings for decades. When I started there were little tulle-wrapped candy-shell nuts. There were plain old cardboard numbers on a stick for the table. Heh--I remember matchbooks as table indicators. Somebody had an old basket for the cards.

But the stuff that's been layered on since--programs? Card boxes for $60? Frames for table numbers? Bubbles? Cameras?

Yeah, I know...old lady yelling at clouds. But it just seems so trivial to me, and causing headaches for them. I kinda feel bad for the pressure they are under to conform.
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Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....

  • I know what you mean.  There are so many things people seem to be stressing over, and they just don't seem important to me at all.  Spike, my dad told me last week that he has a bubble machine and asked if I wanted bubbles. Haha!  I have no idea why he has one.
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  • @spike--yes, you can haz bubbles! Some of these things are fine and fun--in reasonable doses. I was considering bubbles for the little kids just to keep them entertained. But the pressure for all of it seems so intense here.

    @Lucy: OMG, you have the list down! And that is the thing--it's not just bubbles, or wands, it's the kaboodle.
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  • We can still have whatever we want! 

    I think our tastes and priorities are just different than the younger brides.

    I think they try to out do each other.  Not necessarily on the boards, but with their friends.  The wedding planning business is making millions off them!  And us to! LOL!Smile
  • I spent about $30k on my wedding...but it was my money.  I had already bought my house and instead of one use only things, I spent the funds on great food, great liquor and threw one helluva a party.     One of the biggest difference between 40 something and 20 something is the ability to say No to the hoopla and Yes to the fun. 
  • On the Second Weddings board we call it the "FLUFF" - sometimes you want it - even though we are "old enough" to know we don't NEED it. 

    And I can't help but drool and get a little wistful when I look at really nice pictures of other people's weddings where they do some of the fun or theme-y stuff that I know I don't need but yet kinda want... 

    but alas I remind myself that it is "just one day" and therefore I won't be spending my 401k! 


  • @shytownkelly--that it exactly! We know the difference between need vs. want. Bingo.  But if we want to do it, on our own coin, we can.

    I guess I wish the younger brides would be able to realize that it's not all needed. I think they are being pressured into some of it.

    On fun and themey--check out these "extreme" weddings I found the other day:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-13115485 I would never want giraffes--but I am glad for that couple it's what they wanted....
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  • I got married the first time in 1977.  (Yes, I'm way over 40!)  At that point, I shook my head over the silly traditions that people thought they "had" to have, but figured that eventually people would catch on to how silly they were.  Boy, was I wrong!  Over 30 years later, weddings have just gotten more complicated and expensive.

    Fortunately, for my second wedding, my bride and I were sensible.  We worked on having what we wanted--to the extent within our budget--and ignoring everything else.  The result was that over a year after our wedding, people are still commenting on how much fun it was.
  • I say I love that I waited to have the wedding this time around. You don't feel the pressure like when younger. The pressure is what caused me to go to the jop the first time. But something that I have experienced is bad manners and apparently it's not the young ones in my case that are the problem. We have had 3 older people question why they weren't invited!
  • im with you OP!  we debunked all that unnecessary crap.

    we have several friends/relatives who have gone into debt for their weddings.  sure, they were nice, but not worth paying for years to come.
  • OMG...everyone here has said what I have been thinking for years...why all the money for the hoopla?  Married is married.  The wedding industry and the cost is ridiculous.

    Now, I'm seriously thinking of cutting back on my 100 people, making it more like 50.

    Elegant and classy, but inexpensive.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kinda-feel-bad-youngstahs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:fa2f5c14-bccc-4948-aa49-30c020644506Post:a1a8908d-3862-490b-9e79-3350ca81ee53">Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....</a>:
    [QUOTE]My H and I paid for our own wedding and HM.  My parents ended up hosting a rehearsal dinner at the last minute b/c H's family is OOT (though we didn't actually have a rehearsal).  TBH, we spent way too much money on the damned thing but it was exactly the kind of wedding we wanted.  <font color="#0000ff"><strong>45 guests, unlimited bar, done at 11.  It was awesome.  No receiving line, bouquet toss, garter toss, and the only 'formal' dance was our first dance.</strong></font>  We actually received thank you notes from a few of our guests to thank us for inviting them to the wedding.  I 've never even thought about sending a thank you note for being able to attend a wedding!
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    This is, more or less, the approach we're taking.  Our guest count will (likely) be around 50 - 55.  Open bar ends @ 10 and we'll depart shortly thereafter.  We're turning the receiving line concept on its head -- greeting each of our guests together, once they've been seated, as the kick-off to the ceremony.
  • It seems that companies are really preying on brides. Trying to make you feel bad if you don't buy their latest and greatest wedding must have.
  • edited May 2011
    so i stumbled across this thread bc i noticed this was a new board...im not trying to cause drama but thought this was funny and posted it in the chit chat and they bitched at me and said i should post my opinion here. its not ridiculous what brides these days choose to have...a lot of the things u mentioned that were ridiculous r DIY projects and save a lot of money. little details make weddings more special, they make them stand out. so u can save ur pity bc we dont want it. we do want the little details and fun projects. thanks
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kinda-feel-bad-youngstahs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:fa2f5c14-bccc-4948-aa49-30c020644506Post:7fdc4d7c-d59c-4c87-94a1-2036294b3ac5">Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....</a>:
    [QUOTE]so i stumbled across this thread bc i noticed this was a new board...im not trying to cause drama but thought this was funny and posted it in the chit chat and <strong>they bitched at me</strong> and said i should post my opinion here. its not ridiculous what brides these days choose to have...a lot of the things u mentioned that were ridiculous r DIY projects and save a lot of money. little details make weddings more special, they make them stand out. so u can save ur pity bc <strong>we </strong>dont want it. <strong>we</strong> do want the little details and fun projects. thanks
    Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

    Cause that's totally what everyone was doing.

    And speak for yourself, Captain Save a Newb.
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  • @katelyn26: yes, dear, I'm sure you need to convince yourself of that. You are incredibly hip and deep with your nearly-legible text-speak too. We bow to your superior understanding and mastery of wedding needs.

    Come and talk to us in 10 years. Or better still in 25 when you daughter claims to need $250 for a card box.

    I was impressed by the responses in the Chat thread. They have your number.
    Retro/Vintage Inspirations

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  • Yeah, I followed her thread from Chit Chat and there is no WE katelyn. Speak for yourself. I am a young bride and I think favors are pointless and a lot of the things Lucy posted. It's actually nice to hear from the brides on here that I will not regret not having favors, limos, fancy invitations, a videographer, etc in 15 years.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kinda-feel-bad-youngstahs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:fa2f5c14-bccc-4948-aa49-30c020644506Post:01c50176-1b37-41ac-bb34-5532e018086c">Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....</a>:
    [QUOTE]@ katelyn26 : yes, dear, I'm sure you need to convince yourself of that. You are incredibly hip and deep with your nearly-legible text-speak too. We bow to your superior understanding and mastery of wedding needs. Come and talk to us in 10 years. Or better still in 25 when you daughter claims to need $250 for a card box. I was impressed by the responses in the Chat thread. They have your number.
    Posted by memSomerville[/QUOTE]
    using text talk is faster...ik when to use it and when not to. i scored very high on my act and im my major is in the school of journalism at my college. and if all u old brides are gonna do is bitch about what young brides do for diy projects and whatnot then why did u even need ur own special board or the knot at all?<div>
    </div><div>ps i cant wait to spoil my daughter and give her everything for her wedding</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kinda-feel-bad-youngstahs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:fa2f5c14-bccc-4948-aa49-30c020644506Post:33d5deef-ebe5-4e65-b364-daca4d539eca">Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs.... : using text talk is faster..<strong>.ik when to use it and when not to.</strong> i scored very high on my act and im my major is in the school of journalism at my college. and if all u old brides are gonna do is bitch about what young brides do for diy projects and whatnot then why did u even need ur own special board or the knot at all? ps i cant wait to spoil my daughter and give her everything for her wedding
    Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]


    No, I really don't think you do.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kinda-feel-bad-youngstahs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:fa2f5c14-bccc-4948-aa49-30c020644506Post:df29634e-653b-4341-90b6-ea05978a4b5e">Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs.... : No, I really don't think you do.
    Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]
    um ok except i do but it doesnt really matter how ppl talk on the message boards
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  • RamonaFlowersRamonaFlowers member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kinda-feel-bad-youngstahs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:fa2f5c14-bccc-4948-aa49-30c020644506Post:d7bdf1bb-1509-446f-93c5-9b129935ef8d">Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs.... : um ok except i do but it doesnt really matter how ppl talk on the message boards
    Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]



    But it does. If it really wasn't a big deal, people wouldn't be correcting you and saying you shouldn't do it. When on a forum like this, it's just good netiquette to use proper spelling and grammar and would only take a few extras seconds than your "txt speak".

    The only thing we have to communicate with you is your written words, and frankly, forcing people to try and puzzle out your "txt speak" when you've already been told by multiple people that you shouldn't is just rude.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kinda-feel-bad-youngstahs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:fa2f5c14-bccc-4948-aa49-30c020644506Post:3cdb0938-865b-467f-bb9c-3ba53f4e4a8c">Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs.... : But it does. If it really wasn't a big deal, people wouldn't be correcting you and saying you shouldn't do it. When on a forum like this, it's just good netiquette to use proper spelling and grammar and would only take a few extras seconds than your "txt speak". The only thing we have to communicate with you is your written words, and frankly, forcing people to try and puzzle out your "txt speak" when you've already been told by multiple people that you shouldn't is just rude.
    Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]
    whatever ur not gonna change how i speak
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kinda-feel-bad-youngstahs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:fa2f5c14-bccc-4948-aa49-30c020644506Post:4a1edee2-b537-4ca0-8a32-821cd4064ded">Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs.... : whatever ur not gonna change how i speak
    Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

    Okay, troll, I really don't have time to play with somebody that only got out of diapers within the last week. Shame on your mommy for letting her toddler playing on the internet. She should be taking you to the playground and all that other important developmental crap that parents need to do with their kids so they don't grow up to be maladjusted brats with no concept of basic social skills.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • WHATEVER, RAMONA!! She doesn't want to sound like a grown up. Quit trying to help her!

    Katelyn, you really do seem incredibly immature. Incredibly. And a lot of that has to do with your text speaking.

    Lots of good luck to you.
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  • Whatever, Manwa! You're probably just married to a Marine! Everybody knows that women married to Marines are total bitches Tongue out

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kinda-feel-bad-youngstahs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:fa2f5c14-bccc-4948-aa49-30c020644506Post:9b46a184-0d78-4a91-a52b-504ecad9ef96">Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whatever, Manwa! You're probably just married to a Marine! Everybody knows that women married to Marines are total bitches
    Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]

    Yup. Everyone. Just like everyone who types in text speak is extremely immature.

    Katelyn, before you fly off the handle on that one, notice the difference. We're saying you "sound" or "come across" as immature because of the way you choose to "speak" to us. We have no idea how mature you really are (though I'm not sure what to think honestly). But that is how you're coming across. And Ramona tried to help you by explaining that and you just decided to do the teenage thing of "Whatever, I do what I want!".

    Just so you know how you're looking to us.
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    The interenets is hard people! Don't you understand? It's way easier to type words with missing letters.

    Except wait, no it's not because I was taught to type on a real keyboard and not my phone. Even trying to type in text speak is like extra work for me.

    Katelyn do you take anyone's advice when given to you? Ever?
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  • you ladies are f*cking ridiculous...im done talking to you because its a waste of my time and ik how mature and intelligent I am and how dare you insult my parents and how they parented me. newsflash im 18! and getting married just like you! Im an adult so quit being such a f*cking c*nt
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kinda-feel-bad-youngstahs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:fa2f5c14-bccc-4948-aa49-30c020644506Post:53fcfc52-e16d-4333-862c-c7fa6f92fe08">Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....</a>:
    [QUOTE]you ladies are f*cking ridiculous...im done talking to you because its a waste of my time and ik how mature and intelligent I am and how dare you insult my parents and how they parented me. <strong>newsflash im 18</strong>! and getting married just like you! Im an adult so quit being such a f*cking c*nt
    Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]
    This is not surprising in the least. 

    Oh and beeteedubs, reported.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_kinda-feel-bad-youngstahs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:fa2f5c14-bccc-4948-aa49-30c020644506Post:53fcfc52-e16d-4333-862c-c7fa6f92fe08">Re: I kinda feel bad for the youngstahs....</a>:
    [QUOTE]you ladies are f*cking ridiculous...im done talking to you because its a waste of my time and ik how mature and intelligent I am and how dare you insult my parents and how they parented me. newsflash<strong>im 18! and getting married just like you!</strong>Im an adult so quit being such a f*cking c*nt
    Posted by katelyn26[/QUOTE]

    What a shock!!!  I'll bet though that you'll be divorced within ten years while everyone lese here will still be married.  See, you can be 18 to get married without your parents' permission but you have to be an adult to make a marriage work.
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  • edited May 2011
    Wow.  That didn't take long for her to get banninated.  I went back to hit report after my last post and she's gone.

    ETA - I guess it was just that one post that got removed
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