Bachelor party opinion

jendawn80

Ok girls, I need some reassurance here if you don't mind. I'll try to make this brief... So my fiance and I had already talked about his bachelor party and I told him I would rather him not go to Vegas. After a few conversations about it and me explaining my reasons, he agreed and decided he would do a boys weekend in Tampa (fishing, nightclubs, etc) Then this weekend we were hanging out with his best man who brough it up and how he still wants to do Vegas. I think he was just trying to give me a hard time and be funny, but it just really annoyed me and my fiance just sat there and didn't say anything. I'm not a controlling girlfriend by any means and I am happy that his friends want to plan something fun for him. I just think he should feel thankful and lucky that his bridal party lives in Florida and they can easily get together. I don't have any bachelorette plans and if I do by some miracle it will probably be a spa day with my girls 2 days before the wedding. I don't think I'm being jealous or too sensitive. I just think he should be a little more sensitive to my feelings and respect me. I'm doing all the wedding plans on my own without him and this was one request that I had. Do you agree that the whole gambling (one of the issues I have)/ stripclub (which I don't really mind) Vegas experience is not necessary? Sorry for the long vent!

pag41989

I dont like the idea of the strippers but thats just me. I think the whole idea of the bachelor party all together is tacky and trashy. I totally agree with the spa thing. If I can afford it that is probably what me and my girls are going to do. I am not into the whole party scene.

clseale13

Ok...I have no problem w/ Vegas. Nothing about it ...gambling or strip clubs bother me. I did both when I was there and I want to go back! lol. With that being said...that's just ME and how I feel and it's completely irrelevant to how YOU feel. What I DO think is relevant is that you and FI talked about it and agreed that this would not happen. B/C you two came to this understanding and he was ok w/it, I think he needs to support you in this and be sensitive to your reasons. I also think that he probably didn't think it was needed to say anything to his best man since he was probably just being a guy and giving you a hard time. If you think the best man was just doing it to tease you I would just let it go. You could say something to FI about it and just explain that if it gets brought up again you would appreciate it if he would tell him to stop giving you a hard time and support you...they will have a blast no matter what they do. You're not being unreasonable. You're entitled to your feelings. As long as your express them in a calm and level headed way, he should respect them.

Soon2BMrsSikes

Pretty much ditto everything Christie said. And honestly, I woulda been a little jealous if DH had gone to Vegas for his bachelor party and I just stayed here. I can't wait to go to Vegas, but we're gonna go together.

GatorD

I agree with Christie, too. That being said, did your FI agree not to go to Vegas because he actually didn't want to go or did he agree not to go just to agree with you? I would love to go to Vegas for my bachelorette and don't think it is FI's place to tell me no.

clseale13

GatorD makes a good point. Is Ryan really ok w/not going to Vegas? Or did he just agree to it to avoid a blow up with you? Nothing was off limits for our parties so we didn't have this problem. I would have been upset if he tried to have any say in what I do for my party. FI and I just went to Vegas in April so I'm going to the Bahamas w/my girls and he's doing a brewery tour in N. Cal with his boys. You might want to talk to FI and make sure he's really ok w/this decision. Even though some people think they're silly a lot of other people see these parties as a tradition or milestone. I would want to be sure that FI isn't secretly having resentful feelings about the fact that you've made Vegas off limits. GL!

jendawn80

Maybe part of me is jealous because I'm doing all the work and he's not, yet he wants to have all the fun!  I wish my girls and I could go to Vegas... There's more too this, but I won't go into it here.. part of it is financial reasons. I'm paying for the wedding with my parents help and am not asking him for anything. So for him to then blow money that he doesn't have in vegas would really upset me. We're 29 and 30 and he needs to be thinking about our future.  I feel bad for posting this now because I know I probably come across the wrong way, but i was just really upset last night. 

clseale13

Don't feel bad Jen! You're not being irrational. We can only give opinions based on what you said. It doesn't mean that we're right and your wrong. Clearly there are some underlying things here and those are things that only you and FI can figure out.

jendawn80

Thank you Christie-I do honestly want your opinions on this and agree he and I should probably talk more.  I'm actually really surprised that so many of you wouldn't mind if your guy went to Vegas since all the girlfriends I have and have talked to about this think it's trashy and agree with me.  Most of my friends are married and none of their guys did anything like this.   So it's good to hear your opinions...

brittjoy84

Weighing in late here...Jen I am in the same position you are as far as finances. I am singlehandedly paying for my wedding, no help from FI or his parents. I understand you are doing all the hard work and you want the big celebration in your honor, which you may not get because your bridesmaids are not local.A bachelor party is something that the guys plan though, and most times they handle most of the expenses except for maybe FI's gambling money. Although I would be jealous if FI went to Vegas and I didn't, I wouldn't dictate what he can and cannot do. Maybe if he does want to do the big trip which would cost him extra money, you can let him know if he has money for fun he owes you some money for the wedding.

GatorD

Don't worry about what you post here. This is the place to go all crazy bridezilla becuase the girls here are awesome with advice and aren't here to judge.

duncanpowers

Ditto you and brittjoy--I paid for most of the wedding and my parents helped. He did not really contribute enough to speak of. However, his buddies all rented a limo and took him out to a concert, etc. In comparison to my dinner out with a couple of girls, it was way bigger. When it came down to, were 'we' going to rent a limo for our wedding getaway car, I essentially had a meltdown because I was going to end up paying for it AGAIN and I saw that as inequitable after the bachelor party. We had a huge fight, because of course that all came out through resentment instead of me asking that he arrange the limo if he wanted one. But, he did and never gave me a hard time about it again. Moral of the story is, don't let it get to that point where you feel unfairly screwed over.Frankly, I think it's fine to ask that he dial it down on the bachelor party. I don't think it's demanding as long as you keep it nondemanding. Just say you are over your head about the finances and you'd appreciate it if he'd respect that you'd like your parties to be local ones.Maybe he doesn't 100% agree, maybe he wistfully wishes you'd let him run off and Do Vegas, but you know, that's married life. Why would it be better for him to go and you be the one to sit sullenly on the sofa? The idea is to meet in the middle. I think a big night out on the town in Tampa is perfectly fine, and afterwards he won't be going on about Vegas.

NoleBride10

also pretty late on this but.. your feelings arent irrational at all. you just need to talk to your FI and explain to him that since you had already discussed him not going to Vegas for his bachelor party, it was really upsetting for him to not speak up. I personally dont have a huge problem with strippers/gambling (which is what my FI is doing down in Tampa for his). my FI and I just basically have a few rules on the matter but then again my FBIL is planning the bachelor party and he isnt very wild and my MOH is a crazy girl. Usually the GM pay for the majority of the bachelor party. I would just sit down with your FI and explain what it is about this that is upsetting you so much. If you are worried about the money aspect, then discuss with him how much money you feel is appropriate for him to spend, regardless of what he is doing. Dont let it get to a point where you have a huge blowout and you resent him.

Soon2BMrsSikes

Just wanted to ditto on the money issue. Trey didn't pay a cent for anything at his bachelor party. They actually had an in home poker game where everyone's buy ins went to buying Trey drinks, etc all night.But your feelings do matter. And you can always vent here