Florida-North Florida

Etiquette Anyone (Long)?

Ok, so there are a few things that have come up recently from friends or family that I wanted to get your opinions on (and Jodi's answers reminded me). I've looked at etiquette but it's all over the place and while I know I'd get some very honest opinions from P & E I'd rather just post here since I'm not necessarily looking for technical etiquette answers, but more general opinions for our specific scenario.1. Money Dance--> This has been done at several weddings of family members on one side in the past. I'm being encouraged to do so. They usually don't actually pin the money on the bride so her dress doesn't get messed with. At the weddings I've been to I've thought it was funny and/or cute but I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know there's a lot of debate on this but I'm interested to hear your opinions.2. Tip jar on the bar--> FI recently suggested that we put a pretty tip jar on the bar for our wedding. Now to clarify, we are doing open bar with beer, wine, and a specialty drink and it's at a venue where we bring in all of our own stuff. I know traditionally the bride and groom pay gratuities and I don't have a problem with that but FI insists we need the tip jar. He insists because a huge majority of our guests are in the service industry and he knows they'll probably want to tip and he thinks we should have a place for them to put the tips rather than handing them to the bartender. If we did this it would be a pretty bucket or something that said "Thank you." It would NOT say "tip jar." I've also read very different opinions on this. Any thoughts?
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Re: Etiquette Anyone (Long)?

  • clseale13clseale13 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ehhh...I think I'm inclined to say no to both. The funny thing about the dollar dance is that while I've never thought twice about it when I've gone to weddings that did them...I'm very much against having one at ours. The only good thing I see about them is that it gives a lot of guests a few minutes to talk and dance w/the bride/groom. As far as the tip jar goes, I would not do this. If you're going to tip them I think it's pointless to have the jar. If someone wants to tip they'll hand it to them and that would be fine. If there is a tip jar (even if it doesn't say tip jar) I always feel obligated to tip. I don't think you want your guests to feel that way. Definitely don't take this to P&E. They'll rip it apart every which way for no reason.
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  • pag41989pag41989 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with not taking it to P&E, I also agree with not having a tip jar. I would not want to feel obligated to tip.
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  • toblave13toblave13 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That's definitely how I feel about the tip jar but FI was so insistent that I thought I'd run it by you ladies. Christie-- I knew better than to post this on P & E. I can appreciate their input but I wasn't really in the mood to get flamed.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think if the dollar dance is accepted and expected in your circle, then it's ok. I would say no to the tip jar though. If people really want to tip, they can hand it to the bartender. If you put a bucket on the bar no matter how it looks or what it says, people will feel obligated.
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  • clseale13clseale13 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, if the dollar dance is done a lot and people really enjoy it within your circle of guests I would do whatever makes you and FI happy. I just wouldn't feel pressured to do it. I've participated in them before and it was fun.
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  • toblave13toblave13 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I definitely agree with you ladies. I'm going to tell FI no to the tip jar. I just needed someone else to agree with me, haha. As for the dollar dance, I'll probably feel this out for a while. I know it would make certain people happy and as long as others would enjoy it and it's likely people wouldn't get offended I might do it.
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  • jodipplsjodippls member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If the dollar dance is a common thing in your crowd and you and your FI are comfortable with it, go for it. I wouldn't put out a tip jar just for the fact that I wouldn't want a guest to feel like they're supposed to tip.  If they want to tip they will.
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  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm against both of them.I wouldn't do the money dance unless it was common on both sides of the family.  The other family would think it was rude and greedy of you.If you and your FI are already tipping (which you should) you shouldn't put out a tip jar.  If your guests really want to tip the bartender, then they can hand it to him.  A tip jar suggests that the bride and groom are not paying gratuities and that's the only way he's getting his money.
  • katiek200katiek200 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am also against both of them, and agree people who want to will tip the bartender, but a jar does make it feel obligated for others.
  • WAshley10WAshley10 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    we are doing the dollar dance. My cousin just got married at the end of August and it was such a hit!!! Both my mom and his mom encouraged us to do it originally and I was kind of unsure about it but both families are familiar with the tradition and enjoy it. It really depends on the family/situation.
  • toblave13toblave13 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies. I definitely agree with you on the tip jar situation. I've officially vetoed that one with FI. I'm going to look more closely at the dance and see if FI's family is familiar with it as well, then decide what to do from there. I do know that a lot of our non-family guests are fans of it also so I guess we'll see. It's really not about the money, but about the traditional aspect of it. Who knows, if we do it maybe we'll even donate the money to charity...
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  • jodipplsjodippls member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Exactly how does a dollar dance work?  I've never seen one.
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  • brittjoy84brittjoy84 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Weighing in late here, I am against both.
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  • edited December 2011
    I love doing the dollar dance at weddings but I'm also debating it at my own! I know my side of the family enjoys them, but FH had never heard of one until we went to a wedding for my family. I always thought it was a northern thing (I'm from/live in MI and FH is from Florida) and since we're getting married in FL and most of our guests will be his friends/family in FL, I can't decide! I like having an open invitation to dance with the guests I otherwise wouldn't dance with! I've considered having the DJ something that would imply the dollar is optional, just go dance with the bride and groom but haven't thought that completely through yet. As far as the tip far I agree with everyone else! I hate having to tip at weddings because a. I usually forget to bring cash and b. I know the bride and groom are tipping him/her anyways!
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