China Dilemma

greenlikekermit

We are having a bit of an issue with fine china and our families. My mom always told me that she had two sets of family china set aside for me when I got married. FI is in the same boat. Call me crazy, but I don't think we need four sets of fine china.

I have already told my mother that we can only take one set from her. FI is still struggling to tell his mom the same thing. 

I just consider myself a practical person and there's nothing practical about four sets of fine china (especially when we are young and have limited space). His mom keeps mentioning the second set of china and how important it is as a family heirloom. Are we being ungrateful and rude? How do we handle this?

toblave13

Wow. Four sets of china? I don't think you're being ungrateful, but at the same time, I wish I had family china that was being offered to me. There isn't any and I'd love to have some. Instead we had to register for some but I'm really not expecting to get any. If the issue at the moment is really just the space, maybe you could have FI mention to his mom that you're concerned about where to keep it and you want it to be safe and that maybe she could hold on to it for you for now until you're in a better position to take it? It may seem like a nuisance now but you may appreciate it more in the future.

greenlikekermit

Don't get me wrong. We are very grateful. I just don't see how we can actually use four sets of china. I'm of the mindset that less is more. I hate clutter and excess. His family is the opposite--they have two storage units full of "family stuff" that they won't get rid of because of sentimental value. I think memories are more important than "stuff."

The two sets of china are currently sitting in said storage. FI and I both love one of the patterns, and it's the set that has the most sentimental value to him. He could care less about the other set and we obviously don't have room for that one (along with the second set my mom has offered us).

Do we politely offer to "pass it on" to our younger siblings? I would rather someone else have the china so we don't feel guilty about it sitting in boxes in a closet.

KappaUCF20

I'm with you.  My DH and I are more practical and knew that we would probably never use china (or we would eventually inherit someone else's) so we didn't even register for any.  It would just take up space which is a problem when you live in a tiny one bedroom apartment lol.  I like your idea of passing it on to someone else in the family so it actually gets used and enjoyed rather than sitting in boxes.  Your mom and MIL should understand that.  I also agree with what Lucky said.  You could thank them for the offer but politely decline for now due to space issues (they can't physically force you to take it if you don't have the room! lol).  Then mention that later on when you move to a bigger place, you'll consider taking it.

clseale13

I agree w/PP. I would politely thank them for their generosity and then explain that you can really only take the one set from each family. Explain that you are touched and honored to have them passed down to you and you know that younger siblings would feel the same way. There's no reason why they should ALL be given to you if you both have siblings anyway. I'm sure those siblings would appreciate having part of the family history one day too.

NoleBride10

I definitely agree with PP. Simply explain that due to space limitations its impossible to have so many sets. Explain that younger siblings might want them or if that is not feasible, simply ask your/FI families to hold onto the china for your future children. I would love to have family china to inherit but four sets is a bit much to have to store even in the largest of houses.

greenlikekermit

Thanks for the advice ladies! Hopefully FI can have a talk with FMIL soon to explain all of this. We will definitely try to pass the additional sets on to younger siblings, even though they both already have sets they stand to inherit as well. Where in the heck did all of this china come from?!