wwyd? kinda long sorry..

katafie929

Hi Ladies. Ive posted on here before but just kinda lurk around all the boards. But one of my BMs has been texting me constantly since this morning about the wedding so i wanted to get some of your input on what to think/do.So im getting married on feb 20th 2010. We got engaged last Jan and chose the date almost right after that. So everyone in the wedding party knew a year in advance when it was going to be. The problem is, is that my BM told me today shes only coming for the wedding(flying in sat morning and leaving right after sat night). Then she said its all about the money and cant afford to come. The only thing shed have to pay for is a plane ticket from Austin to Phoenix. I paid for the girls' dresses and for their hair to get done on the day, if they chose to have it done.Im a little irritated because she is just now telling me this..we planned back in april or so to have bachelorette/bachelor parties on thursday and then rehearsal and dinner on friday. Also, a goodbye brunch on sunday for out of town guests and friends. Shes now going on her facebook, telling everyone how much of a b*tch and how immature i am and dont appericate her. Im pretty shocked because this all came out of nowhere. She works fulltime and is living for free with bfs family. She requested the thursday and friday off from work already and they said theyd give it to her. I guess im kinda at a lost of what to do or even say to her. Ive hardly said anything back to her today, Ive kinda let her speak her mind because i dont know what to even say. Shes gone back and forth all day long about coming then not coming..i really dont know anymore..So wwyd?thanks ladies : )

daynalyntroy

I may be speaking entirely out of left field here (Sorry my response is kind of long),  but she may be one of those people who feed on attention and because it's your wedding, it's your day, so you're the one at the center of attention which is why she's being so dramatic.  If I were in your shoes, I would very calmly and respectfully confront her just to nip this in the bud.  Saying something to the effect of, "Listen, you're my friend and I love you and want nothing more than for you to stand with me while I get married and I want you to be a part of the celebration.  With only 5 months to go, however, I really need to know at this time if this is something you will be able and willing to do.  If not, I completely understand and I'm not about to lose our friendship over it, but going back and forth this close to the wire is too much for me to handle, so I really need to know one way or the other now".  If she says she can't do it, then there may be something going on that you don't know about, so now may be the time to put the "bride" on the backburner and turn your focus on being an understanding friend.  If, however, she says that yes, she is going, gently remind her that this close to the wedding you're stressed enough without extra drama and while you realize that your wedding isn't as high on her priority list as it is for you, you really need her to understand your point of view and to come through on this as part of your support system.Hope this helps!

katafie929

yea absolutely! thank you so much! its just good to get outside opinions about things. thanks : )

The Future Mrs Fowler

She sounds like my cousin who was my MOH then quit after my Vegas Bachelorette party debacle.  Then a month later she came back but just as a BM.  Then last week, ONE WEEK before the wedding, mind you, she quit again!  My FI made me make peace and ask her back in cause the rest of my family was talking about not coming because of her drama. I ignored all the warning signs for years with her.  If your friend is acting like this now, chances are she can pull more stunts down the road.BTW, anyone who called I found out was talking trash about me on FB would not only be asked to leave the bridal party, nut no longer invited to the wedding.  IMHO.

Chelsie84

Wow that's just kinda crappy. Let me just say that I have been married before... my first wedding was a huge wedding with a MOH and 5 bridesmaids. My MOH turned into a total b*tch, caused all kinds of problems because she was jealous and then ultimately helped end my marriage. In the long run... getting divorced was the best thing for me because he went nuts and became a jealous freak, but a friend, does not treat you badly and talk badly about you especially in regards to your BIG DAY! That's just awful. I really think you need to count your losses and move on. What an awful thing for her to do.

katafie929

yea i completely agree. If its happening now, then itll most likely happen in the future. I think thats exactly what Im going to do, just move on and not worry about it anymore. Thanks for all the advice : )

persphone

One option is to tell her that you understand that times are tough right now and that if she cannot afford to stay longer, that's okay. Then explain that you need your MOH to help with certain things before and after the wedding (e.g. you certainly need her at the rehearsal) and that if she really can't do it, then maybe it would be less stressful for her to be a BM. Of course now you have to replace her, but it sounds like you are in the situation either way...   Good luck!  

Silverlegacyga

All of the advice I have gotten from my co workers and close married friends... Dont choose friends to be in your bridal party... 10 years down the road chances are you will no longer be friends. They all wish that they would have choosen faimly to be beside them or have had no one at all just because of all the drama. I agree. It may sound harsh and rude but choose wisely to avoid drama or have none at all.