RD Question

brittjoy84

Did you invite grandparents and/or out of town guests to the dinner?

katiek200

This is tricky. I has very little family coming from out of town, just grandmother, aunt/uncle, cousin and cousin's gf, and great-aunt and uncle. They are invited because RD is at my parents house so they make the rules. I told FMIL that she could have her sister and husband come to be nice so it wouldnt be all of my family. BUT, given all the stuff FMIL has been pulling, this worries me now she will try to have all OOT guests come from their side of the family. We have limited space to about 35 people because the house isn't super big. I'm not sure how to handle this (since i know it will come up.) In the end my parents are hosting the RD so should they just get to invite who they want?

brittjoy84

I thought the proper etiquette was bridal party, parents, and officiant plus guests. Is this right? All of our married ladies should not have deserted us for the nest, we need people who know what they are talking about!

katiek200

I think grandparents are always invited- technically part of a ceremony is the "seating of the grandmothers" if you do it. We are, so my grandmothers have the right to come. As for my aunt and cousin, they are doing all the flowers and decor, so they should be invited with their guests. That just leaves my random great aunt and uncle. You are right about the etiquette of who to invite. It's just how to handle it when people think they should come?

clseale13

A lot of people say you should invite OOT guests too. We're are not doing this. FI and I and maybe 10 other guests out of the 134 invited are actually from the Jacksonville area. It would be like throwing a 2nd wedding if we invited all of them. I don't think anyone will care. We would invite grandparents but none will be at the wedding. We're inviting our DOC and husband and the officiant.

jagore08

We kept it as BP and their guest and our parents. I'm sure we would have invited his grandmother but she wasn't in town yet. My MIL wanted to invite oot guests but I told her that most everyone was an oot guest and she'd be paying for another reception!

brittjoy84

I thought we would be able to do a backyard BBQ at FIL's house so the number of guests wasn't a big deal. Now I am not so sure. We might have to do a real RD at a restaurant = way more money per person. Shiit!

brittjoy84

Thanks jagore, I don't think I will be inviting grandparents or OOT guests either. I just needed to know if this was way out of line.

katiek200

No!!! Avoid the money at any cost!!! Think of using that extra money on your honeymoon

duncanpowers

We also looked at it as, because the grandparents are part of the ceremony, kind of, we invited them. Only 3 of ours are still alive and I didn't want to exclude them. But I did have OOT guests staying with my grandparents and did not invite them because we would have ended up with OVER HALF of our guests being at the RD. That said, most of the OOT guests did come because they were on DH's side and guests of his parents.

janedoe1113a

We're inviting all immediately family and out of town guests.

toblave13

I looked around a lot for proper etiquette on this because I was confused. From what I found, proper etiquette is bridal party, officiant, immediate family of bride and groom (parents, brothers, sisters), grandparents, and bridal party guests. OOT guests is a newer tradition. Personally, we have WAY too many OOT guests to invite them. It would pretty much be the whole wedding. FIs parents and siblings won't be invited but that's a LONG story (not even sure if they'll show to the wedding). Since his grandparents are essentially his parents, they're invited and as a result, mine will be too. As for guests for our bridal party...I had planned to invite all, but several of mine have already told me they don't intend to bring their guest. I think we're just going to handle that on a person by person basis.

jodippls

Our RD is more of a casual backyard bbq meet and greet for our families.  We are inviting most of the oot guests and our immediate families.  It's about 40 people. 

jodippls

Also, this was my FMIL's idea and she's paying.  If it were up to me we wouldn't be inviting almost half of our guest list.

katiek200

Duncan- were those OOT guests on DHs side of family given invites to the RD or did they just show up? Was anyone on your side of the family miffed that they couldnt come but his could (just curious because this is the issue we will have.)

brittjoy84

I got on the phone and brainstormed with my dad about the RD because I was really stressing. I think we are going to do it at my grandparents house in Mandarin. It is big and spacious and then I could invite everyone I wanted and not worry about $$ since Sonny's is so affordable!

jodippls

We're having Sonny's for ours too. YUM!

duncanpowers

[quote]Duncan- were those OOT guests on DHs side of family given invites to the RD or did they just show up? Was anyone on your side of the family miffed that they couldnt come but his could (just curious because this is the issue we will have.) [/quote]The OOT guests on DHs side were sent invitations, and actually fewer than anticipated came because they were arriving either late that night or early the next morning. There were still at least 35 people there though.One couple on my dad's side was miffed because they were staying with my grandparents and weren't invited, but I really don't care. They never said anything to me. The thing was, it was my dad's sister and her son; he has 4 siblings, and another set was staying with his local brother. If we'd invited one sibling, we would have had to invite them all, and that would have been another 8 people at least.

katiek200

Ok thanks for the reply