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40-Plus Brides

Obligatory name change thread

On every board I peeked at in my recent forays, there was at least one (sometimes more) name change threads. This is another topic that could have very different issues from that of younger brides.

No judgement--just curiousity--what are your plans? 

Interesting name change stories I've seen:

A Swede by Any Other Name. In Fact, Many Swedes. [<--link]

[QUOTE]These days, growing numbers of young Swedes about to marry are not only choosing flatware patterns but also picking new names. Sometimes it is an older family name; more often it is one they simply concoct. [/QUOTE]

And here in Massachusetts, an interesting factiod:

The Ms. myth [<--link]

[QUOTE]In Massachusetts, Party A and/or Party B in a marriage can announce the intention to change their last names to anything they want right on the marriage license application (with some legal parameters). Massachusetts is one of the few states that doesn’t require men, and men only, to take the extra step and get a court order to change a last name after marriage.[/QUOTE]

I'm keeping mine. I'm a scientist, and have 20 years of professional publication history, business cards, and contacts with my existing name. I also have a real estate trail, and various other contractual pieces in my name. Because of the MA law, I asked FI if he wanted to change his. He snorfed. We have the additional complexity of 2 countries. If we need legal documents of any sort, complicating anything with a name change could be a problem, with no real advantages. We will not be having kids.
Retro/Vintage Inspirations

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Re: Obligatory name change thread

  • i kept mine, legally, socially and otherwise.

    part of me does in some ways regret not changing my middle name to my H's last name so id have some part of him.  but that seems like it would have been a crap ton of paperwork for something only i would really know, since i never use a middle initial on anything.
  • I kept mine--legally, socially, and otherwise--for my first marriage.   When my husband left me, I was at least glad that I had not gotten my degree, written my articles, and/or established myself as a partner in my firm under his name, because I would then either have had to live with the name of a husband who had left me, or try to reestablsih myself under a different name.   On Facebook, my having had the same name since birth means that people from all periods of my life have been able to find me.

    For my second marriage, my spouse was female rather than male.  But neither one of us changed her name.
  • I'm taking the FI's name - because both my maiden name and my ex-H's last names are horrific to spell.  His is MUCH easier!  :)
  • vexievexie member
    100 Comments
    My fiance is a widower with two small girls (ages 3 & 5).  I will defnitely be changing my last name so I match my new instant family :)  My fiance recently told me that he really didn't expect me to take his name, however is really happy that I will be.... I'm happy that my decision has made him so happy too.
    84image 73image 11image Wedding date: June 11, 2011 :)
  • I'm changing mine.  The day I got divorced I went back to my maiden name.  I figured if I wasn't good enough for him to stay married (he left me) then I sure the hell didn't wanna wear his name like a badge.  It's a very unique name so everyone around these parts knows someone in the family.  I wanted to detach as much as possible.  We do have kids together but  I still had to distance myself from HIM.  

    After giving it much thought I'm taking my FI's name. I was going to keep mine & hyphenate but it would be too long. LOL
    Created by Wedding Favors
  • First, let me say that I'm in love with you for including "Throat Warbler Mangrove."

    I'm keeping mine legally.  Gen-X psuedo-feminisim aside, I'm seriously simply too lazy to bother with the hassle.  I still hold a mortgage on my own, retirement plans, life insurance policies, and then there's all the regular stuff.

    So far in the year we've been married, I've only been called Mrs. HisLastName once.
  • In Response to Re: Obligatory name change thread:
    [QUOTE]First, let me say that I'm in love with you for including "Throat Warbler Mangrove." I'm keeping mine legally.  Gen-X psuedo-feminisim aside, I'm seriously simply too lazy to bother with the hassle.  I still hold a mortgage on my own, retirement plans, life insurance policies, and then there's all the regular stuff. So far in the year we've been married, I've only been called Mrs. HisLastName once.
    Posted by impslave[/QUOTE]

    This...and plus the fact that my son has a problem with being the only one with his last name in the house.  So, FI, stepson and myself will have the same last name and my son different?  I'm still thinking over that...I still carry my ex-husband's last name.  Now...my problem is which last name do I put on the invitation? Maiden or ex's last name?

    OMG...

    S and CJ
    S and CJ image image When is my wedding
    Visit Purple.weddings.com Image and video hosting by TinyPic Cream to my Coffee
  • In Response to Re: Obligatory name change thread:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Obligatory name change thread : This...and plus the fact that my son has a problem with being the only one with his last name in the house.  So, FI, stepson and myself will have the same last name and my son different?  I'm still thinking over that...I still carry my ex-husband's last name.  Now...my problem is which last name do I put on the invitation? Maiden or ex's last name? OMG... S and CJ Posted by needle&thread[/QUOTE]

    I think you put First Maiden Current Last  (if that is your ex's last name and many people only know you with that name) on the invitation.

    What will I do?  I have no idea.  When I married the first time, I didn't change my name.  My son (now 18) and I have never had the last name and he's just fine.  His friends call me Mrs. (ex's last name) and that's just fine too.  I suspect that, for some milestone birthday or anniversary in the future, I might change it legally ... or maybe when we're old and moving into a retirement community -- in about 25 years!!
  • I didn't change the first time I got married or when DH and I married. Never occurred to me to change my name as I'm philosophically opposed to it and from a practical standpoint, I make my living with my name as a writer so it would have been throwing away the reputation I've gained through my entire professional career.
  • Hmmm....we have writers here....Maybe we should pitch a book on the post-40 wedding. Is there anything like that?

    [runs off to search Amazon]

    What do you know, someone has done it:

    The Wedding Guide for the Grownup Bride: Getting Married When You're Old Enough to Know What You're Doing

    The reviews sound pretty good--maybe someone should get a review copy and do a report. Anybody in publishing know how to do that?

    Retro/Vintage Inspirations

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  • Lucy, mostly travel-related articles for trades, but anything else that comes up along the way too -- marketing for some book publishers, educational catalogues, articles for weddings magazines :-), etc.  I've also had several coffee table art books published. And of course I'm working on that novel in my spare time!

    What kind of writing do you do?
  • I was 20 the first time I married and I took his name.  I was the one to leave the marriage (married for 15 years) and I took my  maiden name back.  Now as I am getting married again at 40 I am thinking about what to do.  My finance is very traditional, and this is his first (and last lol) marriage.  I think more than likely I will be taking his name.

  • When I divorced my first husband I kept his lastname because of our sons....didnt really expect him to marry a girl with the same first name as me...BUT...now there are 2 of us... Seriously!!  Im am going to be so happy to change my lastname to my new husbands and hopefully not have to hear anymore stupid comments about him marrying someone with the same name. 
  • At first I was opposed to taking on my Fiance's name do to business reasons (and the fact that I had had it for 42 years!) but after many thoughts on the matter and knowing it is what I am suppose to do according to my religion I chose to take his name.  I  never realized how happy that would make him especially since he had told me he was fine with me keeping my name.

    So I am taking on his last name with my maiden (last name)  initial being my middle initial now.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Not changing my name.  I'm 49 and an elected official. Not a good move.  Plus neither of us has kids and we don't plan to have them, so that's not really an issue.  Plus, it's a real administrative hassle.
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